I'm curious what me and 8.5 month DD have to look forward to. I feel like our BF relationship is always evolving. She's always shifting her preferences as far as when, where, and what position to nurse in. I'm a little nervous about some of the posts I read talking about the difficulties and struggles of nursing a very demanding toddler. Although DD nurses very often during the day, I've only rarely felt, "oh, darn, I have to nurse AGAIN?" and I've been lucky - DD only wakes once or twice per night to nurse now that the early glory days of sleeping through are over. But am I destined to start feeling oppressed by nursing? I am curious about other people's experiences. Did you find that in your second year nursing became more of a challenge, or did you evolve a comfortable rhythm with your DC? Did nursing frequency decrease (and if so, did it decrease naturally?) Oh, and do you think nursing helped deal with toddler behavioral issues?
Is the second year harder than the first?
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Interesting questions! I remember when my youngest was a baby (he was my first baby who I nursed for a long time), I was very curious about what it would be like to nurse a toddler.
I definitely was easier for us after the first year. That was partly because my breasts are *very* enthusiastic about milk production and they tried to drown my baby. So, for a long time, we had to nurse lying down. DS refused to nurse more than 2 minutes if I was sitting up; he just couldn't keep up with the milk. Also, lying down, he could just let the excess milk run down the "down" side of his face. Messy, but it worked!
Anyway, by about 10-12 months, he could keep up with the milk and we got to nurse everywhere, so that was great. Also, I felt comfortable having him wait a few minutes while I finished dinner or whatever. So for me, the pressure of having to nurse instantly, everytime he needed to, was gone. He did nurse a great deal from 12-18 months, but I guess I just felt OK with that most of the time. The overnight business really got to me, but at 18 months he was nursing almost all night long, and he'd always nursed a lot at night. A baby who nurses as little as yours at night might not turn around and do what my DS did.
Nursing didn't really decrease during the day (we night weaned at 20 months, when I was afraid that I would kill one of us if we didn't get some rest) until after his second birthday. At that time, it decreased pretty rapidly for a few months, then settled into a predictable schedule (before going to sleep and when waking up, with one quick nursing in the late afternoon) that I would have gladly gone on with for another year or longer. But a few months before his 3rd birthday, he started missing nursings all the time, and before I knew it, he was missing whole days. It made me so sad, but happy, too, that weaning was so natural and easy for him.
HTH! Of course all babies are different, but I think the pattern of increased nursing in the early part of the second year is pretty common, so you might want to be mentally prepared for that. They change SO much during that time, they need the extra comfort that mom's comfy lap and warm milk provides.
OK, I though I was done, but I have to add: nursing a toddler is so much FUN! Enjoy it. It really is cozy and crazy and a thoroughly wonderful experience.
I definitely was easier for us after the first year. That was partly because my breasts are *very* enthusiastic about milk production and they tried to drown my baby. So, for a long time, we had to nurse lying down. DS refused to nurse more than 2 minutes if I was sitting up; he just couldn't keep up with the milk. Also, lying down, he could just let the excess milk run down the "down" side of his face. Messy, but it worked!
Anyway, by about 10-12 months, he could keep up with the milk and we got to nurse everywhere, so that was great. Also, I felt comfortable having him wait a few minutes while I finished dinner or whatever. So for me, the pressure of having to nurse instantly, everytime he needed to, was gone. He did nurse a great deal from 12-18 months, but I guess I just felt OK with that most of the time. The overnight business really got to me, but at 18 months he was nursing almost all night long, and he'd always nursed a lot at night. A baby who nurses as little as yours at night might not turn around and do what my DS did.
Nursing didn't really decrease during the day (we night weaned at 20 months, when I was afraid that I would kill one of us if we didn't get some rest) until after his second birthday. At that time, it decreased pretty rapidly for a few months, then settled into a predictable schedule (before going to sleep and when waking up, with one quick nursing in the late afternoon) that I would have gladly gone on with for another year or longer. But a few months before his 3rd birthday, he started missing nursings all the time, and before I knew it, he was missing whole days. It made me so sad, but happy, too, that weaning was so natural and easy for him.
HTH! Of course all babies are different, but I think the pattern of increased nursing in the early part of the second year is pretty common, so you might want to be mentally prepared for that. They change SO much during that time, they need the extra comfort that mom's comfy lap and warm milk provides.
OK, I though I was done, but I have to add: nursing a toddler is so much FUN! Enjoy it. It really is cozy and crazy and a thoroughly wonderful experience.
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The challenges of the 2nd year were just so different from the first, that I think I was unprepared for them. It took a lot of trial and error to find the place that nursing would take for both of us in the 2nd year. It became much, much more than a food delivery system! I had to learn to balance offering the breat with other mothering skills, and learn when my DD needed something different from me.
My DD definately did NOT nurse less during the 2nd year, and that was a surprise. We saw that even our peers who were doing natural weaning seemed to be nursing less, or even weaning, in the 2nd year, but not my DD. Bfing at times became a little lonely, so I religiously attended LLL meetings and found other mamas on line. I still had lots of support for what I was doing in the rest of my life, just not anyone else who was going through it at the same time. Perahps that's why you see so many posts here with mamas expressing frustration or dealing with challenges. It may not be the overall mean average experience of nursing a toddler.
Bfing DEFINATELY has helped ease behavioural issues, life transitions, illnesses, etc. If nothing else, it let my DD know that this anchor was still there for her, because sometimes growing up is no fun. I think that it was reassuring that I was still available to DD on that level. She could venture further out into the world, and work through things, knowing that she still had that.
DH was perhaps most supportive of bfing when he saw how she would still nurse through illnesses that she picked up at daycare in the 2nd year, when nothing else would stay down or comfort her.
If you have questions about what its like to nurse past infancy, check out the book "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler". I returned to it time and time again!
And some of my most treasured bfing moments are from nursing a walking talking toddler. Being told it "tastes like chicken", for example. Or nursing Elmo, Raggedy Ann, a dinosaur, or a plastic singing dolphin in the tub whose mouth had a perfect latch! Bfing a toddler is a hoot!
My DD definately did NOT nurse less during the 2nd year, and that was a surprise. We saw that even our peers who were doing natural weaning seemed to be nursing less, or even weaning, in the 2nd year, but not my DD. Bfing at times became a little lonely, so I religiously attended LLL meetings and found other mamas on line. I still had lots of support for what I was doing in the rest of my life, just not anyone else who was going through it at the same time. Perahps that's why you see so many posts here with mamas expressing frustration or dealing with challenges. It may not be the overall mean average experience of nursing a toddler.
Bfing DEFINATELY has helped ease behavioural issues, life transitions, illnesses, etc. If nothing else, it let my DD know that this anchor was still there for her, because sometimes growing up is no fun. I think that it was reassuring that I was still available to DD on that level. She could venture further out into the world, and work through things, knowing that she still had that.
DH was perhaps most supportive of bfing when he saw how she would still nurse through illnesses that she picked up at daycare in the 2nd year, when nothing else would stay down or comfort her.
If you have questions about what its like to nurse past infancy, check out the book "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler". I returned to it time and time again!
And some of my most treasured bfing moments are from nursing a walking talking toddler. Being told it "tastes like chicken", for example. Or nursing Elmo, Raggedy Ann, a dinosaur, or a plastic singing dolphin in the tub whose mouth had a perfect latch! Bfing a toddler is a hoot!
DS will be 18 mos this month, and so far for us, I've really enjoyed the second year more. I love that he can ask to nurse, that I can tell he really loves it and loves our special bonding time, and that he can be (relatively) patient while we get ready to nurse, or switch sides, or whatever. Also, DS cut back on his daytime nursing almost completely (only nurses at naptime since about 15 mos) although he still nurses a lot at night. Because he nurses less often, I find I enjoy it much more... although the toddler acrobatics can be pretty spectacular (DH is always amazed that DS can somehow manage to crawl all over me, practically flipping upside down, and still keep on nursing... mostly without hurting me (though my nipples are as tough as leather now,
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)). Other than hoping that he'll cut down on some of the night nursing (which is getting a bit wearing after all this time!), I love the second year so far!
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ETA: I forgot about the behavioral issues question. DS has never nursed for comfort, and I don't use nursing to distract him when we're having problems, so I don't think that for us it has made a big impact. But DS is a pretty laid back guy, so we don't really have a lot of "issues" (so far!).
ETA: I forgot about the behavioral issues question. DS has never nursed for comfort, and I don't use nursing to distract him when we're having problems, so I don't think that for us it has made a big impact. But DS is a pretty laid back guy, so we don't really have a lot of "issues" (so far!).
DD has just finished her second year of nursing (and started her third!) this week, so here's my input.
Overall, the second year was MUCH easier than the first. Those first 6 weeks were the worst.
She still nursed all the time. She started to ask. She started to ask nicely (and cutely!
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) She SHOWS how much she appreciates it. It is clear that nursing comforts her and makes her happy. Remember when babe was first mobile and would take a header or get a bump and nursing fixed it? It's often the same kind of magic for tantrums
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Not always, but often.
Nursing manners- important. The second year babies want to take the boob with them. They want to claim mama as all theirs. Little hands: petting, poking, pinching, kneading. Teach them what is okay and what isn't. You'll be glad you did.
Hang on for a wild fun ride!
-Angela
Overall, the second year was MUCH easier than the first. Those first 6 weeks were the worst.
She still nursed all the time. She started to ask. She started to ask nicely (and cutely!
Nursing manners- important. The second year babies want to take the boob with them. They want to claim mama as all theirs. Little hands: petting, poking, pinching, kneading. Teach them what is okay and what isn't. You'll be glad you did.
Hang on for a wild fun ride!
-Angela
I really enjoy nursing my ds (13 months) - its just more fun somehow. Like he'll sit by my side on the couch and just kinda pull my boob over to nurse. And this morning, he unlatched, pushed himself up on me and gave me a big kiss, and then resumed nursing - how awesome is that???
The nursing gymnastics can be interesting. Sometimes my nipple is streched out a little too far
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...but all in all I think its great!
The nursing gymnastics can be interesting. Sometimes my nipple is streched out a little too far
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Once nursing manners are taken care of, I think the second year is a lot of fun. The interaction is amusing, and there aren't as many demands.
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Things I like about nursing during the second year:
She nurses fewer times per day (3-4 times now)
She doesn't need to nurse at night
She shows she appreciates it
It's about the only time she stays in one place long enough for me to cuddle her
Things I don't like so much:
Her top leg constantly waves around
She still takes 20-30 minutes per nursing session
Whenever I am carrying her she thrusts her hand down my shirt and fondles the goods
She is very insistent and demanding when she wants to nurse
She refuses to ask politely, even though I've modeled it for her. She made up her own word for it, "Wok" and she sort of yells that as a means of letting me know she wants to nurse. "WOK!" I usually say to her quietly, Say 'may I have some mama milk please?' to which she immediately answers
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"Yeah."
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She nurses fewer times per day (3-4 times now)
She doesn't need to nurse at night
She shows she appreciates it
It's about the only time she stays in one place long enough for me to cuddle her
Things I don't like so much:
Her top leg constantly waves around
She still takes 20-30 minutes per nursing session
Whenever I am carrying her she thrusts her hand down my shirt and fondles the goods
She is very insistent and demanding when she wants to nurse
She refuses to ask politely, even though I've modeled it for her. She made up her own word for it, "Wok" and she sort of yells that as a means of letting me know she wants to nurse. "WOK!" I usually say to her quietly, Say 'may I have some mama milk please?' to which she immediately answers
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Quote:
NO, of course you're not 'destined'! You can choose your attitude about whatever situations arise!
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The second year for DD and me was harder for me (ESPECIALLY while I was still working in that second year of BFing!). I also did something that many mothers do (especially first time around), which I hope i have learned from for this baby in my belly... I didn't take ANY time for myself EVER. That was problematic because the constant demands/wants/needs/etc of DD and DH just wore me down and I had NO way of building back up my reserve 'tanks'.
We did have a comfortable rhythm, but because I was so worn down, some days I just couldn't deal with any part of it. I DID make it through, but felt as though I couldn't and that perspective and perception made things much harder than they could and even should have been.
Yes, nursing did decrease both naturally and unnaturally. DD descreased nursing most days of her own accord... she just didn't need as much after he interest in table food took hold (well after her 1 year birthday). After she was 19 or 20 months I started to distract and redirect her away from nursing when I could tell she was doing it out of boredom and just as a "somethingtodo" sort of activity. (and that was the unnatural decrease) It got to be rather frustrating and annoying that she would turn to booby time when she couldn't think of anything else to do... but I'm certain that was a perspective and feeling brought on by feeling soo worn down.
I think that nursing as a part of being connected to my DD and trying to remain as much within the outline of Attachment Parenting as I was able to helped deal with the toddler issues we faced. We still face them, of course, even though DD is not nursing any longer (she had to stop a few weeks after her second birthday because I went dry with this pregnancy), but comparing my experience with my DD and other mama's experience with their "terrible two year olds", I definitely have an easier time of it. While I do attribute that partially to my child's temperament and partially to my 'strictness' and communication of expectations, I must also attribute it at least partially to extended BFing and the close understanding that created between us two.
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Originally Posted by BrklynMama But am I destined to start feeling oppressed by nursing? I am curious about other people's experiences. Did you find that in your second year nursing became more of a challenge, or did you evolve a comfortable rhythm with your DC? Did nursing frequency decrease (and if so, did it decrease naturally?) Oh, and do you think nursing helped deal with toddler behavioral issues? |
The second year for DD and me was harder for me (ESPECIALLY while I was still working in that second year of BFing!). I also did something that many mothers do (especially first time around), which I hope i have learned from for this baby in my belly... I didn't take ANY time for myself EVER. That was problematic because the constant demands/wants/needs/etc of DD and DH just wore me down and I had NO way of building back up my reserve 'tanks'.
We did have a comfortable rhythm, but because I was so worn down, some days I just couldn't deal with any part of it. I DID make it through, but felt as though I couldn't and that perspective and perception made things much harder than they could and even should have been.
Yes, nursing did decrease both naturally and unnaturally. DD descreased nursing most days of her own accord... she just didn't need as much after he interest in table food took hold (well after her 1 year birthday). After she was 19 or 20 months I started to distract and redirect her away from nursing when I could tell she was doing it out of boredom and just as a "somethingtodo" sort of activity. (and that was the unnatural decrease) It got to be rather frustrating and annoying that she would turn to booby time when she couldn't think of anything else to do... but I'm certain that was a perspective and feeling brought on by feeling soo worn down.
I think that nursing as a part of being connected to my DD and trying to remain as much within the outline of Attachment Parenting as I was able to helped deal with the toddler issues we faced. We still face them, of course, even though DD is not nursing any longer (she had to stop a few weeks after her second birthday because I went dry with this pregnancy), but comparing my experience with my DD and other mama's experience with their "terrible two year olds", I definitely have an easier time of it. While I do attribute that partially to my child's temperament and partially to my 'strictness' and communication of expectations, I must also attribute it at least partially to extended BFing and the close understanding that created between us two.
Just thought I would add my experience. I have a 20 month old. I think the second year is different. It has different challenges and rewards. I feel more maternal breastfeeding now than I did earlier.
I have a nipple twiddler. I really wish I had nipped that in the bud. I have had scratches on my nipples from his rough behavior. He takes so much comfort in playing with my nipples that the behavior is here to stay. Usually he is pretty gentle though. His nursing decreased around 12 months then picked up again some. He also went through a period of not wanting to NIP.
My baby still nurses quite frequently through the night. I'm not sure how many times but it's more than a couple. He also breastfeeds before and after sleep. Sometimes he needs an early evening dose of BM if he's having a rough time. There are still some days when he breastfeeds a lot. I can't handle long nursing sessions like I used to. When he's sick and nursing nonstop it's really hard on me.
I've enjoyed the second year more than the first. The lows are lower but the highs are higher.
I have a nipple twiddler. I really wish I had nipped that in the bud. I have had scratches on my nipples from his rough behavior. He takes so much comfort in playing with my nipples that the behavior is here to stay. Usually he is pretty gentle though. His nursing decreased around 12 months then picked up again some. He also went through a period of not wanting to NIP.
My baby still nurses quite frequently through the night. I'm not sure how many times but it's more than a couple. He also breastfeeds before and after sleep. Sometimes he needs an early evening dose of BM if he's having a rough time. There are still some days when he breastfeeds a lot. I can't handle long nursing sessions like I used to. When he's sick and nursing nonstop it's really hard on me.
I've enjoyed the second year more than the first. The lows are lower but the highs are higher.
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