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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I don't know whether our baby is a boy or a girl for sure. We have a 2 yo boy, and I thought I was having all these instincts that this baby is a girl. Yesterday we had our one and only ultrasound, and asked not to be told the sex. But friends and family all think they see a penis. The tech tried to be ambiguous, made several comments about boys, but then called the baby 'her' twice. I didn't think it mattered to me, but for some reason I find myself disappointed about having another boy. I feel terrible about it, too. I know it's totally natural, but I feel like it's something I should deal with before the baby comes.<br>
Will anyone else admit to feeling disappointed?<br>
Steph
 

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i have to say that at this point, where i havent had the baby yet, and if i found out right now that it is another boy, i might be a little disappointed.. i also have a 2 year old boy....and have also had strong feelings this one's a girl.....<br><br>
but i look at it this way, if i could change things, i wouldnt want ds to be a girl because then he wouldnt be him, and i love him so much..... i KNOW that once i see that baby its not going to matter... we can always have more kids....matter of fact id like to have one more...<br><br>
I think it can be hard (especially with all those hormones making us moody) to concentrate on health rather than sex, but keep that in mind........ a healthy baby is more important, try to say that every day and maybe you'll accept whatever sex it is easier.... I would rather have a healthy boy than a little girl with health problems kwim???<br><br>
When my cousin (who whas due at the same time) had her little girl i was so jealous because i wanted a girl (not that i didnt love my little boy), but there you have it, there was jealousy.... imagine how much of a fool i felt like when they found out she might have down syndrome?? And i was jealous of them, sitting there holding my perfectly healthy baby boy?? That was where the jealousy stopped, let me tell you.... thank goodness, she was ok, no down syndrome, she just had that look when she was born and it went away....<br><br>
...that taught me a lesson.....<br><br>
good luck.....
 

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With ds I wanted a boy...I wouldn't have minded a girl but I really really wanted a boy...especially for dh and my dad.<br><br>
With this babe I've been talking girl girl girl. Well, we had our u/s where we did NOT find out sex but we have it on video and dh and I are pretty convinced there is a little penis in there. ANd let me tell you, the thought of having another boy has me relieved!!<br><br>
I'd love a little girl but I'd love a little boy! I see advantages of both but I think I'd rather have another boy. if this babe is a girl..YAY! if this babe is a boy..YAY!<br><br>
A friend of mine wanted a little girl. SHe lost her first babe a about 16 weeks. She lost a little girl. She got pg about 9 months later again and found out this babe as a boy. She was literally MAD this baby was a boy. She even was pretty "mean" towards him before he was born. She said that she would never get over it...blah blah blah. Her son was born over 2 weeks past edd and has issues with seizures. She says this is his her only baby and she cannot believe how she acted before he was born! She would trade him for the world. He was 19 hours old before the seizures started. And she said as soon as the first one hit her entire world fell apart.<br><br>
I guess it depends on how you see things. I had never met someone so mad about baby sex before but even she learned that it doesn't matter. So, I try to keep that in mind when "wishing" for gender <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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I know what you mean. With #2, I desperately wanted another little girl and was sure that's what I was carrying, and DH was dying for a boy. We knew one of us was going to be disappointed which is exactly why we found out the sex ahead of time. To my surprise, DS was clearly a boy and I was in denial for awhile. I felt guilty about it too, although I was obviously thrilled he was healthy.<br><br>
My best adfvice for you is to start preparing yourself NOW for another little boy. Then at the birth, if he's a boy, you won't have any twinges of disappointment, and if she's a girl, you'll have a great surprise. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
(P.S. I did secretly hope up until the labor started that the u/s had been wrong and we'd all be surprised and have my little girl be born, but by the time Leo was born, that thought was out of my head. I was thrilled to have him and never once had a single regret. Much to my surprise.)
 

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I have not had an US but have had three "boy" dreams during htis preg. and have always had accurate dreams. I *was* disappointed. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> I really wanted a girl this time and had always assumed that it would be.<br><br>
HOWEVER, I think this is one of the arguments for *not* finding out. I think that when you are holding in your arms your wonderful newborn, you don't focus so much on the sex, KWIM? When you just find out an isolated piece of info. like the sex, it's hard not to be disappointed. That is my personal opinion, FWIW. I agree w/the others. Prepare for a boy. and who knows? maybe you'll be surprised!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> That's what I'm doing.<br><br>
Actually now that I've been thinking "boy" for a while, the idea doens't bother me so much. I *did* get a twinge while rummaging through dd's things, thinking that maybe I'll never have another girl though.
 

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This is another reason I cannot wait for January to be here! I'm dying to know who I'm carrying. Is it Bryce or Iris??<br><br>
I so want ds to have a brother!! But then again I would love to have a girl.<br><br>
I guess it doesn't really matter I'm just really anxious! I wasn't this anxious with ds not sure why its different now...
 

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Well, I don't know if "disappointed" is the word. Completely Shocked and Blown Away were more like it. I mean, I planned on only having a gaggle of girls, and was certain....<br><br>
But it was a boy. I was really confused. I mean, what do you *do* with a boy? How do you take care of his penis? And what about all that boy behavior? We found out at 8 months and I basically spent the last month of my pregnancy just kind of like, "oh well, I guess I'll just have to deal with it." I *really* didn't want a boy. Weird.<br><br>
Now of course, he is the king! I can't get enough of him, and the whole penis thing, well, it's pretty darn entertaining!!! (as you know!) It is true what they say about loving it when it gets there, blah blah blah! You can't imagine life without that person!
 

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I don't know the sex of this one and am planning on not finding out agian until after birth. (Actually, what I'd really like to do is just never find out, and raise it as a little person, not a boy or girl, but I'm sure about 2 minutes after it's born I'll get curious.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">)<br><br>
But with dd, we got a u/s and I asked not to be told the sex but was sure it was a boy because I thought the face looked like a boy's face. Dh knew the whole time it was a girl, he said. He always referred to the fetus as "she." I was hoping for a boy because I had no idea what to do with a girl.<br><br>
When she was born, they said "It's a girl" (and you know what bugs me now, is they didn't seem to excited about it! Maybe they were just tired of me screaming...) and I looked at her and thought, no, it could still be a boy, and then, hey, that doesn't look like a penis! It didn't really look like a vagina either, you know how it is when they first come out. So I had to accept she was a girl, and it's just like everyone says, once you have the baby you don't really care about anything else.<br><br>
I guess I am hoping it will be a boy because we can't seem to think of a middle name for a girl, or maybe I just want what I don't have. We are thinking this will be our last, though, and it would be nice to have a gender balance.<br><br>
With dd I had m/s from 4 weeks to 20 weeks, and with this one I am 6 weeks and just starting to feel the faintest waves of queasiness...I wonder if that whole thing about having more m/s with a girl is true.
 

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With DS#3, Hunter, I was very disappointed he wasn't a girl. Of course, we found out at the US, so, well, I had tons of time, and, wouldn't you know it, he rules the roost here at home. My mom says he's spoiled. I just think he's adorable and cute and sweet and well, you know, perfect. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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I have 2 girls & I'm due in 4 wks.<br>
We were very intrigued by the possibility of having a boy this time, and I was sure Dh really wanted a son.<br>
Anyway, I'd never had an U/S before, but Dh really wanted to find out the sex. I was absolutely SHOCKED (and in denial for a while) to hear it looked to be a girl.<br>
I wouldn't say I was disappointed, but I was afraid Dh would be. If he is, though, he's hiding it well. I think he just wanted to adjust to the sex before the birth. At the birth of my 2nd (which was Dh's 1st) he announced as she came out: "It's a boy!" (--Oops, he was looking at the umbilical cord!) So maybe he just wanted to save himself that embarassment.<br>
I was just as shocked after her birth to see that my 2nd was a girl as I was about this 3rd one. Both times I had the feeling I was carrying a boy. (I think I just have defective intuition!)<br>
--Katie <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/belly.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="belly"> --Mom of girls
 

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Oh, sign me up for this thread. This thread is like coming out of the closet. I mean, IRL I have not admitted (except for a very few people) that I was dissapointed to learn I was not having a girl during my son's preganancy. Again, I wouldn't label it disappointment about his sex (because I wanted and thought he was a boy), but more disappointed I wasn't having a daughter.<br><br>
This time around i *know* 99% that I'm having another boy. With my DS I knew after I took the pregnancy test. This time, I knew after a week or so. I just feel this is a boy so strongly.<br><br>
I was concerned about getting an u/s to find out the sex for sure this time, because after the u/s with DS I was very happy he was healthy and that I'd have a son...but then the next day I was so sad that I wouldn't have a daughter. This is our last planned child and I would like to have a daughter.<br><br>
I talked to a good friend of mine (she's an BF AP UC mama) and she said that she wished she would have found out before giving birth that her last son was a boy. She *knew* he was a boy, but left some hope that maybe she'd be wrong. When he was born, she was so happy to meet him & to have a son...but then it hit her that she still didn't have a daughter. She said that it clouded her son's wonderful birth day. Her story is what pushed me over the edge to WANT to get an u/s to find out.<br><br>
So...at 11am today, I'm off to get a sonogram. We'll see if I really *know* the sex of this baby. I expect I may be a little sad I won't have a daughter, but I've been preparing myself for that for a few months now. Hopefully, I won't cry in bed at night! Gosh, and I feel so guilty for making the sex of someone this big of a deal. I mean, in my case, it's just selfishness that makes me want a daughter. I would never want to be disappointed about the sex of someone, but it's there and it's really my feelings.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
So many of you have put my exact feelings into words! I know I will absolutely adore this baby, boy or girl, but before this u/s I hadn't really admitted to myself how much I would like to have a daughter. Plus I have had several dreams about this baby being a girl, and would have said I was probably 90% certain it's a girl before this u/s. Nothing like technology to make you doubt your instincts. I think it's tough too because I'm getting older, and though I want more children, the idea of another pregnancy is a little scary.<br>
This is why I should never have had the ultrasound. I conceded to it because it was important to DH to do the diagnostic stuff, but I would be more relaxed about this if I didn't know the information is only a phone call away.<br>
A few days after DS was born, I had moments of panic when I thought "There's no WAY I can raise a boy, I don't know the first thing about it!" Now I've really gotten into the swing of things, I know it will be fun if DS has a little brother.<br>
Claire, I can't wait to hear whether your baby is a boy or girl!!! I think you hit the nail on the head, it probably is a little selfish to want a girl. But it's ok to have a preference before you find out, because you know we're going to be ga-ga over our babies either way.
 

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I don't have kids yet. I tell people I'm hoping my first child will be a girl. The real, honest truth is, I don't care either way whether my first child is a girl or a boy, but I really don't want to have two boys. I want either a boy and a girl or two girls. So I figure having a girl first would put my mind to rest about the second one.<br><br>
I think gender preferences are weird and normal at the same time.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">At the birth of my 2nd (which was Dh's 1st) he announced as she came out: "It's a boy!" (--Oops, he was looking at the umbilical cord!) So maybe he just wanted to save himself that embarassment.</td>
</tr></table></div>
When my MIL was pregnant with my dh, they thought he was going to be a girl because they already had a boy. When dh came out, FIL shouted, "It's a gerbil!" :LOL
 

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Don't feel badly about being disappointed.<br><br>
I never pictured myself with boys, but when I was pregnant the first time, I wanted a girl so much, that I just knew the universe was going to teach me a lesson and give me a boy. Sure enough, that's what I got. A great boy. Second time around, I wanted a girl even more. Every time I thought about it being a boy, I got such a feeling of disappointment that I started to feel terribly guilty about it. So I talked to my midwife, and here's what she said:<br><br>
"This is your only chance to have a girl (it was going to be our last kid) and if you don't have one, it's perfectly normal to feel disappointed about it, even sad. But keep in mind that the disappointment you'll feel about the girl you'll never have will have nothing to do with the actual boy in your arms. He'll be the reality; she'll be the dream."<br><br>
I stopped feeling guilty, and let myself dream about a daughter for the rest of my pregnancy. Of course, we had a second boy.<br><br>
I still feel wistful about that girl I never had, but it has nothing to do with the sweetest, most adorable little baby boy on my breast right now.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;"><i>Originally posted by Juliacat</i><br><b>When my MIL was pregnant with my dh, they thought he was going to be a girl because they already had a boy. When dh came out, FIL shouted, "It's a gerbil!" :LOL</b></td>
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<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/Welcome.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="welcome">ag <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/tomato.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="tomato"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/nut.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="nut"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/clap.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="clap"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/whistling.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="whistle"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hyena.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hyena"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bouncy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bouncy"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/ROTFLMAO.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rotflmao"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bouncy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bouncy"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/ROTFLMAO.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rotflmao">
 

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Well, I guess, I'm off the thread.<br><br>
I had my u/s today. The results, I'm due March 15, just like I *knew*. It's just one baby as I *knew*, but the little one was sooo much more active than Jude was. Explains a lot of what I was feeling. It started off way down low wearing my cervix as a shield. Then, was over to a side and up above my belly button and then another side all within a couple of minutes. And, the sex of the baby. I must be a failure! I'm in total shock. I'm going to need some pink clothes over here!!! Can you believe it?!?! I can't! But, it's true.<br><br>
The tech pointed the wand and the bottom and said, "This is the bottom, you can see the splayed legs. And, here are the sex organs." I was searching like made to make sense of it all. I asked, "Is it a boy or a girl?" She said, "What do you guys see?" Neither of us said anything for a while and then I said, "I can't find the penis. Can you point it out to me?" That's when Jason said, "Sweetie, there is no penis." PAUSE, PAUSE, PAUSE. "What!?! You mean those are the outer lips of the vulva?!?!" Yes, indeed, it was clear as day. We're having a little girl. I guess I didn't *know* as much as I thought I did. Gosh, I was soooo sure it was another boy.<br><br>
(similar version of this message will be x-posted on March Mamas)<br><br>
Eidted to add: Zinemama -- I love what our midwife said. That's beautiful.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;"><i>Originally posted by cicerosum</i><br><b><br>
Now of course, he is the king! I can't get enough of him, and the whole penis thing, well, it's pretty darn entertaining!!! (as you know!) It is true what they say about loving it when it gets there, blah blah blah! You can't imagine life without that person!</b></td>
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I love this and agree......lol at the whole penis thing.....
 

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I think everyone has some expectation whether they admit it or not. I have two boys, I remember with the first I knew, I just knew it was a boy and I was thrilled. With the second, I didn't know and even after the ultrasound tech said boy, I still wasn't sure. I wanted a boy, but didn't want to be disappointed if he came out a girl. Fortunately, he was a boy. So, I am pregnant with number three, my husband and family know I want all boys. Again, I have no idea with this pregnancy. I just keep telling myself, all the great things if it turns out to be a girl, but I am hoping for a boy.<br>
Either way, this baby is much loved and looked at as a Blessing from God. Blessing for sure, it took 9 months to get pregnant with 2nd and 3rd just happened immediately.
 
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