is being a parent "boring?"
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that is one of the worst things i have ever read (well, i skimed b/c it was too sad)
My kids are the single greatest thing in my life....they add color to the world
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My kids are the single greatest thing in my life....they add color to the world
How selfish can you get?
I wonder how her 12 year will feel when he reads the article. I hope this woman will be kicking herself , ten years down the road , when her boys don't call her for her birthday :"sorry mom, but quite frankly, talking to you bores me to death. My secretary will send you some flowers".
You reap what you sow.
I wonder how her 12 year will feel when he reads the article. I hope this woman will be kicking herself , ten years down the road , when her boys don't call her for her birthday :"sorry mom, but quite frankly, talking to you bores me to death. My secretary will send you some flowers".
You reap what you sow.
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I don't think I've ever been bored as a parent. Parenting can be hard, annoying, etc., but definitely not boring.
To tell you the truth, the author sounded extremely boring. I couldn't even finish the article.
And I don't understand why parents don't include their child in their world. You don't have to completely change who you are because you have kids. You can teach them about the things you enjoy. I mean, the author acts like her life is either coke and hookers or Barney and Sesame Street. A littel give-and-take between what parents want to do and what children want to do is probably the way to go.
To tell you the truth, the author sounded extremely boring. I couldn't even finish the article.
And I don't understand why parents don't include their child in their world. You don't have to completely change who you are because you have kids. You can teach them about the things you enjoy. I mean, the author acts like her life is either coke and hookers or Barney and Sesame Street. A littel give-and-take between what parents want to do and what children want to do is probably the way to go.
Here's an article from USA Today talking about that article (one of her sons responds):
http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/...ored-mom_x.htm
That is so, so sad.
http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/...ored-mom_x.htm
That is so, so sad.
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Yeah, I heard her son's on the tube. Their responses were so sad! Like one of them said he'd start drinking if he had to be a mom!
I don't think it's "sad" to admit that some mothers can be bored at times, or find parts of their lives unfulfilling. A lof of what she says is echoed in the Continuem Concept threads- make your children part of your life, rather than shaping your life around them.
The whole tone of the article is of a woman venting- she's frustrated with herself, her children, and societal expectations, and she's venting about it. Does this automatically make her a bad mother? I don't think so.
Of course, I can't help but wonder if she would have found her children more interesting if she'd spent more time with them, and tried to get to know them better. Still, I'm not comfortable villifying this woman based on one article she wrote.
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The whole tone of the article is of a woman venting- she's frustrated with herself, her children, and societal expectations, and she's venting about it. Does this automatically make her a bad mother? I don't think so.
Of course, I can't help but wonder if she would have found her children more interesting if she'd spent more time with them, and tried to get to know them better. Still, I'm not comfortable villifying this woman based on one article she wrote.
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| Because I have categorically said: 'I am not a waitress, a driver or a cleaner,' my children have learned to put away their plates and tidy up their rooms. They've become brilliant planners, often inviting their friends to come for the weekend (because I've forgotten to bother). Frankly, as long as you've fed them, sheltered them and told them they are loved, children will be fine. Mine are - at the risk of sounding smug - well-adjusted, creative children who respect the concept of work. They also accept my limitations. |
I guess, I just think there should be balance.... I too, enjoy time by myself- and in fact I WOH 8 hours a week... but bored? no, I'm not bored--- frustrated, challenged, even annoyed sometimes with being mommy? Sure! But then you get the hugs, smiles, and watching them learn and grow before your very eyes and it is so worth it!
Danielle
Danielle
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I have been bored, like Hollin, singing Itsy Bitsy Spider 10,000 times. But my daughter NEVER bores me! I find it so fascinating watching her learn and grow, and seeing her mind working! Totally enthralling! And I am constantly stimulated by how best to parent her. But that may just be a personal thing. Another on the list of my many obsessions. However, I do really feel sorry for the mother who wrote that article. Sitting through her son's cricket match? I'd be depressed if my parents never came to see me sing in choir or in a school play. Taking your kids to a movie is boring? Why not compromise on a movie you both want to see? Heck, I'd LOVE to see Pirates of the Carribean, and I'm 24! (We don't go to movies, cause it's too loud for dd) And I don't care if making lunch for your children is boring, it's what you do! I find folding laundry rather boring, but it has to get done somehow. I'm sorry, I just don't relate to these kinds of parents.
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And I hear a tone in that article once again, demeaning "women's work". As if SAHMing was SOOOOO boring, and pity the poor mothers who do it, because they can never again have fulfilling "real" work- a job.
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Though I do agree with Ruthla, I heard traces of TCC in her article, but it just seemed like she had it backwards, or wrong.
Though I do agree with Ruthla, I heard traces of TCC in her article, but it just seemed like she had it backwards, or wrong.
I was all ready to defend this mama, but I read the article, and the sons' response ("moms are boring too"), and... well, it's sad.
I think it is really important to be able to speak about the dark side of parenting.
And this woman's dark side, I find really heartwrenching.
I keep thinking of attachment theory, and of the term "avoidantly attached."
It's sad too that she is being lambasted.
I struggle with the line between taking care of ourselves, which I believe is really undervalued, and our responsibility to our children, and our effect on them, which is also valid.
I think it is really important to be able to speak about the dark side of parenting.
And this woman's dark side, I find really heartwrenching.
I keep thinking of attachment theory, and of the term "avoidantly attached."
It's sad too that she is being lambasted.
I struggle with the line between taking care of ourselves, which I believe is really undervalued, and our responsibility to our children, and our effect on them, which is also valid.
Ha ha Persephone! I also wanted to see Pirates of the Carribbean too. I don't know why she wouldn't want to. I guess what I meant to say earlier is that yes, aspects of parenting can be boring at times and it's okay to admit that. That doesn't mean you don't have to do some boring things sometimes. I think I'd be very, very bored watching my kids' soccer games but that doesn't mean I'd never go. I also think there's a balance between letting the nanny tend to your kids 24/7 and being an overscheduling, hypercompetitive parent. It's not one or the other.
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She's not bored with her kids, she's bored with HERSELF.
Okay well I've read more of the article. I agree with a lot of what she says, about the tedium, the martyrdom, the idea that "giving too much attention is equally abusive" as neglect.
But on the other hand, how is it that her children are boring and shopping and getting highlights in her hair is not? I don't understand that. And you have to give *something*. Like, spend the movie with your children without texting on your mobile the whole time. And then do something for yourself after.
ETA - I really believe that balance and prioritizing our own needs is essential. But what this woman writes of sounds like that distanced, uncaring, cold parenthood that has already done so much damage to many of our psyches.
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But on the other hand, how is it that her children are boring and shopping and getting highlights in her hair is not? I don't understand that. And you have to give *something*. Like, spend the movie with your children without texting on your mobile the whole time. And then do something for yourself after.
ETA - I really believe that balance and prioritizing our own needs is essential. But what this woman writes of sounds like that distanced, uncaring, cold parenthood that has already done so much damage to many of our psyches.
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Sure, some parts of parenting are boring, but some of them you have to do anyway. Just like everything else in life. After all, no matter how much you love your job, sometimes you have to go to a boring meeting or do boring paperwork or whatever.
I find the whole thing very sad. The woman protests that she does love her children, but from her overall tone, it's hard to see that, and I bet it's awfully hard to feel it from the kids' perspective. It's too bad that she can't see the harm she's doing her kids with her attitude. It's also too bad that she can't see a way to balance motherhood with having her own interests/hobbies/social life. We ALL struggle with that; I bet if she got off her high horse and actually talked to some o fthose other moms she disdains (the ones who supposed ly only talk about teething and diapers) she'd probably find that tthey're complex, interesting people with whom she might even have a lot in common. It's sad that she's closing herself off to all of that.
-Joan
nak, sorry for typos
Originally Posted by Hollin I guess what I meant to say earlier is that yes, aspects of parenting can be boring at times and it's okay to admit that. That doesn't mean you don't have to do some boring things sometimes. I think I'd be very, very bored watching my kids' soccer games but that doesn't mean I'd never go. I also think there's a balance between letting the nanny tend to your kids 24/7 and being an overscheduling, hypercompetitive parent. It's not one or the other. |
Sure, some parts of parenting are boring, but some of them you have to do anyway. Just like everything else in life. After all, no matter how much you love your job, sometimes you have to go to a boring meeting or do boring paperwork or whatever.
I find the whole thing very sad. The woman protests that she does love her children, but from her overall tone, it's hard to see that, and I bet it's awfully hard to feel it from the kids' perspective. It's too bad that she can't see the harm she's doing her kids with her attitude. It's also too bad that she can't see a way to balance motherhood with having her own interests/hobbies/social life. We ALL struggle with that; I bet if she got off her high horse and actually talked to some o fthose other moms she disdains (the ones who supposed ly only talk about teething and diapers) she'd probably find that tthey're complex, interesting people with whom she might even have a lot in common. It's sad that she's closing herself off to all of that.
-Joan
nak, sorry for typos
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"Invitations to attend a child's birthday party or, worse, a singalong session were met with the same refrain: 'I would love to but I just can't spare the time.'
The nanny was dispatched in my place, and almost always returned complaining that my son had been singled out for pitiful stares by the other mothers.
I confess that I was probably ogling the merchandise at Harvey Nichols or having my highlights done instead."
So let me get this straight. She sees that her children had been singled our for pitiful stares, making them feel bad, but she does NOTHING about it? Yeah... that's love....
The nanny was dispatched in my place, and almost always returned complaining that my son had been singled out for pitiful stares by the other mothers.
I confess that I was probably ogling the merchandise at Harvey Nichols or having my highlights done instead."
So let me get this straight. She sees that her children had been singled our for pitiful stares, making them feel bad, but she does NOTHING about it? Yeah... that's love....
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Exactly.... we'll see how "entertaining" she is when she's old and in a nursing home.
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Originally Posted by PinkPixie How selfish can you get? I wonder how her 12 year will feel when he reads the article. I hope this woman will be kicking herself , ten years down the road , when her boys don't call her for her birthday :"sorry mom, but quite frankly, talking to you bores me to death. My secretary will send you some flowers". You reap what you sow. |
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She definitely should have been edited a bit. I couldn't be bothered reading the whole thing.
I have felt bored at times, but not in the way she describes at all.
Originally Posted by papayapetunia I don't think I've ever been bored as a parent. Parenting can be hard, annoying, etc., but definitely not boring. To tell you the truth, the author sounded extremely boring. I couldn't even finish the article. And I don't understand why parents don't include their child in their world. You don't have to completely change who you are because you have kids. You can teach them about the things you enjoy. I mean, the author acts like her life is either coke and hookers or Barney and Sesame Street. A littel give-and-take between what parents want to do and what children want to do is probably the way to go. |
I have felt bored at times, but not in the way she describes at all.
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