My twin girls were born in January, 11 weeks early. One of them was intubated for 2 weeks, the other was on CPAP, and both of them were unable to even be tube fed for the first week because I had high levels of magnesium sulfate when they were born (from them trying to stop the labor and failing). I got them on the breast around 4 weeks old, but they were so tiny and weak they didn't last very long - they'd suck a little, sleep a little, etc. In the meantime, I pumped like a pumping fool.
When they came home, one was on supplemental oxygen for 2 months. And both of them had become so accustomed to the bottle that getting them to latch, even with the shield and an LC, was painful, to say the least. Between the pain, thrush, pump-irritated nipples, oxygen maintenance, pumping, 2-hour bottle feedings, and sheer exhaustion of caring for my tiny twins, I sort of let BFing fall by the wayside. It just got to be too difficult to try and fit the pumping (because if I didn't, I would've lost my supply) and the BFing "practice" in all the time.
They are almost 7 months old now and I am still EPing. My originaly BFing goal was 1 year, and I plan to stick with that for pumping. But my heart hurts when I think about all we have missed out on by not feeding directly at the breast. Everyone says to me "look what a wonderful thing you have done by giving them your milk no matter how they get it" but I am still sad about it. I especially feel sad when we are out in public and I imagine I am being judged because people think I am FF when in reality it is the breastmilk I have worked so damn hard to provide. My girls have never gotten formula, other than about 2 ounces in the NICU when they ran out of milk and didn't call me one night.
Anyway, I stopped trying to BF probably in early May. But lately, occasionally I've tried to offer the breast, usually at night because they will start rooting around and trying to suck on my arm, and I figure why not. I'll get a few seconds of sucking and it's not too terribly painful, but that's it.
So what do you think? Is this possible at this point, with all these months of bottlefeeding? They are suddenly very "chew-y" and I'm a little nervous they will try and gnaw my nipples off. No teeth yet, but they act like they are teething.
If you think this is not insane, how would you go about it? I worked with an LC back in the Spring and have just been procrastinating calling her because I will have to admit I gave up back then, and it's easier to admit it to a bunch of stranger, somehow.
Thanks in advance for your helpful advice.
