[yasinsmama]

DS is almost 12 months old. Sometimes, when I take something away that he can't play with, he screams and throws a fit. If I take something away, like a cell phone, or remote control, and he screams, we give it back to him just to keep him quiet. I don't want him to be "that kid". I don't want him to throw a fit when he doesn't get what he wants. Is this a phase, or should I start from now, not giving him something just b/c he cries when I take it away?

 

[olien]

Great Q

 

[just_lily]

I think you could start in a gentle way. It is not like you are taking things away just to be mean... they are things he isn't supposed to have. If he had a knife you wouldn't give it back just because he cries, IYKWIM.

Can you try distracting him with a new toy when you take something away? And of course, prevention prevention. Keep things up that he isn't allowed to have. (But I get it - my babe loves the remote too!)

 

[trinimommy]

I take the things away and empathize if he cries..."I know you want to play with the keys but they are not clean baby. No dirty stuff for mommy's baby." If I have something else to give him I will but I don't want hm feeling like I HAVE to give him something if I take something else either. Generally he gets over it and moves along. I don't want him being the "crying and carrying on juss cuz I want it " kid either!

 

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

I have a son that was like this, (and still can be) but I learned that if you keep being constistant NOW by taking it away and that being that, his fits will become shorter and shorter. Eventually, he would whine for a minute, then move on to something else on his own. Or sometimes I would try to deter his attention to something else, i.e. a song or toy. I think they can learn at a very early age, and are smarter then some people give them credit for. If you get into the habbit NOW of giving it back just because he cries, he will very likely turn into "That Kid" because he will get used to getting his way if he just screams.

I saw a FIVE YEAR OLD throw a tantrum the other morning, screaming, stomping his feet, and kicking his mother, because she wouldnt stop at Tim Hortons on the way to daycare. This kid was like 4 1/2 feet tall, so from an outsiders perspective, it looked awful. Now I am not going to pass judgment on his mother because she has four children and I am SURE doing the best she can, (as we all do) but it just makes me wonder how often she has given in to him because he threw a fit like that, and is this the end result?

PS I am in no way shape or form a child psychologist.

 

[LadyCatherine185]

Quote:

Originally Posted by just_lily Can you try distracting him with a new toy when you take something away? And of course, prevention prevention. Keep things up that he isn't allowed to have. (But I get it - my babe loves the remote too!)

:

 

[maryeb]

I would do the babyproofing thing, prevention as someone mentioned, but also "trade" for something else when baby is playing with something not safe, etc. Ds2 always wants my phone too, so I will offer him something else and look at him and say, let's trade, ds2! The phone isn't a safe toy. Ds1 is really good at trading with ds2, although sometimes it's just in the name of not wanting him to play with his toys! Ha! Good luck mama, it's never too soon to communicate exactly what you mean with your babe. HTH, Mary

 

[Biscuits & Gravy]

As others have said, I'd trade him for something he can have that is equally appealing. DS had his own remote (an old one that didn't go to anything), my old cell phone with no battery, and his own drawer of fun gadgets in the kitchen. All of these things seemed to help. Now I'm thinking about it and hoping we still have that remote and phone somewhere for DS2!

 

[KristyDi]

Quote:

Originally Posted by trinimommy I take the things away and empathize if he cries..."I know you want to play with the keys but they are not clean baby. No dirty stuff for mommy's baby." If I have something else to give him I will but I don't want hm feeling like I HAVE to give him something if I take something else either. Generally he gets over it and moves along. I don't want him being the "crying and carrying on juss cuz I want it " kid either!

: pretty much exactly. Sometimes when I don't have anything to trade so I just pick her and and start playing with her to distract her.

 

[sgmom]

I'm a no nonsense kind of mom who never gives in just to appease her babys wants (note wants NOT needs - needs are different and I always make sure to tend to her needs). At 7 months old my daughter has just started voicing her wants for things out of reach (she's almost crawling so it's mainly out of frustration - for this I don't give her the toy, but help her to get it herself) or to toys taken away, so we're doing a lot of sharing. She's already catching on that whining isn't going to get her what she wants. Her cries/screams of "gimme gimme" has quickly changed to loud "I want!! (pause) Please?" type sounds, and from past experience should just as quickly change from "I want, please", to simply "please".

I can't stress this enough. SHARE, SHARE, SHARE, and never give in to whiny behavior. Asking is one thing. Demanding is another. At such a young age though, it should ALWAYS be teach, and never punish.

I'm by no way a specialist, but I have worked as a nanny for 15 years before leaving to have children of my own, and this always seems to work well.

 

[soccermama]

DS had a few of his own things at that age and still does. His own remote, cell phone, keys, - we bought him toy ones of all of these things, too, but he prefered to have the 'real thing'.

 

[spirit4ever]

Quote:

Originally Posted by just_lily Can you try distracting him with a new toy when you take something away? And of course, prevention prevention. Keep things up that he isn't allowed to have. (But I get it - my babe loves the remote too!)

Exactly, they are too young to just take away, they won't understand why.

 

[Dreamy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Barbie64g I saw a FIVE YEAR OLD throw a tantrum the other morning, screaming, stomping his feet, and kicking his mother, because she wouldnt stop at Tim Hortons on the way to daycare. This kid was like 4 1/2 feet tall, so from an outsiders perspective, it looked awful. Now I am not going to pass judgment on his mother because she has four children and I am SURE doing the best she can, (as we all do) but it just makes me wonder how often she has given in to him because he threw a fit like that, and is this the end result?

I carpooled with a mom with a son like this. OMG it was NOT pretty, she always ended up giving in. This really encouraged me to try and do my best to avoid this type of behaviour from the outset.

DS will also be 12 months soon. He's started pitching fits for the phone, remote, car keys - these are things I really don't want him playing with. I've made replacements for him - DH brought an old cell phone home from work, I put some old keys on a keychain for him, he has an old remote to play with - but of course, none of these are good enough, he wants OURS!

Right now when he starts crying for these things, I put them somewhere he can't see them (out of sight, out of mind). Sometimes he'll try looking for them, then pitches a fit when he can't find them. I explain why he can't have it then try distracting him with an activity together or a toy. I figure this way he'll eventually realize that certain things are off limits for him. I'm sure he doesn't understand my explanations now, but it's a good habit for me to get into, since one day he'll know what I'm talking about and start to understand a little more

 

[Dreamy]

Oh, I agree with the "prevention" idea too. It drives me nuts when DH just leaves the remote sitting on the couch waiting for DS to find it!

 

[yasinsmama]

Thank you SO much mamas. Some great ideas. I do have an old cell phone he can use. In the kitchen, the only cabinet that's accessible to him is the tupperware cabinet, so I let hime get in it and do whatever he wants. In the bathroom, the bottom drawer is his.

I will tell dh we need to start teaching him from now. I really want him to be a nice, polite little boy. I know he'll have a tantrum here and there, but I just don't want to enable it.