[maddymama]

Hi Mamas,
I'm pregnant with #2 and due in August. I have some questions with how I'll handle my emotions when #2 comes around, and am concerned.
I was never diagnosed with PPD with #1 because I was able to change my actions when I absolutely needed to, and was able to fool my husband and doctor bc I wanted to be a good mommy. But, after talking to my friends, I realize my experience of DD's early life was vastly different from their experiences with their little ones. They enjoyed parenting a newbie, I didn't.
For example, I didn't want to hold DD after she was born. I really didn't. I didnt' want to feed her, change her, be near her, etc. All I wanted to do was cry and sleep. BUT intellectually I knew that I needed to bond with her, so I held her and faked being happy that DD was here (you know, fake it 'till you make it...). I knew that I wanted to breastfeed her from everything I'd learned while preggo, so I nursed her, even though I didn't want to at the time. I hated every single nursing session for the first few months, but did it because I knew it was important. I carried her in a sling bc it was best for her, but I really didn't want her near me at all. I cried daily for months.
So... did I have PPD with #1, or was it not PPD because I was able to change my actions because a part of me knew that I needed to for the long haul? FWIW, I was upset/crying/emotional/ faking it for the first 6 months of DD's life.
I guess I want to know what you wonderful mamas think, in order to help me start a conversation with my OB.... my husband and I have already had this discussion several times and he didn't realize how upset I was and he thinks I had a mild case of PPD with #1 and need to talk to my OB so he knows not to let me slide on this this time.
~maddymama

 

[lisasaurus]

I agree that its good to be prepared. I don't know if you had PPD, but it for sure sounds like you were suffering... and silently, which must have been extremely painful. It is wonderful that you are opening up about it now, and this will definitely help you out come what may with the new baby. This way no matter what happens, you won't be going through it alone. You'll have the support of your doctor and husband, and I hope you'll feel comfortable being up front about what you are really feeling this time around. And who knows, you may end up having the great experience you were only pretending to have the first time!

Congrats on the new addition!

 

[mamajax]

It sounds as though you were suffering very much during those first months. Whether it was PPD or not it was very real.

I can relate in that I was never diagnosed with depression after my dd and no one ever realised anything was wrong. I was able to muddle along and make a good show of being happy. I think I even fooled myself and didn't allow myself to fully acknowledge how bad I felt.

I think now I'm expecting #3 I can look back with hindsight and see things for how they were. I've finally come clean to my midwife about how I felt last time and about how anxious and low I am currently feeling and it is in some way a relief to be open about it.

I hope all goes well for you and congratulations on the new little one on the way.

 

[kalisis]

I think it is what it is. I also was undiagnosed with my first, but looking back, it was definitely PPD. I was so isolated at first and I thought it was all normal, but like you, after some conversations with friends, I realized that my experience was VASTLY different then theirs.

I needed help after my second. I was in a very bad place and was able to find a therapist and started meds after she was 6 months old. The stress of having two little ones at a time, plus my emotions and OCD wasn't good. I was totally blindsided by it too.

So, I think that it's great you are thinking about this ahead of time. Definitely bring it up and make sure they note it somehow so that someone will be on the lookout for it after your little one comes. B/c honestly, people and drs are clueless. They don't really even listen to your answers - I told DD's ped that I was feeling terrible and thought I might need some help and she said she'd get me a referral for a therapist and never did. It was heartbreaking that no one could see how awful things were for me and I didn't even try to cover it up.

Congrats on the new little bundle and I'm glad that you're thinking ahead to taking care of yourself.

 

[mamatolevi]

just b/c you can function doesn't mean it's not PPD. I did, and still do, a lot of "fake it till you make it." Just b/c I'm there and looking o.k. doesn't mean I'm not really miserable. You need to tell your ob what happened after your first baby's birth so they can monitor you for it this time or maybe even start treatment before you give birth.

Hugs.
stephanie

 

[Carrie Posey]

I had a similar experience after #1 and I had talked to my midwife about it and was ready to yell for help after #2. I found it to be a very different experience and did have any of the PPD symptoms with #2 but knowing I was ready to get help really made me feel so much better! Don't be afraid to ask for help!

 

[Igraine]

Being prepared and talking about the warning signs to those around you is being proactive, I think. I did have it with ds (first birth) but not with dd (second). Just because you have it once does not mean you will automatically have it again. Every birth experience is different for so many reasons.

I agree with pp, PPD is on a scale like anything. When I had it, I never acted on some of my thoughts, but I definitely had PPD. I would make sure I told my providers I had the symptoms in the past so they will be on the alert. I did this with my second birth and everyone was so supportive and wonderful (*maybe that is why I didn't get it the second time around).

Here's to hoping you do not have any of the symptoms and have a wonderful experience right from birth! Best wishes.