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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My baby boy is 10 weeks old today. We have been trying for the past 2 weeks to get him to take a bottle. I thought it would be nice for dh to feed him from time to time and for us to have dinner every once in a while when our parents are in town. But, he won't take it. Dh will try and he just piddles with it...doesn't freak out, just doesn't know what to do with it. Well, I left ds with MIL today to run errands and see if she couldn't get him to take it since I wasn't there. Didn't really work. So, I have resolved to thinking that it really wouldn't be so bad not being able to leave him at all for a year,a year being my nursing goal. Is this unrealistic? I'm not sure that him taking a bottle from someone else would solve the problem anyway. He hollered the whole time I was gone. I nurse him to sleep and I don't think anyone can calm him without the use of a boob. How does this work? I know that in a few months when the excuse of "he's just a brand new baby" has worn off, mom and MIL are going to wonder why I can't just put him in his crib (probably won't be in his crib either...another issue all together I'm sure) and have him go to sleep on his own. Anyway, not sure if this is the proper place to post this but it is a breastfeeding difficulty. I don't imagine I'd have this problem if I was using formula!<br><br>
Am I fooling myself into thinking that 6 months from now I won't be freaking out that I have a baby attached to me 24/7 and can't go to dh's work Christmas party or something like that? The thought doesn't bother me now.<br><br>
amy
 

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It goes by faster then you think, trust me! It also is not long at all until you can take half an hour or 45 minutes to your self. I would say in a month or two you sahould be able to go for a walk or coffeee and leave baby with DH without too much hassle. By the time 6 months has passed you might even be able to up that to an hour if you need it. If nothing else at 6 months old they can learn how to use a cup.<br><br>
I have not been apart from Sam for longer then 15 minutes or so since she was born and it is no big deal. Take it in stride and don't let relatives stress you out about it! You know what you are doing is right, so just let the negative stuff roll off your back.<br><br>
MM
 

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In my experience, after 6 months my babies can be left for 2 hrs or more without a bottle. I usually start leaking milk after 3 hrs, so I know I need to get back. I went to Harry Potter the other day without 4 month old. I had nursed her really well before going and put her down for a nap. My MIL was taking care of her. We were gone for a total of 4 hrs, and when I got back DD had only been up for 30 minutes, and she was happy and content. She does take a bottle, but only because I have had a massive infection on my right side and all that since she was 1 month old. My 5th DC took the bottle starting about 10 weeks too. But it wasn't just any bottle. I had to try different nipples. Both ended up with the Playtex disposables. One liked the brown nipple, the other clear. I tired Avent this time, she balked. She does like the Evenflo nipple that comes with the pump, but I notice she has more gas with the regular bottle. As your baby gets older, you will know how long in between he will have to nurse. As I type, it's been over 3 hrs since DD's last feeding. We've already been to the Post Office, Walmart and Sonic (to get me a drink!) and taken my sister to work. She is now in the TV room sitting with her sisters and brother as they watch cartoons. I am on here to see what's on MDC and to check my email. I will then go fix dinner before nursing her. DH and I are going out tonight for dinner. Unfortunately our oldest DC is at Boy Scout Camp this week, so we will be taking all the kids with us but they won't eat except dessert (sister works at a Mexican place...awesome food!). She will be fine then until we get home and I will get kids to bed and then I can sit and watch TV while she nurses again.<br><br>
I was just thinking if you would have told me just 2 months ago that things would get better, I would have laughed!! I have had a horrible time this time around, and thought my problems would never end...<br><br>
Take that back...DD is now being fussy, so I will go feed her now. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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You know, 10weeks is still a young baby. We didn't try to introduce a bottle until DS was 4 months -ish. Just wanted to put that out there. And he's off and on whether or not he takes it. We haven't offered recently - he's preferred just to wait for the "real" thing, lol!<br><br>
Now, about staying w/your babe for a year. Yup, you can do it. Like MM said above, pretty soon your DS will go longer in between feedings and you can (probably) get a feel for his rhythm. That's when you can leave him home w/dad and make a run to the grocery or coffee shop without freaking out about him starving without you, lol. IF you want.<br><br>
Unlike MM, I have been away from my DS for longer than 15 minutes, and things were fine. I made sure he ate right before I left and that I could be reached if he got hungry. We nursed as soon as I got home, usually, and things were fine.<br><br>
And the older my DS gets, the more I can (and sometimes need to) be away from him. Now he's eating some solids, and thinks dada's great fun, and can understand that if mama's not there, neither are her nurseys. These things all combine to make it much easier (on everyone!) when I do have to be away.<br><br>
If you WANT to constantly be near your child, that's fine - and there's nothing wrong with it. But if you change your mind as he gets older/more independent, that's fine too - and it doesn't mean you HAVE to stop nursing, either.<br><br>
Kinsey
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Well, I guess I'm doing pretty good then. I have been leaving ds w/ dh for an hour at a time for a while now to got to the grocery store. I usually nurse then put him down for nap and he's good while I'm out for just a bit.<br><br>
I forget that they won't be eating every 2 hours or so a few months from now. I forget that he'll get solid food in his tummy at some point. They grow up! Now that's a bummer!
 

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i didnt leave my ds for the entire first year. he is 22 months and has still never been away from me more than 3 hours (3 hours at the longest, with daddy)<br><br>
it is possible, it goes by so fast. he is still nursing, btw, and i am due with a new baby, and i wont be leaving her either.<br><br>
good luck to you guys! just do your best to enjoy every moment and phase, i know it is hard sometimes.<br><br>
tabitha
 

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the first time we tried to leave DD1 with anyone, she was ten months, and screamed the entire time we were gone.<br>
The second time she was left with someone (besides DH at our house) was at two years of age - no kidding!<br>
If you and/or your baby are uncomfortable with being separated, there really isn't any reason to force the issue.<br>
My littlest one, seven mos old, will go a couple hours no problem without me around (she won't take a bottle, either), so I usually go shopping and run errands while either my DH or my Mom watch both kids at our house. But I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving her with someone else while both DH and I went out somewhere.
 

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My DS refused to take a bottle too.<br><br>
You don't have to wait a year to leave him...Once he's started solid food and can drink from a sippy cup, you can probably leave him...
 

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Some babies seem to have stronger preferences than others, for example one mom I know told me all four of her babies went happily between breast and bottle. But my dd had very strong preferences. First she wouldn't BF much and I bottlefed her. After 16 weeks I weaned her off the bottles and she was exclusively nursing. Then after a month, I tried her with bottles again and she wouldn't take them anymore. But I'm a SAHM and I didn't try so hard to get her to take them. I just wanted her to take them when I went out occassionally and that didn't work so well.<br><br>
It did restrict me at times but it wasn't very often so it didn't bother me much. Once she was eating solids, I could leave her with dh for about 3-4 hours. She'd chew at the bottle of milk but wouldn't drink much. He'd keep her happy with solids til I got back. She wouldn't really drink much milk out of a sippy cup either.<br><br>
This site has lots of good ideas for getting your BF baby to accept a bottle:<br><a href="http://www.kellymom.com/bf/pumping/alternative-feeding.html" target="_blank">http://www.kellymom.com/bf/pumping/a...e-feeding.html</a>
 

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I had supply issues that made it inadvisable to give Bleuet a bottle, so he has never had one. I left him with my mother for about an hour three times when he was a newborn so I could go get accupuncture treatments to help my supply issues. He would scream the whole time with her until he fell asleep in her arms. He has spent gradually more and more time alone with Mr. Bleu -- so gradually that it would be really hard for me to say "XYZ minutes at ABC months," etc. Initially he would freak out if I left him with his dad so I could <i>shower</i>. But ever since he turned one, they have gone to Story Time together and I'm cool with it, they're cool with it, and so are my breasts.<br><br>
From most people's POVs, I have been with him for one year soild. I am cool with it. My family thought it was weird, but as every month passes you get stronger and more confident that you are doing the right thing, and (for me, anyhow) other people's opinions become extremely unimportant. Bleuet has his needs met so well that I have been able to take him to the really big things, in exchange for not dragging him on thousands of errands that he would hate. IOW, we go to Mr. Bleu's business/social things all the time and Bleuet is the life of the party. We breastfeed when we have to breastfeed, and if he gets too squirmy, I just take him someplace where he can be free to be a toddler.
 

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My DD is very close in age to your DS. She doesn't accept a bottle either. Instead of leaving her, I bring her along, sometimes with help. For example, I have a haircut/color appointment on Saturday which usually takes 2 hours. Kay will come with me and I'm also bringing my 15-yo nextdoor neighbor to help out. She'll entertain Kay, take her for a walk in town, go for icecream across the street from the salon, but still be able to bring her to me for nursing if it becomes necessary. There are times when I wish Kay would take a bottle, but I'm fine with being with her for the next year or so. It's really not that long in the grand scheme of things <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">.
 

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Hey, just wanted to say, just because your babe doesn't take a bottle now, that doesn't mean he never will. I've had to pump when ds bit my nipple so that it could heal. I didn't want to throw out that good milk, so I tried the bottle again (around six months) and he took it. Even before that, I could leave for an hour or two before that. Your babe's schedule will become more and more regular, and he will nurse less often than now, in a few months.
 

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Others have made good points, it goes by fast, trust your heart, solids eventually help, etc...<br><br>
Just wanted to add that when I wanted to go somewhere (or had to), I often had someone come with me! For ex., my awesome mother-in-law came to the mall with us. I nursed dd, we went into a movie while they walked the mall (I know malls, blech), and I came out in 2 hours and we were together again! (I had a phone with me on vibrate and was ready to run out of the movie if need be, lol!).<br><br>
I did the same with a relative hanging out with her at around 10 months old while I was at an appt. It just makes the separation time much shorter. You have to have willing helpers to do this, of course!<br><br>
We even once had dinner in a diner just me & dh while his family was having time with the baby in another part of the diner! Okay, I know we're weird.<br><br>
Good luck!<br><br>
mb
 

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Well, since we're approaching year three of not going out without the babes I'll say it is totally possible. DH and I have a really great relationship to. We have dates and such all the time, picnics in teh back yard (monitor blaring in teh corner) under the stars. We play games and spend time talking or just reading together. We let go of the TV and it opened up a lot fo time for quality time together.<br><br>
As far as taking a bottle- my SIL is a day care provider in the summer (teacher) and she was the only one able to get my DD to take a bottle. She cuddled her in a breastfeeding like position (arm down and turned in stomach to stomach) and brought a blankie right up y the other side of her face to help her feel cozy. The tickled her bottom lip/chin/cheek with the bottle like one would do with the breast and then let her take it in. She would only take the NUK nipple- the avent were greatly rejected. Dh really wanted to share in feeding so I was letting her try to show him. he decided it wasn't as bonding as he expected- and hasn't cared since.<br>
I have had to leave my youngest with DH so I could go to the dentist and she took a bottle like nothing. Looked confused but was glad to be getting milk. She was at least 3 months the first time we tried.
 

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It's totally possible. Ds never had a bottle and I've left him for some quick trips to run errands (gone maybe an hour) while he played with dh. Dh and I have left him once when he was 11 months old, he stayed with my mom while we went out to eat for the first time alone in forever. It was nice, but not really worth the worry and hassle IMO. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
I went to a birthing class with a friend the other day and was gone for three hours... he was fine with dh (he's 13 months now).<br><br>
I personally don't feel the need to leave my kids all the time. My 3yo dd does like to go to my mom's house sometimes for the afternoon and I'm fine with that because she is old enough to want to do that. KWIM?<br><br>
As for daddy feeding bottles, I seriously think it's one of those romanticised ideals. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> My dh enjoyed feeding bottles of EBM to my dd when I worked p/t but there's lots of other ways daddy can nurture baby. Sometimes my dh will rock ds to sleep at night, so sweet! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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Lucas is 9 months old and I've never been away from him for more than 20 minutes at a time.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">I know that in a few months when the excuse of "he's just a brand new baby" has worn off, mom and MIL are going to wonder why I can't just put him in his crib (probably won't be in his crib either...another issue all together I'm sure) and have him go to sleep on his own.</td>
</tr></table></div>
I get this a lot from family! At first I made excuses (like he's just a baby, I'm not ready yet, soon...), but then I realized what's the point. I started telling them, "Because he's my baby, and regardless of what you believe I really do know best and will leave him when we are BOTH ready." Fortunately they gave up long ago on the whole crib thing, as my 6 year old still sleeps in my bed.
 

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I just wanted to offer my encouragement, the baby will be fine if you need to leave him even if he refuses the bottle, my oldest when he was a 7 months went to daycare for 6 hours a day five days a weeks and refused a bottle or a cup or solid food, and he never lost any weight (he was a rolly polly 28 pounds) he also seemed to be in a fairly good mood at daycare so I don't think the extended time away from nursing really bugged him.<br>
Now my youngest is 10 months and he has never had a bottle, although I have never left him with anyone besides dh, I have gone to the dr, dentist, shopping, baby shower for up to 4 hours at a time, even when he was little,<br>
as for never leaving the baby for the first year, no problem, it will fly by, and there probably wont be very many times you actually want to leave the baby anyway
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
You know, it really isn't that big of a deal to me to leave my boy. Dh and I talked about the bottle last night and we talked about how we are home bodies anyway. We never go to movies, and we usually only go to friends houses for BBQ and such...that's how we party!! The only think I had hoped to do was have a girls night out with a couple of my friends. Funny, I had this idea that I'd have a baby then I'd be out with the girls once every few months, as we did occasionally before, drinking too much wine and smoking cigarettes (I quit smoking when I got pregnant. Never could before but NO problem when a babe is involved...amazing). Now, I just don't see myself boogying on the dance floor, ciagerette in hand. I would like to get together with them at a restraunt and have a few appetizers and drinks though. Hey, six months from now I should be able to.<br><br>
I must say that being able to leave my baby is one of those ideas that was put into my head over the years. It's just what our society says we SHOULD be able to do.<br><br>
Thanks for your encouraging replies. I see the light!
 

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exactly- they say we NEED to in order to have a decent relationship. That isn't true at all- maybe we do need to connect and continue growing as a couple- but that does not require bottles or babysitters.<br>
As you feelr eady to go out with the girls just choose someplace close to home so you can come home if you need to <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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My dd is 9.5 months old and I've not yet left her for more than a half hour. I'm not interested in leaving her for longer than that. As a result of this, she just goes with me everywhere. I've taken her to movies, concerts, restaraunts... Next week, we're going to a 4 day music festival, and she'll be going with us to that. I realized a while ago that my wanting to get out is different than wanting to get away from my baby. I do want to get out and do stuff. I do not want to get away from the baby.
 
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