Mothering Forum banner
1 - 20 of 30 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
469 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
i am the only girl of five kids, and the oldest and the first to have a baby. i'm going to visit every one in a few days... most of my family lives accross the country. i am totaly comfortable bfing dd any time/any where. i live with one brothers and he won't look or talk to me while i bf my LO, and it's not like my boobs are just hanging out. i'm usually covered enough where he couldn't see anything. some times he doesn't even know i'm feeding her, but when he figures it out, he runs to another room.

i'm not sure how my other brothers are going to act. it's not like my youngest bro wasn't bfed, i can remember my mom feeding him. am i supose to feel uncomfortable around them? is it a guy/brother thing?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
121 Posts
Hmmm, I nursed my 8mo at dinner w/ my family tonight and my brother chatted to me and leaned over and rubbed baby's head at one point. I nurse at EVERY family gathering and just act so completely nonchalant about it that it doesn't invite any comments or uncomfortable/judgmental looks. I don't make any effort to cover myself with anything, I just unhook my bra, put baby to breast and go about my meal/conversation. I've never had a single comment and I have a HUGE family. From my 93yo grandfather to my 16yo male cousin, I've nursed infront of them all and nobody bats an eye.
As the older sister, I think being totally comfortable feeding your baby anytime/anywhere is setting a great example for your younger brothers when they have babies of their own. Being comfortable hanging out with their nursing big sister will help them be supportive of their future partners too.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
259 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by johnsmom View Post
As the older sister, I think being totally comfortable feeding your baby anytime/anywhere is setting a great example for your younger brothers when they have babies of their own. Being comfortable hanging out with their nursing big sister will help them be supportive of their future partners too.
I also have nursed with my brothers sitting right next to me. One is 8 years younger than me and one is 11 years younger, and I agree that it's an important example to set for them.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
2,748 Posts
I think its that brother's don't want to see their sister's breast. I mean if you weren't nursing you might not change your shirt in front of him, right? Now I don't think you should cover up or move rooms, if bro is upset, let him leave, after a few years of watching it he'll get over it
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
287 Posts
I think it may be just a way some guys react. I don't have brothers, but I've been nursing in front of one of our male family friends since DD was born, and he still gets all embarrassed and won't look at me etc. I definitely think it might be that the brother is weirded out about thinking about/seeing his sister's breasts.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,557 Posts
Hmm...I don't know. I have a teen brother and he is completely unfazed by me nursing Avery. My mom is the one that makes an issue of it when him and his friends are around. One time they walked in the room and she said, "Beware guys, Danielle's nursing in there!"
and I said, much to her horror, "Mom, they're 17 years-old. Do you seriously think they haven't seen a breast before?" My little bro and his friend thought it was hysterical and they hung out in the room with me and had a conversation about breastfeeding
.

I would ask him about it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,775 Posts
my teenaged brother and my father were both cool with me breast feeding.. and both totally looked the other way if they were getting a full frontal. i had a hard time nursing ds b/c he was jaundiced and mad sleepy.. so getting him to latch for real was hard and involved several tries.. which means a lot of boobage.. and my dad and my bro just weren't real into looking at my boobs for more then a second to latch... so they looked away lol. but i bf around them all the time and they had no problems with it. heck i was bfing while eating dinner and playing cards lol. but the minute i had latch problems and was hanging out with both straps in the nursing tank undone they were staring at the ceiling and whistling lol
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,270 Posts
In my husband's world, his sisters are virgin's dispite two of them having kids. Only one has nursed (the other pumped for a long time) and she's always completely covered (think hooter hider) and dh still won't look at her. I told her to just not worry about it and that dh can leave if he doesn't like it. It's not like he hasn't seen a woman nurse. I think a lot of it is the brother thing.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,066 Posts
It's a guy brother thing in my family. I think with my brothers it's the realization that their little sister has grown up, had sex and had children. Plus the women in my family don't breastfeed.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
692 Posts
My BIL runs when I am nursing. My brother has never seen me nurse (he lives too far
). I know my BIL just doesnt want to see my breast. Maybe your brother just doesnt want to see his sister's breast?

I would nurse in front of your other brothers and really its their choice if they want to leave.
Silly boys.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,190 Posts
We had a friend from high school come to visit recently who seemed pretty darn uncomfortable with it. I made light of it (i.e., made it clear that I was comfortable with the situation and that he didn't need to worry about it/me), and while I could tell he was squirming, he mostly just looked away and kept up the conversation. I'm hoping it'll eventually warm him up to being more comfortable with NIP. Course that wasn't NIP (it was in my living room), but YKWIM. I think everyone acting normal about it is a good thing.

I also think someone who is uncomfortable leaving is much better than them asking the nursing mother to leave. I wouldn't let it bother you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,186 Posts
My brother still occasionally leaves the room when I nurse. He is perfectly fine with nursing and agrees it is best but just does not want to see his sisters breast. Not that much is showing.
Does not bug me.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
253 Posts
I have always wondered if they react the way they think we want them to react.
KWIM?
Maybe he feels like he is respecting you by leaving and giving you privacy.
Maybe you could tell him you don't mind if hes in the room.

I am very pro-breastfeeding and NIP, but i know i have personally felt awkward like i didn't know if the mother minded if i was there or whatever...
Every woman is different. So its hard to know what they think is appropriate.
ya know?

I have a friend who at that time was breastfeeding her older infant after not breastfeeding her first 2 for very long. she would NEVER nurse in public. I never saw her nurse. I kinda wondered if she really did...
she would just feed the baby formula anytime someone was around or she was out.
I remember nursing my nearly 2 1/2 year old son one time at her house in front of her...(all covered up, mind you) and it was VERY awkward in the room
LOL!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
999 Posts
My brother isn't bothered at all by it. No one in the family is, except for SIL's bf, who can't even deal with the word "breast." Seriously. But whatever, he can exclude himself from the rest of the family at gatherings.

Totally OT, but reminds me of an experience DH had with my aunt. He and DS were meeting her for the first time, and were chatting in my dad's living room while I was getting dressed. Dad has two large cubist paintings with lots of breasts (that's a whole nother story...) and ds was staring at them. DH was like, "oh, you see the breasts? They look soo good, don't they? You love breasts, don't you?" My aunt got really uncomfortable and said, "I think he's a little young for that, don't you? I think you're the one who loves breasts a little too much." DH had the most perplexed look on his face (as I was walking into the room) and he said, "What are you talking about? I weaned a LONG time ago. DS is the one nursing!"
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,907 Posts
Hey mami!

Our babies share a name!!! My son's is spelled Ryo, but it's a gorgeous name, and I'm so happy to see another family that has chosen it.


As to your question, it's a cultural thing. We have all been taught that breasts are 'naughty' or dirty or for sex, and as such have forgotten how to see/understand them in the context of their natural purpose, which of course is feeding babies. It's yet another side-effect of woman-hating, patriarchal culture.

It's not your problem, mami. It's a much larger issue of cultural butt-backwardness. It'll go when we all stop conforming to it and refuse to hide in the corner when feeding our children naturally.

So you go, mami! Nurse that sweet baby wherever you want, you are doing everything right!!!
:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
43,705 Posts
The whole "not wanting to see your sister's breasts" is all tied in with the cultural norms about breasts being sexual. No guys have any problems seeing their sisters ARMS, do they?

Still, when dealing with individuals sometimes you need to step back from the wider picture and just deal with the person. OK, he's uncomfortable watching you nurse, he can look away or he can leave the room- his choice.

I unfortunately haven't seen my brother much since becoming an adult, and I honestly can't remember his reaction to seeing me nurse, or if it was different with my daughters (before he had kids) or with DS (when he was already married and TTC). I do remember it being "no big deal" when they came to visit with their infant son (DS was a toddler), even though SIL retreated into a bedroom to nurse. I suspect it had more to do with "I'm overwhelmed and want some time to myself, nursing is a good excuse" than with discomfort over NIP.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
2,231 Posts
No brothers in my family, I think a lot of it will vary; I've several guy friends who are as close as brothers (or cousins at least) and they've had varying degrees of comfortability about my nursing around them. And some of the most outspokenly dirty-minded ones, ended up being quite comfortable with me nursing - just carried on our conversation like normal. So it will vary.

It may be that you will need to just say, "You know, I'm comfortable, and you're worried about that [whether I'm uncomfortable], just keep talking, this is a normal part of parenting for us and I'm enjoying our conversation."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,187 Posts
Hmm, I'm the oldest sister, so I put on my oldest sister hat, and said basically, I'm nursing here, wherever I want (at Mom's house) and you (my teenaged brother) not only need to get comfortable with it pronto, but I expect you to strongly encourage your future wife to breastfeed and support her in that effort. It's hard, it takes a lot of work and support, and you will be a part of that equation.

Doesn't EVERYONE have an older sister relationship like this with their brother sibs?
 
1 - 20 of 30 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top