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Help me solve a disagreement we had this weekend at a family campground. My DH is very social, and it is something I admire about him. It is also something that is frustrating to me.<br><br>
Within the first few minutes of arriving at a campground, he makes friends with the neighbors. Not just friendly chatter, but hanging out at their campsite and having repeated long conversations throughout the weekend. The problem is that once my kids see this, then they wander over there again and again.<br><br>
I think a few sentences of conversation is great, but then everyone should stay in their own campsite. Or head to the beach or playground (a public area) to play and socialize. I think it is rude to go over uninvited and would be livid if somebody did that to us.<br><br>
I'm not sure if I am just emotional and frustrated that this beautiful picture of family camping I had in my head didn't pan out.... or if he is being too pushy.<br><br>
What do you think?
 

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That would annoy me if we were camping near you. I'm friendly to the families near us, and our kids might play, but I'm mostly there to spend time with my family, and while I don't mind chatting for a while with others, it would irk me if some guy came over and spent significant amounts of time with us during our vacation.<br><br>
Do the people near you seem to enjoy it, or do they send "Okay, we're done chatting" signals to your DH?
 

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Well, in truth the answers will vary. IRL as well as here. Some people will love your DH. Some will feel intruded upon.<br><br>
I think the problem is that the ones who feel intruded upon will have no really good way of telling him. So, if they are "nice" people, they will feel pretty stuck. If your DH isn't terribly sensitive to the "nice to see you but let's say goodbye" vibes (and it sounds like he isn't), then he may very well be intruding.<br><br>
For me and DH, while we'd love a 5 minute chat with camping neighbors, we'd feel really intruded upon if someone just took it upon themselves to hang out at our camp.<br><br>
Best way to solve I guess would be to have your DH invite folks over to his camp. Then they can decline or duck if they want. If they really do want to hang out, and some people will, then they can!<br><br>
ETA: Your DH can invite as emphatically as he wants. Well, I guess there is a limit! But he can pressure people in a friendly way - even if someone doesn't want to come over and hang out, they can either 1) decline a lot more nicely than they can kick him out or 2) even if they get suckered into hanging out, they can leave ("I gotta go") a lot more easily than they can kick him out.
 

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IDK the campground we go to, I have gone to since I was 2. I know just about everyone of the hundreds of lifer campers. There are a LOT of new people I do not know.<br><br>
We all my the "rounds" and talk to everyone and anyone and it can take hours.<br><br>
I think that if the people didn't care, thats one of the great things about resort/campgrounds, you are there to mingle.<br><br>
If not I am not too sure why anyone would go to a campground and not just camp in the woods somewhere?
 

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My dh is also VERY social and everyone seems to like him, he is always the life of the party and luckily I am very social too and enjoy hanging out w/other people.<br><br>
Fortunately my dh is also very socially aware and would be able to tell if his audience is up for more hanging out/friendship or is the exchange niceties type.<br><br>
Isn't if funny though that sometimes the things that we find the most attractive about our mates are the same ones we find incredibly annoying later in the relationship? (ex, I was instantly attracted to my dh's strong personality, the way he takes a stand, but sometimes I just find him stubborn now that we've been together for a while, still love him though <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy">)
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mama2toomany</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15390285"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">IDK the campground we go to, I have gone to since I was 2. I know just about everyone of the hundreds of lifer campers. There are a LOT of new people I do not know.<br><br>
We all my the "rounds" and talk to everyone and anyone and it can take hours.<br><br>
I think that if the people didn't care, thats one of the great things about resort/campgrounds, you are there to mingle.<br><br><b>If not I am not too sure why anyone would go to a campground and not just camp in the woods somewhere?</b></div>
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Because of the amenities (water, electric, fire pit, tent pad and bathrooms), ability to camp near the car (which is especially important with small kids), access to educational/park service programs, etc. Not everyone comes to a campground to socialize. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="innocent">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>SeekingJoy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15390551"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Because of the amenities (water, electric, fire pit, tent pad and bathrooms), ability to camp near the car (which is especially important with small kids), access to educational/park service programs, etc. Not everyone comes to a campground to socialize. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="innocent"></div>
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I agree. I certainly don't camp to mingle! I mean, if it's planned that way, like a family reunion, but otherwise I'm there to walk around and enjoy nature with my family. Something hard to do here. I camp at campgrounds because most places nearby don't let you just camp in the woods-it has to be in designated campgrounds. And with bears and possible mountain lions, etc., I feel safer with my kids in a campground.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>limabean</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15390187"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">That would annoy me if we were camping near you. I'm friendly to the families near us, and our kids might play, but I'm mostly there to spend time with my family, and while I don't mind chatting for a while with others, it would irk me if some guy came over and spent significant amounts of time with us during our vacation.<br><br>
Do the people near you seem to enjoy it, or do they send "Okay, we're done chatting" signals to your DH?</div>
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And...this. I mean, if it was someone we really hit it off with, we'd hang out or talk for awhile or exchange emails, but hanging out that much with us would make me uncomfortable for strangers. I'm just shy and introverted, though, and dh would probably talk to the stranger for hours because he's not totally extroverted, but would never break off a conversation for fear of feeling rude.
 

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Oh Dear God, I think I just saw my future! SO is a super-social guy, and it didn't occur to me in the context of camping, because we haven't gone together yet... but he'll be like this. And I only say hi if somehow, accidentally I end up face to face with someone... it's not fun, it's work!<br><br>
I think if the people didn't come over and reciprocate at some point, then it wasn't as cordial as he thought it was. Maybe for future camping trips, make a deal where he can go over and visit once, then keep it to "Hi!" and waves, but leave it to the neighbours to decide if another conversation happens.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>HappyMommy2</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15390159"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think it is rude to go over uninvited and would be livid if somebody did that to us.</div>
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This exactly. I am NOT a social person and if I had to endure long, repeated conversations with a stranger I would not be happy.
 

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We just went camping this weekend so this is something I'm thinking about. I think hanging out with strangers is too social. They aren't comfortable enough to tell you they might need alone time and yes, it might be encroaching on their family time.<br><br>
I'd say unless you went camping WITH another family then I'd keep interactions to a minimum. I even knew two families at the place we stayed this weekend and I said hello and we chatted some but we didn't hang out. I go to be with my family and I'm assuming they do as well!<br><br>
Oh and we go to a campground for the amenities too! With three small kids I like being near a bathhouse, having a playground, etc!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>limabean</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15390187"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">That would annoy me if we were camping near you. I'm friendly to the families near us, and our kids might play, but I'm mostly there to spend time with my family, and while I don't mind chatting for a while with others, it would irk me if some guy came over and spent significant amounts of time with us during our vacation.</div>
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This.
 

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It would annoy me because I wouldn't want someone doing that with us. I feel the same as you do on the subject.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>laohaire</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15390197"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Well, in truth the answers will vary. IRL as well as here. Some people will love your DH. Some will feel intruded upon.<br><br>
I think the problem is that the ones who feel intruded upon will have no really good way of telling him. So, if they are "nice" people, they will feel pretty stuck. If your DH isn't terribly sensitive to the "nice to see you but let's say goodbye" vibes (and it sounds like he isn't), then he may very well be intruding.<br><br>
For me and DH, while we'd love a 5 minute chat with camping neighbors, we'd feel really intruded upon if someone just took it upon themselves to hang out at our camp.<br><br>
Best way to solve I guess would be to have your DH invite folks over to his camp. Then they can decline or duck if they want. If they really do want to hang out, and some people will, then they can!<br><br>
ETA: Your DH can invite as emphatically as he wants. Well, I guess there is a limit! But he can pressure people in a friendly way - even if someone doesn't want to come over and hang out, they can either 1) decline a lot more nicely than they can kick him out or 2) even if they get suckered into hanging out, they can leave ("I gotta go") a lot more easily than they can kick him out.</div>
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I like this idea best of all of them. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Did you tell your DH before leaving on the trip that you specifically wanted him to spend time with the family only, no one else? Otherwise I can see how he assumed he was free to do what he usually does while camping just as he would at home.
 

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I think the answer to this question depends on the other campers.<br><br>
My DP is also very social and I love that about him, but he can also be somewhat dense when it comes to picking up on signals. I'm usually pretty keen on catching those vibes from people. There have been plenty of times when I've had to step in and politely thank people for their hospitality and make an exit only to have to explain to DP later that it was obviously time to go.<br><br>
Now, if there is mutually interest in hanging out and the other campers seem to be inviting and enjoying themselves, then I see nothing wrong with it. If the situation was reversed, I'd make a polite but obvious gesture to signal that we were done with company. If it doesn't get across, then I'd just outright say so.
 

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<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>laohaire</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15390197"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Well, in truth the answers will vary. IRL as well as here. Some people will love your DH. Some will feel intruded upon.<br><br>
I think the problem is that the ones who feel intruded upon will have no really good way of telling him. So, if they are "nice" people, they will feel pretty stuck. If your DH isn't terribly sensitive to the "nice to see you but let's say goodbye" vibes (and it sounds like he isn't), then he may very well be intruding.</div>
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I get this, and I know it happens this way, but I also think it shouldn't be that difficult to kick someone out politely. I can think of plenty of ways to do it. "Thanks for stopping by, it's always fun. We're going to get dinner ready now, we'll catch up with you later." Nothing rude about that, and it's pretty hard to not get the hint.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MammaB21</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15391665"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I get this, and I know it happens this way, but I also think it shouldn't be that difficult to kick someone out politely. I can think of plenty of ways to do it. "Thanks for stopping by, it's always fun. We're going to get dinner ready now, we'll catch up with you later." Nothing rude about that, and it's pretty hard to not get the hint.</div>
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I agree it's possible, just difficult.<br><br>
It would not be easy for me to come up with a convincing enough reason to dismiss the person without feeling rude. It's easy if you really had something you wanted to do but if you were just hanging out by the campfire or something, now the burden is on you to 1) come up with an excuse and 2) follow through on it even if you didn't want to.<br><br>
So that's why I find it rude for people to push themselves onto me like that. If the person invites me over, I can decline. But if they start hanging out, now the burden is on me to somehow deal with it, including possibly having to change my plans. What if I didn't have somewhere to go or something to do?
 

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We camp a lot and I agree with the others here that say it's rude. We camped with some family last season and they spent a lot of time at the neighboring site and we were embarrassed that we were with them. We didn't join them at the other site at all and wanted to leave because we were so embarrassed. I think it's extremely rude. Camping is like your home in the woods, even if it's at a popular and busy site. We don't just walk into people's homes, so we wouldn't just walk into someone's site, either. It's fine to be nice and say "hi" or head nod when someone walks by, but that's the extent for us.<br><br>
No one has ever come over to our camp and started a conversation, but that's probably because our body language and lack of eye contact pretty much says, "stay away!" If someone did start hanging out at our site, I would feel bad for them because I would hesitate to say anything rude but DW would actually say, "LEAVE! Who the hell are you?? We don't know you and don't want to hang out. Don't come back!" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> She doesn't care about being rude to someone doing something that she perceives as rude.
 

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OP, are you upset because your husband is intruding on other people, or because he didn't spend time with you and your kids? I get the sense that it's actually the latter, and I think that if that's the case, you should try to communicate THAT to him.<br><br>
And FTR, I don't like having people invite themselves to visit my campsite either.
 

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We love to camp. We often go in a large group with our playgroup families. SO MUCH FUN! We tend to be big enough to ward off other folks. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> We're a social group and once in a while someone will be brave and venture over to say hello. We usually talk for awhile and they move on....just being friendly.<br><br>
When we camp as a family, which hasn't been in awhile, we don't mind casual friendly conversation with camping neighbors. Most people in the places we camp, though, keep pretty strictly to themselves. Out on the trails, though, some folks will chat a bit conversationally.<br><br>
I am the more social one in our immediate family and I get it directly from my dad. He often camps with our playgroup in his own tent and shares the group facilities. He goes visiting other campsites even when he has an entire group campsite full of people to interact with.... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> He is pretty clueless about social cues, but he doesn't linger a long time and doesn't usually hang out with any particular group unless invited. I think he just learned to get to know your neighbors while camping back in his Boy Scout days. Actually, he does this everywhere he goes. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MammaB21</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15391665"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I get this, and I know it happens this way, but I also think it shouldn't be that difficult to kick someone out politely. I can think of plenty of ways to do it. "Thanks for stopping by, it's always fun. We're going to get dinner ready now, we'll catch up with you later." Nothing rude about that, and it's pretty hard to not get the hint.</div>
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I've tried that, same person, two different trips (we "met" on an rv site and camp at the same place at Thanksgiving). First year, couldn't get them to leave. Last year, we had a carpet cleaner rented (we have a camper with carpet, no idea whose brilliant idea carpet was, but I digress), and even when I said we needed to get the carpets done, they stayed and talked. And talked. It was awful.<br><br>
We also try to park the camper to give the most privacy, but that's not always possible. Dh is a lot more social than I am, so it bothers him less.
 
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