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I'm sorry about the title, but I'm kind of at my wits end. AND I need reassurance!<br><br>
First of all, my DD is almost 10 months old. She won't go to anyone, except me and DH, but mostly me. She is still having serious bouts of separation anxiety, even when I'm right infront of her. She cries when everyone holds her including my parents, and she sees them every week!<br><br>
Secondly she throws the worst tantrums. I don't know if this is out of pure frustration because she is unable to communicate with me verbally or of she has a temper. But, she's been doing it for quite some time. I looked it up on Sears site and he says, "AP parenting helps alleviate tantrums!" That makes me feel like I'm two inches tall, because here I am trying in vain to practice AP and I felt like it was a slap in the face.<br><br>
Thirdly, my daughter does not sleep at night. I nurse her to sleep and she wakes up at least 3-4 times/night. We do co-sleep and DH has moved out because he has to go to work in the morning and needs his sleep. I just ordered NCSS to see if it helps. I would like to start TTC #2 in a few months, and just feel that it will be an impossible thing to do with my daughter.<br><br>
Please offer advice, I just need to know that I'm doing the right things and this is just a phase.<br><br>
I'm very frustrated with the way things are going.<br><br>
Thanks, mamas!
 

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Yes, there is LIGHT at the end of the tunnel, I am here to reassure you.<br><br>
My first and third were so high need, but they and my middle one are very independent people, I believe it is because their needs were met as babies, toddlers, youngsters. My 6 year old, youngest, still needs my AP mothering, but is very independent these days.<br><br>
It is going to take time, but it all pays off later. I promise...<br><br><br>
Now if I could just get it to work with the dog, LOL. He is such a nervous pee-er, if you kwim.
 

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nods. my baby was the "velcro child" til she was almost 2. Everyone was insane. At 4 1/2 now she is the most chatty, loving, kind, independant child . the sunday school teachers always tell me how she's just so secure! (lol since i was told she'd be so clingy for ever if i kept wearing her in the sling all the time)<br><br>
my son is 17mos and is totally clingy now. but i know it won't last forever.<br><br>
my 15year old daughter is one of the most amazing people i've had the pleasure to know. and i think its totally because she was parented in an attached manner<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Yes it is! I have two high-needs children. My first is high-needs because of her personality. She has LOTS of tantrums. Even at 4 years old she still has them sometimes. My second baby is high-needs because of medical issues.<br><br>
AP has helped so much. I can't imagine how I would have survived and still loved my dd and tried to be understanding through her tantrums and strong personality. I have spanked her a few times in my lowest moments and I felt like [email protected] for doing it. I realized that doesn't solve anything, it just adds more problems.<br><br>
Abi and I are very close and attached. After she gets scolded for something she'll come give me a hug and say sorry. Sometimes she still needs to be rocked when she's having a rough day. Although we got her out of our bed at 2.5 years old, she still sneaks back into bed with us almost every night. Part of me is annoyed. Part of me really enjoys the snuggle time.<br><br>
My baby has some her medical needs and gets therapy twice a week. The therapists both have told me that I've very in-tune with her and she's probably doing way better than most kids with her issues because I can read her cues so well and respond to her so well. That was a huge compliment! They give me suggestions on what to do to help her and most of the time I'm already doing it!<br><br>
I don't do AP according to the "rules." Some things I was not able to do and other things I choose not to. And yet the main thing is there-- being in touch both physically and emotionally. Imagine your child 10 or 20 years from now. Your love and bonding that you do now will last a lifetime. Your child may be angry and drift away but that love will always bring your child back to you.<br><br>
Darshani
 

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My first child was very high needs and pretty much demanded that we AP him. We went with what he needed, knowing nothing of AP and later found that what we were doing had a name. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> He just had that personality that required a lot from me. He cried all the time for months. He had severe separation and stranger anxiety that included everyone. If I even looked like I was leaving the room, he would throw a fit. It was frustrating for everyone (including my dh in those early months when he wanted to help but ds didn't want him) and I can't tell you how many times I was told that I was totally screwing him up, spoiling him and letting him manipulate me. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: I got the last laugh, cause although he still definitely prefered his parents and wasn't very adventurous, he turned into an absolutely wonderful, loving, caring, sweet toddler. Anyone who met him would compliment me on how wonderful he was.<br><br>
Second child was slightly less high needs, but whereas my first child was an okay sleeper who preferred to sleep alone, ds2 demanded to sleep right up against me and nurse every two hours round the clock. Once again I was told I was screwing him up and he would never be a good sleeper. He is now four and still isn't a great sleeper. He doesn't like to sleep (he has better things to do with his time) and will try his best to get out of it, but he is pretty average of most kids.<br><br>
DS3 is a totally different child. He is simply put, the worlds easiest baby. He would go to anyone and not seem to notice. He slept great, didn't care where he was to sleep, and didn't need to be right beside me. He is 9 months old now and is starting to assert his "attitude" when things don't go his way.<br><br>
While we didn't parent each child in the same way -- that's basically impossible -- we did what each individual child demanded and needed. In the case of ds3 I often have to remind myself that just cause he is happy hanging out by himself, doesn't mean that he doesn't want mommy time too. I am totally convinced that every child is so different that we just have to do what they need. You are obviously doing what your child needs, and he will flourish because of it. There is a pretty good possibility that he might be more high needs if he weren't APed. Or perhaps if you didn't AP he would be one of those kids who gives up and becomes an "easy" baby because he learns that his needs don't get taken care of. It's not worth having an easy baby if you have to break his spirit to get it.<br><br>
You're doing great and what your dc is doing is simply normal baby behavior. Enjoy it all while it lasts. It all flies by so fast.
 

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Thank you Tash for being brave enough to post this. I was wondering the same thing as I struggled once again to wipe my butt without putting the baby down! I love my 9 month old baby girl and she is an absolute angel compared to what I went through with DD # 1, but like your child it's Mama or bust (also preferably mama's), goofy. She will go to Daddy only if Mommy is nowhere in sight and Auntie lives with us and can only hold her for about a minute, long enough for me to put my boots on. I love that she knows where she belongs, but sometimes I don't know what to do with her when she won't let me put her down. How do other mother's deal with this. I LO(I)VE MY SLING!
 

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It is absolutely worth it!! AP is all about relationship and I'd much rather go through typical baby behavior and come out with a strong relationship with my babies. Ben went through a really hard seperation anxiety phase when I couldn't go pee by myself, and once he was past that developmental phase, he was the most secure, independant thing ever.<br><br>
A really great book that isn't AP but totally explains why AP is so great is "Building Healthy Minds" It's all about how babies brains develop and what to do to encourage them at each step of the way and it's by one of the top experts in child psychiatry. Most all of the recommendations are AP, so I figure if the leading scientists think AP is a good idea, it must really work <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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Thank you Tash, for posting this. I'm going through much of the same with my 7 month old daughter. The other day, I tried to take a shower (CLEAR GLASS shower doors) and DD was hysterical. She also is till nursing about 5 times a night and oh, there are days when I fantasize about running away. :LOL<br><br>
But I keep in mind that this won't last and someday, my 12 year old DD won't want me in the same CAR as she so I tryt o enjoy every last boobie hug and gaze into her face as I promise yet again never to abandon her.<br><br>
It also helps me to keep in mind that she has no awareness of time's passage. So a 5 minute shower feels much too short for me but feels like eternity to her.<br><br>
But yes, I also miss wiping without a baby in one hand. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br><br>
Jen
 

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Thank you! Thank you!! This post is just what I needed today. I have 2 high needs kids and some days are worse than others. This post really hit the spot <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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I know in my heart that Ap helps even the most stranger shy child grow up feeling secure and confident. I have seen this happen with my own child who at a year would only go to one other person and who I had to quit work because I couldn't leave her with anyone when Nana was not available and yet now she is so outgoing that she hates being home with just me because there are not enough people to play with. I have even seen her cuddle up on the couch with a first time guest in my home who she had never met before. My question is: How do you cope with the velcro baby phase when you find yourself getting frustrated?
 

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My almost 21month old DS was little mr. velcro too...he still is most of the time, but there are glimpses of how he will be eventually and it's beautiful to me. it's the little victories that melt my heart...like the other day when i dropped him off at MIL's house so i could go on a date with DH...i put him on the floor, he ran off and started playing with MIL and SIL and didn't even look at me ONCE. it was a bit bittersweet, but ultimately i was so happy that he was confident enough that i wasn't gonna go anywhere forever that he was happy to play without me. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
it will get better...it will suck a lot for a while. there's no denyin' that. LOL but it will get better...and the payoff will be so huge you'll wonder why you ever questioned it!!
 
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