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I don't know if my title is accurate. My child is almost 20 months old. Lately he wants a lot of things that he either can't have (ie knives) or can't always have (ie we are about to go out and I don't want him to dump all of the silverware all over the floor). There are many examples so these are just a couple. When I gently say, I'm sorry dear you can't have a knife, that can hurt you. He instantly goes crazy screaming, turns bright red, falls to the floor, cries tears, flails around and then looks at me and does the sign for milk. I always nurse him when he asks. But he does this all the time. My husband says it's his way of making up to me. But that makes me feel bad. Like I am being a bad parent. So what I want to know is, do others have similar situations.<br><br>
I'm not prefect. I am not always gentle when I tell him he can't have something. But I think I am gentle most of the time. But it doesn't matter, he always asks to nurse when he can't have something.<br><br>
Lauren
 

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You might get more help in Support and Advocacy...<br><br>
I can't say anything for sure, but when ds was nursing it always calmed him down. Maybe your dc is working up to being frustrated, then hits that wall when he can't have something like a knife, then needs to nurse to relax and refocus. Lord knows that when Owen had a freak out after we stopped nursing, I'd patiently try to work through things, all the while thinking "I wish I could just nurse him!!".
 

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It is normal for a 20 month old to want to nurse when they are distressed or frustrated. How you handle it is important. Helping your 20 month old gain some language and coping skills is really important.<br><br>
So, for example, if your child wants some food that is inapproriate, explain in simple terms why he can't have it. "That's not growing food." Offer something he can have. "Here's your growing food!"<br><br>
When the child protests, validate their feelings, "You don't want cucumbers, you really want the cookie." "You feel really sad (frustrated or whatever...anger is usually a secondary emotion, so look for what is really the feeling - maybe it's just that they are really hungry and they just want something fast!) Restate your firm position. Cookies aren't growing food.<br><br>
If they then asks to nurse, I might say someting like, "That is a great idea! You're a great problem solver! Nonni's are great for the body!"<br><br>
Or depending on how worked up my kid was, I might say, "sure we can have Nonnis...or we can have Nonnis after we have a healthy snack." Then allow them to decide.<br><br>
What I've written above worked perfectly for my very verbal 2 year old, but my son at this age just often looked blankly at me. He ended up having a recptive language disorder. So remember to keep your sentances short and no more than one or 2 words more than what your child is already using.
 

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Iguanavere I sent you a private message. Can you check your PM's? Thanks!
 

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IMO, if he asks to nurse, it is just his way to deal with his frustration right now.<br><br>
My son nursed very, very often at that age, and asked a lot when frustrated. After age 2, he wasn't nearly as interested in nursing at those times. Maybe it has to do with becoming more verbal. Maybe he just learned how to deal with it better, or just getting a hug became enough. All kids are different, but this too shall pass, some time. I personally didn't and wouldn't offer every single solitary time he is upset about something (although I would if he just couldn't calm down and seemed to need it even after being comforted other ways), although some mamas probably do use it more as a tool like that, and that is okay, too. But if he is asking, that is a clear signal of a need, and needs that are fulfilled will be worked through and outgrown with time.
 
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