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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">Originally Posted by <b>honeybee</b><br>
So what if the child doesn't want to go to another room, even after you've explained that she's hurting the other kids? What if the child would rather keep throwing things at people in that moment? What if there is a baby that is too small to move her body to protect herself? How are the other kids supposed to feel when the adult spends several minutes trying to "reason with" and "calm down" the kid while she continues to throw things at them and hurt them? And isn't an adult a person, too? Why should the adult be the human missile target?<br><br>
So, would you NEVER EVER FOR ANY REASON EVER physically restrain/move a child? Not even to protect yourself or others? Not even for the 30 seconds it would take to move them to another room? What if your child needs a certain medical procedure?<br><br>
OP, I think you handled it great. Those other kids... and you!... have a right to avoid physical harm. I personally don't see a problem with "imposing my will" on a child from time to time in select situations.</td>
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I did not say I would NEVER EVER FOR ANY REASON EVER physically restrain/move a child. It wasn't clear in my mind from the OP's description of the event if the child was throwing small stuffed animals, hard wooden blocks, or a myriad of objects. It did sound like she helped her ds move his body away from possibly getting hit by a flying object and redirected him to an activity or whatnot, so that he was elsewhere and otherwise engaged while she approached her neice. Then there was mention of other children about and continued throwing. I wasn't clear as to whether the throwing had stopped and resumed, or if theother children had remained present while objects were flying and the OP's son moved out of range. I did mention in my pp that one of the things I might have done would have been to help all of the children to see that they could move their bodies out of range so they felt safe and protected, that would include moving any infants immediately out of range I think. I would also like to say that there were other adults present who could have been enlisted to help in the situation too, just a thought for any future situations that are similar. If there are others who may help, possibly call to them to do so. I can sit here and think from what I imagine was happening what I might have done and speculate what I might do in similiar situations I encounter in the future. I can not say for sure what I would have done or will do at all.<br><br>
The OP did ask for opinions on whether or not forcibly holding a child was considered GD. Each of our defintions of GD is bound to be unique, I answered for me, no it wouldn't fit into my ideal of GD. I believe that for any what if that does not involve an immediate life threatening situation time can be taken to find an alternative solution that would not involve forcible holding, especially after the child has asked to be let go of. I have picked my children up and moved them before, I have led my children away from situations before, there have been a couple of times when I moved my son that he indicated that he did not want to be moved and I apologized for picking him up when he didn't want to be picked up. Picking up a child is not my usual responsive action in situations that have been similar in that another child may feel frightened or possibly get hurt, but it has been several times. Between my two children and my neice and nephew who I see often I can't think of one situation were there was conflict that didn't get resolved in a short manner without forcibly holding anyone.<br><br>
My nephew who is almost 3 is a very physical little guy. He is often in constant motion, jumping, flopping, kicking, etc. Sometimes the other children will want to sit and chill and watch a show on the couch together for a bit. My nephew will sometimes kick at whoever is closest to him repeatedly. I honestly am not sure as to the underlying reasons for this. I believe it varies and do my best to acsertain it in that moment when it happens. My responsive action is to place my body between him and the other child on the couch. Sure I do not want be kicked as well, but my choice is to put my body in the way and usually get a kick or two before nephew stops and I talk to him about what is going on at that moment.<br><br>
I can see myself approaching a child who is throwing items, even if I might get hit. I wasn't clear if the child was throwing as the OP approached her. I do think another option for a child who may not immediately stop would be to quickly move the items within reach away while trying to engage their attention on myself and assure them that I want to help them and we will figure out a solution to whatever they want or need. Once the child hears this they calm, in my experience. Now with my dd there have been several times when she was shouting intensely in the course of a conflict and not hearing me and I have physically touched her to gain her attention, or picked her up, or led her away. I can't recall her objecting to that at any time though, so it differs from a child who does. Each time there has been an underlying reason (hunger) for the seemingly out of control like behavior I was experiencing her doing.<br><br>
I can understand why the OP did what she did in the moment and I applaud that she is thinking about it and it seems wondering if that is the route she would take again in a like situation. I have definitely done things that haven't been in line with my ideals of how I would like to handle things, and am sure, fallible as I am, I will again, and again, and again <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"> . I stand by saying that forcibly holding a child is not in line with my ideal of how I would handle any non-life threatening situation involving another person. I also stand by saying there is likely an alternative way to respond to any such situation.