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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello everyone. I am not a mother (yet), but I hope to be someday. One of the things I enjoy doing is reading various blogs and articles about parenting. Recently I came upon a story about a 14 year old girl who was cyber bullied for the skimpy outfit she was wearing. This led me to google the subject of young girls wearing skimpy outfits. What I found was a lot of mothers and women in general say that there are no limits to what kinds of clothes their daughters can wear. I'm not 100% sure, but I don't think there is an age limit either. I get that we shouldn't tell young girls that they shouldn't be able to wear whatever they want, just because other people don't like it. However, there's a part of me that is very uncomfortable thinking of my hypothetical future daughter wearing skimpy/suggestive clothing.

That's where you guys come in. You are all mothers or mothers-to-be. Please help me understand what I'm missing. It's not a matter of religion because I'm not very religious. It's not because I was raised under strict rules or anything. I mean, my mom wouldn't have let me or my sisters wear stuff like that at that age, but she wasn't a dictator about it. This is really bothering me because I don't want to be too strict of a parent. I mentioned this on another (non-parenting site) and was called an authoritarian. I just don't get it. Why would not wanting my 14 year old (or younger) daughter to wear skimpy outfits make me a bad mother?

This whole situation has made me assume that rules are no longer acceptable with parenting. Is this true? What else should a child have free reign with? Are curfews no longer a thing? Should I allow my 14 year old to stay out as long as she likes? It's almost like people are telling me that I should treat my child as if they were another adult in the house. This disturbs me. Is that how parenting goes?

P.S. - I can't tell you how to respond, but please try not to be too harsh on me. Even though this is the internet, some of the responses I've gotten have brought me to tears. I am not a bad person and I am only applying this stuff to me and my hypothetical child. I am not trying to tell others what to do. I just need help understanding this rule-free style of parenting that I did not grow up with. Thank you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Wow. That article about the 4 parenting styles has really opened my eyes. Thank you so much for showing me that. I see now that I have been thinking of parenting in the Authoritarian way. But honestly, it's not because I'm some sort of control freak, but instead it's because I often see children as needing to be protected at all times. But now I see that's not always the case. Another thing that I realized (before reading the article actually) is that the whole style of dress thing was me worrying about what other parents would say about me and how I would be judged. I realize now how self-centered I was thinking. However I would still feel guilty if something bad happened to my daughter because of the way she was dressed. Sure, the blame is on the oppressor and not the victim, but is her having freedom to wear skimpy clothes really worth possible trauma or STDs or worse? Or does that come with the territory of having a daughter?
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks Kate, I completely understand what you're saying and I appreciate it. However, I think I still have prejudice against certain types of clothing. After talking to my mom earlier, she pretty much said the same thing that everyone else has been saying in regards to kids growing up and making their own choices. For some reason over the years I've developed some sort of sanctimonious attitude towards things. I've also forgotten what it's like to be 14 and some of the things I did back then. *sigh* I'm starting to rethink having children. I feel like I'm ready for everything except for that growing up part. That part seems super scary now.
 
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