[Houdini]

Just wondering if there is a difference b/t dropping your 12/13 year old off at the mall for an hour to walk around the mall and letting your 12/13 year old walk around alone while you shop?

My just turned 12 year old mentioned to us that we never just drop him off at the mall to go to EB games (video game store) or arcade. I told him there was no need for him to just be dropped off at this point. It dawned on me today though, we let him go to EB games while we shop. I am not so sure it is any different.

I hear all these things (not on here necessarily) about how it's not a great idea to let your preteens/teens just go to the mall to hang out, but I am not sure so it is any different than the parents being in the mall and the kids being somewhere else.

I could be overthinking the whole thing though.

 

[menudo]

If you know your kid is not a trouble maker or a thief, I see no issue in dropping him/her off for a bit by age 12!

 

[Emma's_Mommy]

i use to work at AE and the parents who dropped their kids off at the mall for hours were the ones who had children who would get into trouble, be loud, disrespectful....and just were not mature enough to be left unsupervised for hours on end.

at least if you let your kids go to "their stores" while you go to yours, your children know that you could always be a clothing rack away and would remain on their best behavior.

i use to HATE it when we would have a problem with a child and 4 hrs later a parent would come in and yell at us for telling their kid to not do whatever they were doing that was inappropiate.......

 

[nextcommercial]

As long as she has at least one friend with her, I drop her off. But, I don't like making the drive all the way over just to come home, and go back again. So, I generally will stay at least on that side of town.

 

[ThreeBeans]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emma's_Mommy i use to work at AE and the parents who dropped their kids off at the mall for hours were the ones who had children who would get into trouble, be loud, disrespectful....and just were not mature enough to be left unsupervised for hours on end. at least if you let your kids go to "their stores" while you go to yours, your children know that you could always be a clothing rack away and would remain on their best behavior. i use to HATE it when we would have a problem with a child and 4 hrs later a parent would come in and yell at us for telling their kid to not do whatever they were doing that was inappropiate.......

I agree with this. Roving mobs of 12 year olds are awful in a mall. The mall should not be a source of entertainment.

 

[UnschoolnMa]

My kids have never wanted to be alone at the mall because it isn't fun, but they've been dropped off with friends or gone together, etc. We just agree on what's happening, where they'lll be, if they are going to check in, times, and etc. It's never been a problem for us. They also just go walk around on their own when we are there together and we agree on when/where to meet up.

 

[CarrieMF]

IMO it depends on how big the mall is. Here I wouldnt' have any problems letting a kid that age be dropped off at the mall, it's not very big. In the city where the malls are 2-3 floors & 1 floor is 2-3 times the size of the one here I don't know. I don't plan on living in the city though either so if we went to that type of mall they could walk around by themselves/with friends.

 

[Ruthla]

I think a lot depends on the maturity of the individual child, how mature the child acts when with the particular friend they're at the mall with that day, and how long the children are unsupervised at the mall.

Being dropped off at the mall for an hour is not significantly different than mom and teen going their own separate ways at the mall for an hour. Dropping the teen off at the mall for 4 hours is a whole different scenario- more of a chance for the teen to get bored and do stupid things for entertainment.

 

[UnschoolnMa]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThreeBeans I agree with this. Roving mobs of 12 year olds are awful in a mall. The mall should not be a source of entertainment.

I totally disagree with that...respectfully of course.

I might say that roving mobs of disrespectful, aggressive, and/or rude 12 year olds in the mall are awful, but the same could be said about a person of any age with those unpleasant traits.

The mall was a huge source of entertainment when I was younger. We weren't even buying tons of stuff. It was just a fun place to gather in the food court, arcade, music store, etc.

 

[UUMom]

Quote:

Originally Posted by UnschoolnMa I totally disagree with that...respectfully of course. I might say that roving mobs of disrespectful, aggressive, and/or rude 12 year olds in the mall are awful, but the same could be said about a person of any age with those unpleasant traits. The mall was a huge source of entertainment when I was younger. We weren't even buying tons of stuff. It was just a fun place to gather in the food court, arcade, music store, etc.

I agree that the American Mall is the only form of a Piazza we've got.

That said, none of my kids hang at the mall. (Of course, I've tried to create teen DizzyWorld here since the mall is so totally unwelcoming. Fooseball, movies, fire pits, potato chips...so far, so good). The mall security here isn't so nice to teens-- I guess some few teens have been trouble, sadly-- so kids can't stop for more than a quick bite to eat in the food courts, and they have to keep walking when in the mall. At my place they can chat, eat *and* sit. lol Imagine that! I hate that Americans hate teens. I read that attitude all the time on MDC as well. It's as if young mothers think their children will never grow up.

Once, my oldest teen (rght before he got his license) had to use the pay phone (forgot his cell) to call me, and a couple of his friends who also needed rides from me, were told by security to disperse! The 3 kids with him could not stand near him while my ds dialed! So, he talked to me, and they had to walk. My kids learned then they aren't wanted. And since he doesn't shop, they all come to our place. His sibs are following suit, thankfully.

But I can understand why kids do hang at the mall. It's a nice central place, with movies and food etc.

 

[Houdini]

Thanks for all the responses.

I just wondered b/c I have heard friends say they wouldn't let their kids go to the mall to 'hang out,' but they let them go about on their own for an hour or two while they shop....it just seemed the same to me.

We have not let our oldest to the mall hang out thing, but I suppose it is another thing that will be addressed as he gets older.

 

[frontierpsych]

Quote:

Originally Posted by UnschoolnMa I totally disagree with that...respectfully of course. I might say that roving mobs of disrespectful, aggressive, and/or rude 12 year olds in the mall are awful, but the same could be said about a person of any age with those unpleasant traits. The mall was a huge source of entertainment when I was younger. We weren't even buying tons of stuff. It was just a fun place to gather in the food court, arcade, music store, etc.

I was a mallrat too

 

[choli]

Quote:

Originally Posted by UUMom I hate that Americans hate teens. I read that attitude all the time on MDC as well. It's as if young mothers think their children will never grow up.

Yes, I notice it too, particularly now that my DD1 is a teen. "OMG, teens in the park, call the police!!!!" "Teens in the mall, disgusting!!!!"

There seems to be an attitude that teens in general are threatening, violent and should be segregated from the general population for the safety of that population. I guess kids go from perfect angels at 12 to 8 years of being public enemy, then miraculously at 20 they are once more safe to rejoin society

 

[menudo]

I am 31yo and clearly remember the harrasing "rent a cops" or mall guards at the mall!

They became known to be such jerks it soon became a sport by some to drive them nuts. Get kicked out via Sears, come in via Macy's. And kids were not being kicked out for acting up, but for standing still and chatting. Of course, you'd have your real troublemakers, but they welcomed trouble and so on. Again, I grew up in Jersey, where it was all about the mall. We'd travel to go to the COOLER malls! Less teens hang at the mall now than back in the day. My cousins do meet girls from myspace tho...

That phase is just about done now.

Only time I was around REAL jerks in the mall was when I was out of HS, 18yo with a new crew from college. We were in the Gallery (Philly) and a then celebrity came by and these idiots tried to start a fight with him. I left. Not the kind of people I wanted to hang with, but the kind who make young people look bad. But that coulda happened anywhere...

 

[mommy68]

I won't do it. My mother allowed me to start loitering at the mall at age 13 and I will never let a child of mine do it. It was very dangerous. Anything could have happened to me. I had a friend that was at the mall alone at age 16 and a guy followed her in from her car, knew she was alone, put a gun in her side and made her leave the mall with him in her car. You can pretty much guess what he did from there.

This was in the late 80's. Its much worse nowadays.

My kids will have better things to do with their time and they can have their friends over to our house anytime they want. IMO, a kid that asks to go somewhere to hang out without any parental guidance is wanting to be alone for some reason and is most likely up to no good. I know I was.

 

[HeidiAnn67]

Our local Mall won't even allow anyone under 16 in the mall alone, so I obviously wouldn't even have that option. I think if your child knows your in the Mall they tend to behave better then if you're not.

 

[Houdini]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mommy68 IMO, a kid that asks to go somewhere to hang out without any parental guidance is wanting to be alone for some reason and is most likely up to no good.

What about the kids who just want to start branching off and being indepedent from their parents? My son enjoys going to exhibits at the science center without us...not to cause an issue, just to show he can do it alone. He also goes into other stores he is interested in if we are at the mall. Again, to look around and show he can be on his own and not cause an issue.

I do see the point of the child being more cautious if the parents are in the mall.

 

[UnschoolnMa]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mommy68 I won't do it. My mother allowed me to start loitering at the mall at age 13 and I will never let a child of mine do it. It was very dangerous. Anything could have happened to me. I had a friend that was at the mall alone at age 16 and a guy followed her in from her car, knew she was alone, put a gun in her side and made her leave the mall with him in her car. You can pretty much guess what he did from there.......... IMO, a kid that asks to go somewhere to hang out without any parental guidance is wanting to be alone for some reason and is most likely up to no good. I know I was.

I find this attitude about teenagers to be a persistant problem honestly. Teenagers are not all "up to no good" and they aren't all looking for any and every opportunity to be obnoxious. I have teens who spend the majority of their time at home and with family, happily. We don't see anything wrong with that. Even they enjoy going places on their own and having a bit of personal time at the library, movie theatre, mall, etc. We discuss safety, and who/what/when/where stuffs and we make sure they have a cell phone or money to call us from a pay phone if need be. (Those are getting harder and harder to find unfortunately.)

A 16 year old is often driving, maybe working part time, can stay home alone, or going on a date occasionally. (Not that I want to drag dating into this...lol) Spending a couple hours browsing, visiting, and eating at the mall with a friend doesn't seem like the biggest threat to me. I'd rather focus on making sure that my kids and I have common goals and priorities, find out how they can have fun and still be safe, and that we keep in communication with each other. If I have concerns about something or somewhere they are wanting to go I'd start talking with them about it, and we'd hopefully get to some sort of common ground.

I am very sorry that your friend was assaulted back in the day. That's terrible, truly, and I hate that it happens still. The sad reality is that anything can happen to anyone, and though I want my kids to be safe, I don't want them to be too terrified to live or locked up as prisoners in their own home. My almost 16 year old son is 6 inches taller than I am, about 45 pounds heavier than I am, and much stronger/more muscular than I am. I am his mother so I am always going to worry about him no matter where he is or how old he gets to be, but the truth is that should he face some aggressive person he is better equipped to deal than I am. Should I not be allowed out at the mall alone either? How about a trip to friend's house down the street on foot? The grocery store?

 

[MarineWife]

I agree with Unschoolma and others who have posted about the bad attitude American society has about teenagers. To the comment about loud, disrespectful groups that get into trouble, I'd like a better definition of this behavior. Teenagers can be loud and obnoxious and sometimes even disrespectful (although I think most don't mean to be). That doesn't mean they are bad kids or that they are purposely causing or getting into trouble. They are just being teenagers, testing the waters, trying to act grown up when they don't quite know what that means, listening to their rock music too loud (anyone remember those days?

). I might be hesitant to drop a 12 or 13yo off alone at the mall for safety reasons but I have no problem with s/he going to the mall with friends to hang out. My oldest, who is 16 now, has and does go to the mall with friends but has never asked to go by himself. If you know your kid and you know your kid's friends, you will know if it's safe or not.

I like the comment about the almost 16yo son who is much bigger and stronger than mom. My son is the same way, at least a foot taller than me, definitely stronger. We weigh about the same right now but I just had a baby.

Once when he was driving and I was in the car he accidentally backed into someone, barely bumping his bumper. As I started to get out I heard someone from the other car yelling and cussing. I told my son to stay in the car because I was afraid of what might happen and I didn't want him to get hurt. He didn't listen to me and got out of the car ready to defend me if needed. I was 7 or 8 months pregnant at the time. He was definitely in a much better position to physically defend us both.

 

[ThreeBeans]

I was a teenager not too long ago, so I'm not entirely distanced from the situation, and my opinion still stands

12 year olds are not known for being overly aware of their surroundings, and the trait seems to magnify when they're in herds

If I'm in a mall on an errand, nothing I hate worse than to have to stand waiting because a group of teens has taken over the aisle to talk/joke/fool around/harass other customers. Even worse, when they walk down the aisles 4 or 5 abreast, completely unaware of people coming towards them or from behind, essentially pushing people into walls as they come through.

My local mall actually has times of the week (during school hours and after 6PM), where no one under 18 can be present in the mall without a parent or guardian with him. This rule was put into place when the stores in the mall started LOSING money because people were avoiding it due to the teen problem.

I don't hate teenagers. I was one

. But I don't think the mall is a place to 'hang out'. It's a place of business, not a daycare.