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i was talking with a woman today. she is a working outside of the home mom and i'm a used to work outside the home/now stay at home mom<br><br>
we were talking about our guilts. used to be when i was employed, i always felt "if i would just stay home...." this that and the other thing would happen<br><br>
i said today i never realized i'd feel as much guilt as i do being a SAHM. i'm with her tons more in terms of quantity, but i dont feel the quality of our time improved. we aren't doing all the things i thought being home would be about (which is a whole other discussion) no tea parties, craft projects, games etc.<br><br>
i was completely unprepared for feeling guilty now<br><br><br>
she was saying that she has the working mom guilt - dinner's always late, so many hours away etc.<br><br>
i was wondering if being a mom just means you feel guilty over something, regardless of what you decide, its just a part of the definition of mom<br><br>
and i wonder why its moms; i never hear dads saying any of this stuff (rather the % i do hear saying it is definitely a minority)
 

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I have been wondering the same thing. It's like damned if you do, damned if you don't. I think you don't hear dads saying any of it because their "role" is to go out and provide for the family, so they do that. They don't have a choice whether to stay home or not, most of the time, so they just do what they are expected to do. I know some dads do stay home, but that is not a cultural norm at this point.<br><br>
My mother is still feeling guilty that she overfed (her word) my brother as a baby and now he's overweight. I just hope my guilt doesn't stick with me forever like that.
 

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i think it is a part of motherhood. we get all that great and magic love from and for our babies, but we get heaps of guilt, fear, and worry along with it. i worry that i'm not showing dd a good example of a powerful, career woman by sah with her. but that's my own (irrational) notion that somehow, sah is "less". i know i couldnt work outside of home without being consumed with guilt and fear that she was safe and happy. catch 22.<br><br>
maybe one day we can all feel good about our choices, and support each other, help each other "fill in the gaps" by playing tea party or taking a friend's dd to work one day. we've all been so pounded that we must be everything to everybody, supermom, that we can't do enough. we don't get to be human.
 

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Guilt has definitely been a part of my mothering experience. Dh has been trying to convince me to go away for the weekend before the next baby is born, but I don't see what the point is because I would feel so guilty the whole time. Even though I know ds would be fine with dh, and nursing/sleep is no longer an issue, it makes me feel guilty just thinking about it.<br><br>
I am a SAHM, and I feel guilty anytime I let ds watch Sesame Street so I can get on the computer or read a magazine. I feel guilty that I can't think of a bunch of creative/stimulating projects for him all day.<br><br>
I always have to remind myself that he is the happiest, most well adjusted kid I've ever seen, so I can't be doing too bad of a job. But it would be nice to not feel so guilty about everything.
 

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Oh, I've never felt guilty for being a SAHM. In fact, it's pretty much the only thing that I have always felt that I was doing 100% right for ds. I just feel guilty about everything else, including what I do, or don't do, while I am at home with him!
 

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If you are a mom like me, it is! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> Every time I have to respond to my daughter when her behavior is "difficult", I think about how I'm going to handle it, what is the best way; then whatever I do, I still know it isn't the patient, good way and the people around me think I'm a [insert favorite criticism of other parents here] kind of mom. Actually, I think most people think I indulge her and don't "crack" down on her enough, but sometimes I am at a complete LOSS. And sometimes I'm just plain mean. Sometimes I don't have enough emotionally inside of me to do the right thing (the nice, patient, non-violent, playful thing), and then I think about how damn EASY my life is compared to most, and I feel like a freaking loser for having such coping skills.<br><br>
Yesterday I was seriously thinking maybe I should get a part time job or something because I feel like I need more adult interaction. But then what about my sweet baby? I'd need to take her, and I couldn't get a job.<br><br>
Sheesh, I am such a downer these days. I think I need some good therapy or something!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>oceanbaby</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I am a SAHM, and I feel guilty anytime I let ds watch Sesame Street so I can get on the computer or read a magazine. I feel guilty that I can't think of a bunch of creative/stimulating projects for him all day.<br><br>
I always have to remind myself that he is the happiest, most well adjusted kid I've ever seen, so I can't be doing too bad of a job. But it would be nice to not feel so guilty about everything.</div>
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me too.<br>
and i wish i could hang on to your guilt for you for that weekend away. that would be heavenly for you. esp. before life takes that crazy turn into newborn-ville.<br><br><br>
warning, subliminal messages ahead...<br>
cough, cough, choke,<i>do it do it do it do it<br>
don't feel guilty<br>
you have to recharge your batteries to be a good mama, you can't be good to anyone else unless youre good to yourself, you know how in the airplane they tell you to put your mask on first, and then do your childs? be good to yourself, oceanbaby.</i> cough, ahem, cough, have fun, mumble, cough.
 

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I was just thinking about this last night.<br><br>
I am a WOHM and guilt is like second nature to me. I am also 35 weeks pregnant and am not as fun as I want to be when I am home. I really want to enjoy these last moments with DS while he is an only child and I just don't feel like it has been special enough. I had a massive guilt attack last night. DH had duty and I had been playing outside with DS all night so by the time bedtime rolled around I hadn't done anything around the house. DS wanted me to lay down with him while he went to sleep and I just couldn't. I said no which made him sad and then I just felt guilty.<br><br>
All night.<br><br>
It will be something new today too I am sure.<br><br>
DH doesn't feel guilty ever. EVER. Even when he is so busy with school and work he doesn't see DS for more than an hour a day. I don't get it.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">warning, subliminal messages ahead...</td>
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Hmm, I don't know what it is, but I woke this morning thinking about taking a weekend away after all!
 

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I used to, and sometimes it creeps in. But I'm making a huge effort to release that guilt. I give my girls A LOT of me. Time, energy, thought, love... alll of it. We all do. When those guilty feelings come up I stomp on them with the good parts. (unless I deserve to feel guilty, like I yell at one of them or something)<br>
Life is to short for that. My new focus is to simplify my life so I can enjoy it more with them, and stop feeling guilty about not being superwoman.
 

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i think it's a combination of nature and nurture that set us up to be such guilt-ridden mamas. nature needs us to always think and worry and wonder for the sake of our childrens lives, and nurture or... Un-nurture has told us we have so many choices and so many ways we SHOULD Be doing things and SHOULDNT be doing things and WHAT will/wont happen if we do this or that and so OFCourse we spend like, 70% of our energy on feelings of or related to guilt.<br>
personally if I could Just obey that little Star I have on my dash-board that says "Accept" I might be a little bettter off.<br>
Laura
 
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