Mothering Forum banner
1 - 9 of 9 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,401 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have a 2 year old and we're just beginning to look into GD as he starts to test more and more. I have several friends who are great fans of the Parenting with Love & Logic Series. http://www.loveandlogic.com/

I was wondering if this is considered GD and what y'all think of it.

Thanks,
Jenn
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,320 Posts
If you do a search there have been several very interesting threads on L&L in this forum. But I think the general consensus is that no, it's not very GD. Although it's not a settled question as you can tell from the length of the threads in question.
They are worth a read.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,450 Posts
I think it depends on how it is applied but I agree with nora's mama that it has already been discussed a lot. Since doing a search would probably give you a hundred threads to read, I found the one that came up a few weeks back and lasted for a while.

love and logic thread
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,401 Posts
Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thanks so much. We were without the search function for so long that I keep forgetting its back.


I seem to be search challenged. I just did an "advanced search" for "love and logic" in titles only but it came up with a gillion things that just had love in the title. What am I doing wrong?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,364 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by JuniperMama
I seem to be search challenged. I just did an "advanced search" for "love and logic" in titles only but it came up with a gillion things that just had love in the title. What am I doing wrong?
Did you put it in quotes, just like you did above? If you don't include the quotes, it will search for the individual words rather than the specific phrase. Otherwise, I don't know.

As for L & L, I think it is gentle. There are pieces of it that may be on the coercive side, but it is gentle. The "non-coercive" and "gentle discipline" schools of thoughts are entirely different. I think being non-coercive is a good ideal to aim for (as long as it is done in a way that respects all family members and not just the children, and that allows children to learn the natural workings of the world...which I think it often is not), but I have found that there are places and times for gentle discipline.

At home, I have used bits and pieces of L & L as I felt comfortable with it. I'd like to take another L & L class to re-examine some of the stuff. (By the way, the L & L theories have evolved over time...some of the old books will make recommendations that are now seen by the authors as being very wrong.) The way I use it is rather modified. For example, when I empathize with my child, I want to truly be empathetic. I think empathy is an important relational skill to model. So, I avoid the false-empathy involved sometimes in L & L, and instead make an effort to find the empathy in my heart and be sincere when I say the prescribed phrases, such as, "What a bummer!" Overall, I find some of the tools from L & L quite helpful.

I think there may be some old material getting confused with the new, evolved L & L writing (on the linked thread)...because some of the examples of "L & L" treatment given don't sound familiar to me at all. I foster parent, and L & L is commonly taught to foster parents as a method of discipline. In my state it is also illegal to withold food from a foster child as discipline. So the idea that L & L is largely about witholding food seems mistaken to me, and I can't remember that being a focus of the L & L book or the course I took. And, unlike the linked thread seems to imply, I think the consequences they give as examples are only that, examples. I would not be a fan of many of the consequences, but could still use some of the L & L tools with other consequences. Again, I see non-coercive parenting and gentle discipline as being two different entities (and sometimes opposing foundational viewpoints altogether), but ones that can be used in balance in different situations. I also use some of the L & L stuff in my work, and have found it useful as the administrator of a religious school.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
12,445 Posts
I took a Love and Logic class, and the more I think about their techniques and read about them, I think no, it's not really, mostly because of their timeouts.

I think it's a good 'first step' for parents who are convinced that punitive discipline is the only way to go, but there are parts that really bother me. The major one is that time-out is the universal "end of the line" and it's used punitively -- the child is supposed to be alone in the room until they stop screaming/crying AND THEN you set the timer for 3 minutes before they can come out. What's that 3 minutes supposed to do?

On the other hand, there are things in there that are helpful -- "save the talk for the happy times" -- in other words, don't nag and lecture your kids, ESPECIALLY in the middle of a crisis/meltdown whatever. They talk about having natural consequences and letting the child learn from small mistakes (buying a $2 junk toy which breaks the first time they use it) while providing empathy. Practicing skills or things that aren't going well. Not getting invovled in arguments with your kids.

The course that we took also stressed the idea of not praising kids, but rather letting them draw their own conclusions from your descriptions -- something I'm trying to get dh to work on. I don't know if that was L&L or the instructor's own 2 cents.

And I agree about the other thread: Love & Logic does NOT advocate withholding food. They do suggest that for kids who are dawdling over dinner or dawdling coming to dinner, that you set a time limit and then after that, dinner is 'over' and the food is put away. But as a pp said, that's an EXAMPLE. And I don't know who has kids who dawdle over dininer, but they've never been to dinner at OUR house.
My kids sit (more or less), they eat, they're done. When they say they're done, they are free to get up and leave.

So, like all parenting books, it's got some things in it that are useful, some that I disagree with.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,364 Posts
I don't even remember the timeouts stuff. I don't think it was emphasized in the L & L class I went to, and I must have just disregarded it if it was in the books, because I didn't know L & L taught a timeout system.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,959 Posts
I don't like their ideas very much. Very out-of-line with my parenting...

Those threads are a good read. Get a cup of tea and enjoy!
 
1 - 9 of 9 Posts
Top