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Is it safe to leave dd with him??

1258 Views 19 Replies 20 Participants Last post by  Marsupialmom
Hi, I need some advice. Recently while looking for a recipe on my mom's computer, I ran across porn. Lots of it, really raunchy, young girls, gay porn, etc. My mom is naive and her husband (not my dad) is retired and home all day. He also has a special male 'friend' that he spends lots of time on the phone with and spends one week a year on a 'guy's vacation'. I think my mom has no clue and suspects nothing. Should I clue her in? Also, with all of the porn of young girls, I'm having reservations about leaving my daughter with them (what if she goes to the store or something? ) This is really stressing me out? Thanks. Andrea
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ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS trust and listen to your instincts.

If you feel uncomfortable, don't take the chance.
Well not so say about specifics of types of porn...
as kiddie porn of underage children is brutal but for adults in porn.....
someone
I know very well works in computers, 'fixes' many friends computers......and he'd say that basically most men's computers have porn files, not just a few pictures or links.... sad but true.

Also in my women's book club that was nondenominational run at a church in the church infront of the altar...one day the moms started confessing (testify?) their own addictions to internet porn (this was a church group of sahm mothers)

I think you should tell her that you did see some pretty brutal porn when looking for that recipie (if you were given permission in the first place)..that you weren't snooping and ask her if she's into gay male porn.....that should get the gears in her head rolling..but who knows it might be part of their sex life...stranger things do happen

But the porn aside, you have some pretty big issues/fears/concerns about this guy before. I don't personally feel the porn is an issue it was on a private computer not next to the disney dvd's where your kids could see them. Being into gay porn wouldn't make you a pedo.
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keep in mind also, that porn can show up on comletely innocent computers


if a non-computer savvey person is opening spammy emails or clicking on dubious links so much crap can seep through and be saved in the cache.

that aside, trust your instincts.
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Just to clarify: were "young girls" 18 or so, or were they prepubescent children? There is a HUGE difference between "hot chicks, barely legal" and kiddie porn.

If it was true kiddie porn, I'd inform your mom and keep your DD away from him. If it was only adult porn (regardless of how "raunchy" it was) then I'd go with my gut feelings- do you generally trust him, or does this confirm suspicions you've had of him all along?
I'm probably echoing what others have said. Looking at porn, gay porn, or even thinking that he might have a gay relationship on the side does not mean that he's a pedophile. If it WAS kiddie porn, then I sure would inform your mom AND the authorities. If it was, like Ruthla stated, "barely legal young girls", that's a whole different story. Of course, if there are other red flags, then follow your instincts.
I agree that it might be your mom, as well as or instead of her husband, who looks at porn. Some women
like gay male porn because it shows hot men with no women in the way.

Men who like small breasts have trouble finding them in porn other than the "barely legal" genre. As others have said, if the "young girls" you saw were past puberty, that doesn't raise concerns about your little daughter.

It's possible that your stepfather's friend is just a very close friend. It's possible that he's having a sexual relationship your mom doesn't know about. It's also possible that he's bisexual and your mom knows all about it but didn't think you needed to know.

Certainly trust your instincts about whether your daughter is safe there, but to the extent that you're using judgment rather than instinct, don't base your judgment on the porn alone. Whether or not you discuss it with your mom is your choice, based on how comfortable you are doing that and how much it's bothering you.
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If you have to ask, than the answer is no. My take is that if you're even asking, you have reservations. I'd go with your instincts.
Quote:

Originally Posted by girlzmommy00
If you have to ask, than the answer is no. My take is that if you're even asking, you have reservations. I'd go with your instincts.
: That is my way of thinking. I personally would rather be safe then sorry and not take any chances. Ask your mother to come to your house and say that your children must always be with her and only her. If your mother asks why, just say that you would feel more comfortable.
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Quote:

Originally Posted by girlzmommy00
If you have to ask, than the answer is no.
Agreed.
Yep, trust your instincts. I have a couple of family members I will not leave my dd's with even though I know they love my dd's a lot.
Quote:

Originally Posted by newmommy
Agreed.
Me, too.
I am wondering why no one has suggested that you report this individual to the police. If you truly found porn involving underaged girls, your mother's husband is not only breaking the law, he is likely suffering from an illness. Underaged porn often leads to child molestation. iIn addition, the young children involved are being exploited if not sexually abused. And, if it is not his doing, the police could still investigate the source and possibly track down and arrest the provider.

If there was truly underaged porn on the computer, please report it, at least for the sake of the poor young children involved. They need to be removed from the care of the guardians who are permitting them to be photographed in this manner.
We stayed at my mom and stepdad's condo last summer while on vacation (they were back here for the summer) and my dh got on their computer to look up stocks and was surprised to find porn on the computer. It really bothered me at first because he isn't my dad, he married my mother just a few years ago so I don't know him really well, and I know he has some undealt with issues from his past that he doesn't want to deal with (more things done to him rather than him doing things) but I don't have any specifics.

After dh told me I was sure I would never leave my boys alone with him. Then as my dh and I talked about it, we got to talking about my mom and stepdads total lack of any computer skills and realized that they are so illiterate when it comes to computers and especially the internet, neither one of them would probably have any idea of how to even find porn. Heck, they can't even open photos when we email them to them. My guess is that one of them blindly opened email and got sucked into porn hell where as soon as you click one screen closed, another porn screen pops up. They probably kept trying to get them closed, rather than simply shutting down the computer and starting over. I accidentally got sucked into porn hell once, but knew enough to just shut down rather than thinking I could get out of them.

Dh also said that their computer was so corrupted with spyware, viruses, worms and everything else you could think of, but they have no idea what spyware, viruses and worms are, and how to deal with them. So now, they just don't use their computer.
I could never figure out why two totally computer illiterate people decided to get a computer anyway. We decided that we really didn't have any concerns and I have no issues leaving them alone with them.

If you have any prior concerns about this man, I would definitely follow your instincts, but I thought I'd share our story of naive, uncomputer savvy, grandparents who innocently end up with porn on their computer.
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I wouldn't leave my children alone with him.

and if it was not legal aged girls definitely call the police.
I agree, go with your guts. It's always better to be safe than sorry.
Well, I was molested for years and no one suspected anything. I am VERY careful who I even let touch my DS and he's only 3 months old.

If it's Child Pornography, you need to report it o the Police. That's nothing to joke about. On the other hand, my SO had a huge collection on our computer before I found it.

Porn is a fact of life, and most guys like it. And if he's into other men, so be it. Rent Brokeback Mountain for your mother, and she might put 2 and 2 together.

Go with your Mama Bear Instinct. It's never wrong.
Quote:
ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS trust and listen to your instincts.

If you feel uncomfortable, don't take the chance.
Ditto ditto ditto. A mothers instincts are almost never wrong, IMO.
Trust your instincts also you might want to realize that your mom could be looking at some of the porn. She/They can have a sex life that you don't know about. Many people would never tell their children they are swingers or have open relationships.

Like the other ladies said about the barely legal type of porn is different than kiddie porn.
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