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Is anyone else's DH acting like a nutjob?

454 Views 8 Replies 8 Participants Last post by  smeisnotapirate
My husband has turned into a real jerk since I've been pregnant. He wanted this baby more than I did, so that does not factor in to it at all. This also happened when I was pregnant with DS, but there were some extenuating circumstances at that time (getting laid off when I was 8 weeks pregnant, starting a new business in lieu of starting a new job, his parents splitting up, his brother having to be forced into rehab only a month prior and then having a relapse...). I figured that this time things would be much more normal but they have not been at all. He's short and irrational and downright nasty and then blames it all on me. He even had the gall to say that I needed to talk to our therapist about "fixing" how I'm acting but that he didn't need to talk to him as well. I apparently need to change how I react to hormones that are beyond my control, but he does not need to change how he's reacting to me at all. I'm getting pretty pissed and I'm not even nine weeks along yet. I'm not sure how I'm going to cope with this for the rest of my pregnancy. Thanks for listening to this vent...
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Geesh... who needs that? Perhaps your DH just doesn't deal well with stress. And even if the baby is totally wanted, the anticipation of a new baby can still cause stress.

You can't really change how he is acting, all you can do is change how you respond to it. I don't have any advice on this, but I hope you can find some positive outlets for your frustrations in dealing with your moody man.
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DDC crashing-

My DH was this exact way for my 3rd pregnancy 2nd loss. It brought back memories of what a d*$k he was when I was pregnant with dd. It really made me angry how he was so distant and mean. Since then we separated and are now in counseling and reconciled and now pregnant again! I remember telling him during an emotional good talk how much that hurt me. He said that he was just trying to give me space and let me do the pregnancy thing.

Well this time, he got one day to let the whole pregnancy thing sink in and then I told him that I need him to be loving and supportive. I can't do this without that. Or he can just leave cause that would be easier to cope. He since has gone back to his normal self and much more loving and supportive this time.

You just may need to have a good talk with him and tell him how it makes you feel etc. Expect him to shape up, he has had long enough time to let it sink in. You need the emotional, loving support from your DH.

I know exactly how you feel mama. Hope things turn out for the best!
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Yup. DH was a UAV my ENTIRE pregnancy with DS - continued until I finally broke down almost 4mo pp with DS - had PPD and all sorts of coping problems because he was there, but NOT.THERE. I made excuses for him, talked to him innumerable times, got promises that were completely broken the very next day....

DH is still being a jerk about this one, but I'm realizing that it's normal stuff that he does all the time that when I'm pregnant I NEED him more, and I need him to not be acting like an 8 year old. He's probably got Aspergers, never dxd because his parents aren't the type to seek a diagnosis (and he's really smart, so lots of people think smart=nothing wrong).

I'm realizing that he's just a big baby, and expecting him to be mature is beyond what he's capable of in GOOD times, let alone when he's going to be a dad again.


So yeah, I get you. Big time.
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Well this baby's daddy is not my dh but I thought he was going to be. Now he has totally freaked the F*** out and isn't talking to me! Says he doesn't want a kid and wants nothing to do with it. He went from perfect and loving and talking about getting married soon to not talking to me and not answering phone calls or texts within a week. So yeah I get how you feel sort of. it sucks
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ugh....i hear ya sister! my SO can be a significant arse whether i'm preggers or not but jeeze give ME a break this time around huh? i've been called crazy and nutty and acting rude, mean and inconsiderate. i'm looking at the positive though...while pg i speak my mind a lot more!
so i don't feel so trampled on and say what i want to say instead of trying to be the nice guy.
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My DH can be the same way too.

But what really bothers me is the way he's such a huge slob! I'm sick, I feel horrible. It's all I can do to keep the kid fed, dressed, pottied, and entertained. Yet he still leaves dishes, trash, clothes, and whatever else ALL OVER THE HOUSE. Our house is destroyed. And he doesn't see any problem with it, even though I feel too sick to move he still won't pick up. If he were the sick one you know I would be cleaning up after him, myself, and our daughter.

I've stopped picking up his dirty clothes from the bathroom floor, I just kick them out into the hall so we can walk in the bathroom. Now there is a huge pile blocking the hallway. I've also stopped picking up his dirty clothes from the bedroom floor. Yesterday he went out and bought more undershirts, socks, and underwear because he didn't have any clean ones. Can you believe that? I didn't wash them because they weren't in the dirty clothes--they were all over the floor and I feel way too sick to bend over and dig them all out.

Today I threw away piles of trash--mail, receipts, wrappers, etc. that he'd left all over the place. I just couldn't stand it a second longer. And I filled the sink with dishes I collected from around the house. When I'm not pregnant I sweep through and clean it all up constantly, but you know how it is when you just want to lay on the couch and concentrate on not gagging all day...

I'm so frustrated with the mess.
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Overall, he's doing pretty well but boy oh boy does he have his moments. Like tonight.

So, my in-laws are visiting (and staying with us...until next Sunday
). He should be in seventh heaven, right? (He looooves his parents. And is way nicer to them than me.)

Anyhow, seeing as a lot of flu bugs seem to be going around lately, I told him last week that our new policy was this: when we come home, we all wash hands in the sink. No hand wipes: wash with soap and water in the sink.

So he and his parents and DD get home. She wants a snack. They all go downstairs (to avoid me? I still dunno, but if I'm in a room, they go someplace else.
) When DH comes upstairs I ask if DD washed hands. Him: well, we used a lot of wipes during the day. Me: but did you wash hands in the sink when you got home? Him: Why? Me: Because I told you I want everyone to wash hands in the sink when we get home. Him: Why? and You never told me That. Me: Because I don't want to get sick, and I made this very clear last week. Him: Why aren't wipes good enough? And no, I didn't get that last week.

And so it went for a while until he stopped off in a huff. Now he is totally mad at me. Yeah, because I want people to wash their hands after they've been in a busy public place all day. Wow, what a crazy lunatic I must be!
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Lisa. My DH is way nicer to his parents than he is to me. He throws these temper tantrums that make toddlers stop and stare, but the second his parents come in he's nice and sweet and courteous to them.

I asked him what was up with that, and he said "I just get out of control." Nooooooooo, because you can control it perfectly when your parents come in - it's just ME you do that to.

I'm also ADD and have a REALLY bad short-term memory, and sometimes I catch DH saying that I never told him something just to get off the hook. I KNOW I told him, but he's like - "You can never remember anything anyways - are you sure?"

Anyone else's DH like this in cycles? I swear my DH gets PMS - he's a huge bear certain times of the month.
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