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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
He has been super intense from the time he was born. And just more and more so, it seems, at every stage. Are these latest things normal? OK, first and foremost, everything he says, he wants repeated back to him. For about a year now. I am not kidding, every word, in the right tense and sometimes even the perfect pitch. If you get a word wrong he whines it over and over again until you get it PERFECT. Which if you don't happen to understand what one of the words is turns into a full blown tantrum, that can last for hours. We have tried so hard to show him how normal people talk, and we have tried to not do it (it is so taxing to parrot him all day every day). We can't answer his questions with simple answers- 'Can I have some grape juice?' can't be answered by 'yes', 'yes you can', 'yes, you can have some juice', 'yes, you can have grape juice'- no, it has to be exactly 'yes, you can have some grape juice'<br><br>
'I'm going to play with the hot wheel' must be repeated by 'you are going to play with the hot wheel'<br><br>
and so on. I wouldn't mind it f it were a little bit, but he speaks out every move he makes all day. Every thing he does, every thing he touches is verbalized. And about 85% of the time he won't just pick up the red car, for example, he asks if he can 'can I pick up the red car?' if he is playing with hot wheels there can be 20 cars and he asks before touching and putting down each one. Every move he makes all day is like this.<br><br>
And it has been over a year now. So it's not like he is just figuring speech out. DH can't multi task so he won't hear DS sometimes and DS just elevates and elevates until either DH hears and repeats perfectly or a tantrum starts. We keep thinking he will grow out of it but he doesn't. We have tried some days to not do it, and it turns into tantrum city. And then we think we are being too strict, since we are already really strict about once we say no- we mean NO! We don't give into tantums for anything- except this word repeating thing. It's driving me crazy. I think he has a major control issue, but then sometimes I think maybe he just doesn't understand. He will be 4 in May. Then I wonder if it is a mental issue, we have thought about talking to a child psychiatrist. If you haven't seen it in real life it is so hard to describe the intensity of it in words.<br><br>
He's got other major control issues, I've rambled on so long I think I'll just ask about this issue for now LOL! He seems to have real problems understanding things other kids his age seem to get. I feel sad that he is upset so much.<br><br>
Has anyone ever encountered this?
 

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oh mama, <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> you must be stressed out!!! i have no experience with this at all, but he does sound rather intense & also stressed out. Is he controlling in other areas? I wish i had some help, but i'm sure other mams here will have great insight. You may also try cross-posting in the special needs forum to see if you get more help! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Just wanted to send <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I agree with Bobica. I would check out the special needs board and see if anyone can address this with you. Have you talked to his doctor/pediatrician about this behaviour. Perhaps it is a form of OCD? Or maybe it could be that he has control issues, and one day you will wake up and he won't do it anymore. He'll be on another issue altogether <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/nut.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="nut"> I know toddlers do many weird things that we don't understand and eventually they outgrow them. In the meantime, I would make an appt. with his doctor.
 

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<div style="font-style:italic;">If you get a word wrong he whines it over and over again until you get it PERFECT. Which if you don't happen to understand what one of the words is turns into a full blown tantrum, that can last for hours.</div>
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DS is like this. When he says something I can't understand, I find myself getting nervous because I'm not going to get it *right* and I know it's going to make him mad and throw a tantrum.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Just bumping in case anyone else knows what this is. As we speak he is crying (over 15 minutes now) because somehow we didn't say something right about putting the blue box in the bathroom <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/nut.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="nut">
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>bobica</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">oh mama, <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> you must be stressed out!!! i have no experience with this at all, but he does sound rather intense & also stressed out. Is he controlling in other areas? I wish i had some help, but i'm sure other mams here will have great insight. You may also try cross-posting in the special needs forum to see if you get more help! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"></div>
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He is very controling. In every area I can think of. For a while if anyone in the house did anything- openned/closed a door, put something in the garbage, picked somethiing up, etc- he would flip out because <i>he</i> had to do it. He has mellowed a little bit in this area but G-d forbid anyone else but him opens the front door, whoa, it's a catastrophe! Or if anyone picks up or touches his toys, but that seems more like a normal toddler thing to me.<br><br>
I have such a hard time putting his behavior into words, it's one of those things you've almost got to see to believe, or understand. I've seen alot of kids and I've never seen anything like it.<br><br>
It just goes on and on. I keep hoping he will start understanding. But it seems like his communication skills are way delayed. We have been trying to get him to learn, for example, to ask nice, say please, etc. So if I say "David, can you ask nice?" he says "ask nice?" Or if I say "say please" he says "say please". DH and I have tried role playing the behaviors in front of him so he sees what we mean, but a year and a half later he can't follow the command, he still just repeats the command. And he doesn't seem to understand the point- like he will be yelling "ask nice".<br><br>
Or if I say you can do A after B, he doesn't get it. Or do A first, he doesn't get that.<br><br>
He always seems sad or upset and frustrated. I really really hate yelling and he is always yelling. I've tried so many different techniques to get him to stop like speaking softly, distracting him (rotflmao, yeah right, like I have ever been able to just distract him!), time outs, going to his room, other things I can't remember. Now when he starts yelling I just put him in his room until he is able to stop yelling. We have a tiny house and I think it is unfair for everyone to be right next to his loud obnoxious yelling. Ugh, anyway, I am starting to ramble. I just wish I knew how to communicate with him. It is tearing me up inside that I can't get through to him and help him.
 

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I definitely think you should cross-post to special needs. I certainly wouldn't want to seriously suggest anything without knowing a kid, but it does sound like some sort of communication/social problem. Have you researched Aspergers and autism? Kids with these disorders have trouble understanding social cues and appropriate social give and take, sort of like you are describing. Again, I don't want to scare you though. Kids can be so quirky and still not be diagnosed with anything. Obviously, only an evaluation would help.
 

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HUGS mama. I would definitely do some research into Aspergers and Autism.<br>
My son, 4, has Aspergers with Regulatory Issues(and has made such huge progress, you would never know it!). His behavior was always something I just couldn't explain. It was not normal, but clearly not autistic. I would definitely seek a professional opinion.
 

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I'm not an expert at all, but I've worked with kids with special needs for 4 years now (and some college on the subject but am an assistant not a teacher). The repetitive speech thing (making you repeat it, repeating what you say like 'say please' and 'ask nice') is a big indication of possibly some form of autism. That alone isn't enough to diagnose it, but everything I've been taught on the subject says it is a classic indicator, and almost every kid I've seen with some sort of autism spectrum disorder does some sort of speech imitating.<br>
Also the fact that he doesn't seem to understand what it means to 'ask nice' or why you should say please...it sounds like he struggles with social things even though you have tried your best to teach it to him. That is another indicator, again everything I've been taught about autism says that a main indicator of autism is struggling socially--not understanding social cues. And again, every child I've seen who I knew had been diagnosed with some type of autism had some problems with social interaction.<br><br>
And you said your son has trouble understanding 'first you can do this, then you can do that' So do many of my preschool kids--all with some type of developmental delay. One I know has been diagnosed with autism--the explanation for that would be (textbook training explanation) that children with autism are very visual learners. Words, lots of talking and explaining, they don't process it all as fast as you and I do, so they quickly become confused and frustrated. (You say "first you do A then you can do B" child is still processing 'do A' when you're through talking--they haven't heard 'b')<br><br>
What I have found in working with children who have problems understanding first-then in the preschool room is it works a lot better if you wait and then repeat your statement with fewer words. (limit it to 'first A, then B' the second time) or even take it down to one direction at a time, telling them the second part only after they've done the first.<br>
I have one child who has done really well with a first-then picture strip. We have a program called boardmaker that makes little pics for us, but for home use, I would simply go to Google, click on 'images', type in a word for what you want, and print out little pics for things you do. Then you make a little strip of cardboard, you go get some velcro, you write 'first' on one end 'then' on the other, and you let him carry that with him. Helps them remember, and eliminates the need to process verbal directions. Or, if you can do this and have a digital camera, take pictures of the actual things and print them out tiny like wallet size pictures. Some kids need that exact image.<br><br>
OK now for some better news....first of all, I'm not an expert, I'm not a psychologist, I don't do diagnosing, I could be completely wrong. Second, even if you do ask about it, get an evaluation, and find out that you do have a child with autism of some sort, or another developmental delay, it's not the end of the world. I would suggest based on what you said that you contact either your doctor or your school district and get an evaluation. If in fact he does have some type of autism, or some other developmental delay, etc, he will get help ASAP--free preschool, speech therapy (which also works on understanding social cues, things that you have been trying to work on with him, besides just producing understandable words.) For any child with any kind of developmental delay, the sooner they have help, the better things are for them in the long run. (and for you, the teacher may have ideas that work in the classroom that will also help you at home--for example, I know a couple parents use 'first-then' strips at home because they've worked so well in the classroom. We have nametags and pictures (of an item that starts with 'their letter' not of them) that they have picked for their table spots at school, I know one mom at least has used it at home too because the kid likes that consistency.) In our school, there are tons of opportunities to have conferences with the teacher and discuss how things are going at school and home (if you want to discuss home anyway not required) and parents can come or call anytime other than scheduled meetings too.<br>
I know kids who have come in at 3 or 4 with a 'developmental delay' according to the screening and gone on to elementary school with no special services because they weren't needed anymore. (Kindergarten they always make a 'transition plan' that includes assigning someone to keep track of the child and verify that the child is doing well if they have not been referred for any type of special services to continue.)<br><br>
I can't stress enough, the best thing you can do is get it checked out. If they say he's OK, then you know. If not, then he gets help--though I hate that phrasing.<br>
Ill come up with something better tomorrow it is 3 AM good night and good luck!
 

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Haven't had time to read all the replies but it sounds like Pervasive Developmental Delay (PDD). Why do I say this?<br>
My son is doing the exact same thing (among other things). He is being sent to an autism clinic at Boston Children's Hospital to get evaluated.<br>
It sounds as if your ds may have a mild form of it...if at all.<br><br>
As everyone else has said, get it checked out. At least you'll know. Even if he is not diagnosed with anything, the specialist can give you some suggestions for working with children with "issue's".<br><br>
Hope that helps! Feel free to email me if ya want to chat about it.<br><br>
Hugs,<br>
Liz
 
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