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i had her 8wks premature,she spent 3wksin the hospital. i bf and she sleeps with me at night. during the day if she goes to sleep and i try to put her down in a bassinet or swing she lasts only 5-20 minutes and wakes up crying. i wait until she is in a "deep" sleep - doesn't matter. she still wakes up crying - i try to put her in a sling - still cries. the result is i am holding her all day - and can't get anything done. i know i am supposed to not worry about housework etc but i mean i can' tput her down for long enough to get dishes done, or fix lunch, or even go to the bathroom.as a result i don't eat etc. is this normal? it seems like it is getting worse and worse - when she first came home she would sleep 2 hrs at a time laying down. now nothing, she hardly sleeps at all and nurses constantly- please help me figure out how to get her to nap peacefully! at night she sleeps (in my arms) and wakes up 2-3 times to nurse. i am at my wits end. when dh comes home and tries to hold her to give me a break she cries- he is getting a complex about her not liking him! help!
 

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Perhaps she is still making up for the time she missed out on being inside of you? Really, I think most babies prefer to be in their mamas' arms most or all of the time. Some babies are just a little more persistant about it than others. Your baby is so lucky to have a mama who listens to her needs. Of course, you have needs too! I would try nursing her in the sling, that way when she falls asleep, she'll already be in the sling, and you won't have to transfer her to a new spot. Also, you or your partner could try walking her to sleep outside, either in the sling or a baby bjorn (if she is big enough). Both of my babies were very hard to get to sleep (and keep asleep) for the first few months (actually, with Jasper it lasted until five months). I found motion to be the most effective method at keeping them sleeping.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">s<br><br>
Good luck!<br><br>
Lex
 

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Being a new mom can be so confusing. Esp when you are exhausted from all the premie issues. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
Your baby is only 2 weeks past her due date. She wants an environment that is much like your uterus, still. It is quite common for babies to wake up when put down. They are wired to want to be close. It is a survival mechanism.<br><br>
If your sling isn't working for you, try to hold her up right between your breasts, and cinch the sling in tight tight tight. Many new moms try to use the loose dangly cradle hold. Newborns usually don't like that hold. Only use it when actually nursing. Otherwise try cinching her up tight. It is called kangaroo hold.<br><br>
(Some newborns prefer a Baby Bjorn at first, probably b/c it hold them up tight.)<br><br>
This position may even work for your dh. But some babies prefer mom from birth. It is normal. Dad deserves to have his feeling of rejection heard tho.<br><br>
Your baby is probably going thru a growth spurt, nursing constantly. Try to have food in the house that you can grab easily, without much prep. If you are having trouble getting her to like the sling, and you must eat, weigh your priorites. Which is better, a mal-nourished mom, or a baby that has to cry for a minute while you slap a sandwich together? Or, get your dh to prep smacks for you before he leaves for work. Cut up vegs, hummus and crackers, yogurt or cheese (if not allergic).<br><br>
Don't forget to always have a big sport bottle of water at your nursing station.<br><br>
These early days are the hardest. It will get easier!
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
My daughter did this. She started in the hospital when she was like 24 hours old. When I mentioned it to the nurses, they were just like, "Oh?". No help.<br><br>
At least w/ ours, DH was able to hold her. But that is all we did for the first five weeks. Oh, and we could carry her in her sling. If you don't have one, GET ONE!!! They are lifesavers. When Maggie was 5 weeks, we also got an Amby baby hammock and she would actually sleep in it for 15-30 minutes, which was a lot longer than she would sleep in her bassinet. We went from full-time cosleeping to part-time. (She sleeps on me, and I am so sore if I don't get to move at all.) Using those two things, I actually got to eat some food and go into the bathroom by myself. (Try going to the bathroom and washing your hands while holding an infant!) <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br><br>
We also learned that there are times when she prefers to be in her swing, and will fall right to sleep immediately in it even when she fusses being held.<br><br>
FWIW, we learned our high needs baby has significant reflux. Ouch. No wonder she never wanted to be put down. But she seems to be outgrowing it as she gets bigger, and now naps better and will stay asleep when I put her down.<br><br>
Hang in there. It does get better. In the meantime, maybe some of these thoughts will help- they sure helped me!<br>
-Maybe high needs= smart baby? It did w/ my niece.<br>
-She is adjusting to everything. Eating, sleeping, breathing, being- it is all brand new to her.<br>
-She doesn't realize she is her own serparate entity yet. She thinks she is still attached.<br><br>
And try to enjoy cuddling her. My dd is almost 20 weeks and rarely cuddles anymore. She is too busy learning and playing. Time flies!!!<br><br>
edited to add: ITA w/lexbeach: dd loves being outside. When she was littler, it was bizarre. You could stand on the threshold of a door and put one foot in- fussing. The set one foot outside and she would instantly stop. DH and i took LOTS of walks w/her in that sling in the early days. She fell asleep 95% of the time.
 

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She's not too attached. She's normal. At 42 weeks, your infant's needs are the same as a baby who was born around 10000 BC. Then, a baby might not have survived if she was set down to sleep alone. Your doing what she needs by responding to her. She will be self-confident and secure down the road because of this.<br><br>
But you need help now. The sling is what saved me. She cries when you put her in the sling? What kind of sling do you have? There are some slings for tiny babies and some for bigger babies. Could your's be too big for her? My son did not like the nojo when he was tiny but was fine in one (no brand, just from the village where my former boss was from) from Ghana. Also, have you worn your DD while she is having some awake time. Maybe that could be a way for her to get used to it some. Also, maybe you could try putting her in the sling to nurse her to sleep. If she falls asleep outside of the sling, it may just be too much of an interuption to be moved to the sling.<br><br>
Figuring out the sling will help a lot. The sling can also be a good way for your husband to not feel left out. A baby that is asleep in a sling can easily be switched to another person with little disturbance for them. If she doesn't look swallowed up in your sling, read over the literature that came with the sling to make sure your using it correctly. I know from here that you could probably get help in the sling from LLL. There are some members here who give or want to give baby-wearing classes. If you consider all the different ways to baby-wear, there is at least one that both you and your babe will be happy with. This site isn't in English, but I think it's a great site as far as diversity. <a href="http://perinatalite.chez.tiscali.fr/portage.htm" target="_blank">http://perinatalite.chez.tiscali.fr/portage.htm</a>
 

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My full-term 3 week old will occasionally let me put her down for a couple minutes, but that's it. She wants to be sleeping on me and held or in the sling when she's awake. The sling is the only reason I get anything done most days. My ds was the same way and now he's an independant 3 yr old.<br><br>
Your baby sounds "normal." Don't let anyone tell you that you're going to spoil her or whatever. Babies need to be held. The difference between you and the naysayers is that you're meeting your baby's needs.<br><br>
Here's some info on "high-need" babies:<br><a href="http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T050100.asp" target="_blank">http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T050100.asp</a>
 

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My ds is also 10 wks old (full term) and he is the same EXACT way. I hold him all day. And even then he <span style="text-decoration:underline;">still</span> fusses and cries sometimes. Most of the time I think I'm a good mama, but there are times when I feel guilty if he cried during the day - maybe when I took a shower or was at the stove, etc. It's a killer to listen to my love cry like that. I really understand what you're going through, not being able to shower or eat. And boy, did I laugh at Maggiesmom's post! I consider going to the bathroom with an infant a high art. Today ds would not sit alone for even 5 minutes. I made a tuna sandwich and ate it while he was in the BBjorn. I dropped a big, mushy dollop of tuna on his head because I have to eat around him in the carrier.<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br><br>
I bought a new native sling - he screams the entire time he's in it. What helped me is the Baby Bjorn. He still cries when I put him in. He also fusses for a bit (but he's getting better about fussing in it). If I put him in when he's ready for a nap he will actually sleep for at least an hour, maybe more. Yes, my back does hurt after awhile, but I'm a bit of a neat freak and I trade the little ache for clean floors. DH will put on the Bjorn and carry the baby around in the evening if he's cranky. We bought the "extra long" size carrier to fit a man. But Lexbeach was right - they like motion - so if we sit with ds in the Bjorn before he falls asleep -- then all bets are off and he cries still. So I walk and walk. I think of it as part of my exercise for the day.<br><br>
My ds also goes through non-stop nursing marathons. I went to an amazing, wonderful lactation consultant when ds was just days old and she assured me that continous nursing episodes are normal and desirable. The baby leads the way for establishing what he needs - as long as you follow his cues and feed him when he asks to be fed. One thing that I have noticed is that sometimes my baby wants to nurse again - maybe 15 or 20 minutes after nursing for what seems like a full meal. ONLY THEN, will he sleep. Dr. Sears in the big Baby Book suggests that you may offer the breast anytime they appear to be fussing / unhappy (and you know it's not diaper, too cold, etc.). I do this and it works for my ds. Sometimes he doesn't want to nurse, but sometimes he does and latches on with such gusto and I'm glad that I'm listening to him and was able to make him happy. My ds also wakes up about 2x per night. I nurse him in bed, lying next to him. Some nights I don't even remember how many times he woke up. It's just a big nursing blur.<br><br>
Other than nursing and walking in BBjorn I have not found anything that helps ds with daytime napping. What helps ME is writing my questions to all these mama-sisters and reading other's posts. I feel not so alone and it also rouses my sense of humor. I see the funny side of holding my baby while peeing..for the third time in a day. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/ROTFLMAO.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rotflmao"> Hang in there - I will do the same! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Seems as if I completely forgot to mention the tape I made of the vacuum cleaner. DD will actually sleep for 1-2 hours if I play this for a couple minutes when she stirs. Otherwise, she still only naps for 15-30 min and is fussy. (Can you her the vacuum playing as I type?)
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/oops.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="oops">T<br><br>
Maggies Mom: You are a character! Your posts keep me lauging. I can only picture you <span style="text-decoration:underline;">recording</span> the vacuum!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/ROTFLMAO.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rotflmao"><br><br>
Does your SO think your nuts? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/nut.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="nut"> I think your'e hilarious! I haven't gone so far as recording the vacuum cleaner (although, I just may!) but I do break it out every single day and it also works like a charm for my DS as well.
 

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hi there~<br>
My guy is 3 1/2 months now, & still sleeps only on me or next to me! At nite with DH in bed & all the lights off I can sneak out of bed if I need to, if I can get him to delatch!<br><br>
When DH went back to work when DS was 3 weeks, I literally felt like I didn't get to eat for a week, that is when my milk supply went way down & I am still trying to get it back up. So DH had to make me lunch & snacks b4 he left for work, etc. Then DS had low weight gain & I had to start pumping & supplementing with a tube feeder to get him to gain. That was all I could do, no cleaning, showering, or making dinner, doing laundry, nope, nothing. My mom had to come back to help for a few days. What saved me was my Dad & step mom. When DS was about 6 weeks old, they insisted on buying me a cradle swing. I was against it, but it worked. DS could recline way back & if not sleep in it, at least be happy in it while I went potty or made lunch, or started diapers. I never thought I would use a swing, but it worked for us. We sling a lot more now that DS can sit forward facing. A friend @ an AP meeting said attachment parenting is burn out parenting, but so worth it. I agree!
 

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Yup, it sounds like your babe is normal.<br>
Your babe is probably still coping with the extremely stressful, unnatural event of being cared for in the hospital as a preemie. Babies' brains can become (impermanently) hard wired from events such as these. Don't get me wrong; I'm sure you had absolutely no other choice and thank God for those doctors who keep our tiniest, most precious babes alive! But it may take a while for her to realize that the world isn't a scary, painful place to be. Thank God she got a mommy who really wants to do just that!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><br>
My DD was born at home, on her due date, and she coslept and breastfed from day one. She was exactly like you are describing your daughter. Babies are all born with totally different personalities; it is about helping her understand that you will accept her for who she is, insecurities and all. At this point, to ignore her screams and cries would reaffirm to her that this is, indeed, a very scary, painful place to be. That would not be good for her.<br>
ITA with the woman who said that a healthy, well-nourished momma should be a top priority. If she screams for three minutes because you are making a sandwich or taking a poop, she will not be permanently harmed. Also remember that the quicker she feels safe and secure, the easier she will be in the future. It seems like every day is a year right now, living with a high needs newborn, but rest assured that it can - and DOES! - get easier with time.<br>
Hang in there, mama! Come vent whenever you need to! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 
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