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Is it easier with two?

1484 Views 25 Replies 19 Participants Last post by  aussiemum
This is what everyone keeps telling me, maybe because I am worried about how hard it is going to be with two under four. I have 29 mo, and we are going to ttc soon. Not that it being hard would deter me from having another soon, but just what am I in for?

My mom always said it was easier with my two sisters who are 1.5 years apart, but she wasn't exactly the most ap...and most people say that after the initial shock they find it easier.

So what aspects are most challenging and how? and if it is easier what makes it so?

Thanks everyone!
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I don't think it's any easier but no unmanagable. But when I only had 2, they were four years apart. So easire maybe not but certainly more fun in our case!
I have 2 and apparently from all the people I talk to it's easier with 3 (or any increment after that)

the other bit of wisdom I've heard is that the adjustment from 1-2 is a great as from 0-1.

my dd is 3 1/2 and ds is 7months. I am still trying to adjust. mostly I'm trying to remember that there are tons of people who manage 2. but I think it's the APing that can make it difficult.

most challenging: when they both need to be held. not napping at the same time. when the oldest hasn't napped and is supercranky. bedtime if dh forgets to be super AP dad. and not being able to give the older child exactly what I think she needs because I'm holding/nursing an infant.
(sorry my challenging list is long it's been a long day and a long week)

I think easier comes when they're a bit older and their needs get met in similar ways

I have to add that I think at least 3years is a great space. my girlfriends that have infants with a 2 year old have it much tougher.
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In some ways it is easier. You loose certain expectations, like a full nights sleep.

You realize that certain things do/did not matter.

I did find it harder going from 1 to 2 than from 2 to 3.
Can you define what you mean by 'easier'?

If 'easier' means less work, less worry, and more fun (at least in the initial stages), I'd say anyone who says it's 'easier' either has amnesia or they're pulling your leg a bit.

If 'easier' means that you become more efficient, more pragmatic, and that the kids can maybe eventually entertain each other *when they are older* (therefore in theory giving you more time to do your things), and that you get to experience the joy of discovering that yes, you do indeed have enough love in you to give 100 percent to each child...then yes, it's easier.

The latter doesn't fit my definition of 'easy'.

It's different with two or more. It really really REALLY depends on the child(ren). None of my kids (at this point) are high needs, so I am not dealing with that. But because of the twin factor and the close-together factor there is no way in hell I would say that this is easier than when I just had Fiona.

It might be an interesting question, to ask your mom what she meant when she says it's easier with more than one. Always helps to define your terms.
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My 2 boys are 13 mos. apart and incidentally i dont remember the first 2 yrs of their lives--because i was so busy and sleep deprived. But at the time it was just one of those things, you do whatcha gotta do. The best thing about having 2 is that they do entertain one another, and always have a playmate, so it gives you A LITTLE more time to your self. The worst thing is the fighting. I hate hearing them fighting, but they need to learn to work out their own issues--with a little motherly guidance of course
Yes its hard at times when trying to divide your time between 2--or 3 in our case-- but it is so worth it. I wouldnt trade it for anything
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Thanks for this thread. We just returned from visiting family that has two and we have one. For some reason, my husband and I returned feeling that two woiuld be somewhat "easier". But please don't get me wrong, I KNOW that two or more must be quadruple the work. I guess for me I was thinking that my relationshop with our DS is so intense and close, that sometimes I feel like a little distance or a little more stuff going on might be good for the both of us. Is this horribly naive????
Mine are almost 4 years apart, and it isn't any easier, per se, than when we just had 1, but not so so much harder, either! Most challenging was when they were both crying at the same time in the early weeks--egad! And then the next hard time was when Baby started moving around a lot--having to keep an eye on 2 moving children when you are just one mama can be a challenge--esp. out in public. Libraries are particularly challenging!

I am way more relaxed this time around, so that helps. Having my older one be so capable & self sufficient (relatively) when the baby was born was good, too. He was out of dipes, could dress himself, etc. And also, could run and get thing for the baby.

I think for the most part, your second CHILD can be easier than your first, because you are more experienced & just have to "let things go" a little more than you did the first time. So, maybe having 2 isn't easier, but the child itself may be (not always, of course). Make sense?

We're all scared at first, then, before you know it, you are all settled in with 2 kids and you can't imagine it any other way! There is no magic formula--it'll work out fine & you'll all get through it!
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I think that being an AP parent makes having more than one child more demanding than for those Ezzo types for example.
When you're an AP type parent it really bothers you if you're not able to meet your childs' needs, and sometimes when you have more than one child it's darn near impossible to meet everyone's needs all the time try as you may. kwim? We tandem nursed, have a family bed, and held each of them at the same time often (you should see my muscles
BUT going the extra mile and sticking to your committment to AP parenting pays off infinitely.
I think having more than one (I have two dds ages 4 and
2 1/2) is "easier" in the sense that they entertain each other. So right now, for example, as I type this they are playing together.
But to any extent that having more than one is "easier" I ASSURE you the dues are paid early on, especially if they're close in age! Whoosh. I relate to how a previous post said the first two years are a blur. It's just non-non-non-stop.
I like to read that going from 2 to 3 is less of a transition. That's comforting.

And if you're doubting that you are ready to bring another child into the family then pay attention to your instincts and wait!
Don't figure that "well, if they can do it then we can do it" as I've heard others say.
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Thank you all so much, this has become a wonderful thread. I guess my question should've been is it a lot harder, rather than easier, b/c I don't really think about it being easier, just so hard that I am so stressed out for those first two years that I am miserable. and hence the children would be as well.
At times I think maybe I should just have one, and then when I think about it, I can't imagine only having one, and not giving my dd a sibling, I had four and I don't know what I would do without my sisters. I guess I just want my life to calm down a bit before we conceive and then the prospect of having a baby won't be so daunting.

But I think I am getting there. I feel like I am nine months pregnant the way I am running around trying to set up our lives and home so it will ready :LOL
And I also think I am overanalyzing it. I'm sure it will be different than I expected no matter how prepared I am.
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My brother and I are 10 months apart, and my mom seemed to think that 2 wasn't too much more difficult than one... but I was a very strange 10 month old.
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My kids are two years apart, and I personally found the transition from 1kid to 2 kids much, much easier than from 0-1. I don't know what my parenting style is, probably not AP and definitely not Ezzo. I also should say that it depends on the children's personalities as well, DD(5) lives her life like the Energizer Bunny on stimulants, mercifully DS(3) is more calm, but also much more cautious and easily frightened. I also think that having 2 does not equal double the work, otherwise people would never have large families. If you are running the bath, you don't need to do it twice, just put both kids in. If you are making sandwiches, or toast, or setting up to paint pictures, or whatever, you don't have to do everything twice, just make one more with everything that's already out of the cupboard. The Baby Bjorn sling was a great help when DS was a newborn, I just took them both everywhere. I didn't worry even one-tenth as much as I did with the first (DD had health issues as a newborn, much more stress). I have to say that although my kids play together very, very well, I do feel like I need to be the deputy sherriff a lot of days, and that can be draining.

I have to confess, we kinda decided to have two kids just so the first one wouldn't be an only child. This prolly violates every rule about reasons to concieve, but I'm really, really glad we decided to have two. Most days they are an absolute delight, both individually and together.
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Yep! Absolutely easier. And I am an AP mama
I found the first few weeks challenging with learning to BF a new little person, but I felt that way with #1 as well. It also helped tremendously that dd (who is my first) loved ds from the start and just happily participated in all the baby care

They are 18 months apart, and they have been best of friends, and constant entertainment/socialization for each other since ds was around 10-11 months, before that he was more like a doll to her

My life is truly so much easier right now with them having each other, that I am pregnant with #3. I have no problem meeting the needs of 2, when they are both crying, I can easily hold them both, and they end up cuddling each other as well, not pushing each other away from me which I thought they might.

It has to do with so many things, temperment of each child, your temperment, age difference, I think 18 months is easier than 3 years apart in a lot of ways, they play together well, and bathe together, can do most of the same things, etc.

I guess my experience may sound like I am exaggerating how easy it is, but it is just my experience, and it has been easier than when I only had one, now 3, not sure how easy/hard that will be, but I guess we'll find out in January

Good luck!
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Mine are 6.5 years apart so maybe my experience does not apply. I found #2 to be much much easier in every way.

I think AP is the easiest most effiecient way to parent. For ex. Bottle Feeding = cleaning bottles, making formula, getting up in the middle of the night to make it and clean the baby. Then putting baby in crib to hear them CIO. The stressed out momma gets stressed out listening to her baby scream and then cleaning up puke so baby dosen't choke and loosing a lot of sleep as a result of this entire procedure. AP=baby wakes up to eat you roll over to breast feed and both fall back to sleep in each other's arms.
Mama Kass I think you've got formula feedling mixed up with a whole lot of other issues. I don't want to get this post sidetracked, but just because my kids were formula fed (long, long story) does NOT mean that I didn't ever bf them, nor did I lay in bed at night listening to them scream until they vomited.
I did not take Mamakass to mean that formula = CIO. She was just giving examples. Aussiemom, I had to supplement with formula because of chronic low supply (loooong story)...most people I've encountered here understand that formula/BF does not make the mom.

I've been lurking here wondering about the question of 2 being "easier," which has been said to me. Most who say it mean that when the kids are older, they play together instead of with always asking Mom to be the playmate, as is the case here. With 2, Mom gets to do other things, at least for a bit, at least that's what they tell me. I can't see the early times being easier - I think people get amnesia for the chaos that seems inevitable to me. I know that's the case with my mother who had 2 under 3 and worked full-time plus in a family business.
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i don't think she meant that at all towards you. generally speaking she does make a great point. attachment parenting actually does make having more than one "easier" bc cosleeping and the other ideals of ap-ing efficiently and immediately meet the needs of babies'/children's therefore increasing overall family harmony and lessening sibling rivalry.
siblings being able to play with each other really can be such a wonderful asset for a family. my dds play together so much. i'm able to put away dishes, take a phone call... and many times they don't even notice bc they're so busy playing with each other. i'm forever thankful they have each other.
I certainly was not trying to imply that formula feeding = CIO. I was only demonstrating an extreme for instance between two parenting styles.

I reread my post and can see how it could come across as if that is what I was saying. I'm sorry that I was unable to articulate my responce better.
My boys are 25 months apart and I LOVE it! Right now the little one is only 3 months so I think it will only get better. My 2 year old loves his brother. He is constantly kissing and hugging him. He wants to know where he is at all times.
Everyone told me there would be jealousy issues...haven't had one. I would follow your mommy instinct. If you think you can do probably can.
The most challenging thing has been when they both want something at exactly the same time. It is prettyrare, but does occur.
I think AP'ing has made things easier. Slinging the baby has been a huge help!
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