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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
gee, i really don't want your kids playing with my kids or touching our stuff or playing outside unsupervised . . .<br><br>
probably not is what I am thinking.<br><br>
we have neighbor issues. It is a fairly transient neighborhood. and the stationary kids are pretty flexible and welcoming. right now that includes my three girls and the little boy in the second house down (J). recently a family with two small children moved in. K is 7 and in first grade and O is 3. unfortunately they are living in our rental and I am responsible for this mess to a degree <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"> . which further complicates things.<br><br>
Ok so starting of they seemed like nice enough kids. then my neighbor (Js mom )asked me what I thought about them. I said "why what did they do" K had threatened her son (seriously the sweetest, most gentle, naive, sweetest little boy ever. he is almost 7). He said he would follow him home, punch him in the face and break his glasses. I think he told him this twice. This is scary stuff to me! Maybe I have lived a sheltered mommy life but this sort of talk just does not happen among my very sweet children and their very sweet friends (we homeschool and at 7 everything is still highly supervised and playmates chosen with much input from mom). So that same week these kids were playing over at Js house and the little girl declared one of j's toys hers and she says "no it is mine now and you can't make me give it back" and proceeds to cuss out Js dad. Said it was the worst language he has ever heard.<br><br>
So as a general rule my kids are not allowed to play with them, they are not allowed in our house.<br><br>
then the other day i walk out and my kids are playing with them. and we have to go. So i lock up all their toys but K is laying with their jump rope. whatever. I am not going to be a snot about a $.99 jump rope. unfortunately when we get home said jump rope is tied around the chimney or our ceramic fire thing which his laying in the grass broken. (its our back yard. In 6 years we have never had a problem with kids in our back yard), then he was playing rough with their new toy so I told him to put it down and get off our porch, then he was swinging a stick so i took it away from him. I wasn't in the mood to hang around outside but J was over playing and I didn't want to send him home. So apparently my dd told him I didn't want them playing with them (she is not great socially and doesn't know when not to say things) , then he went traipsing through my garden (hello there is a fence there for a reason) so I told him to get out. he had come to the back yard to play baseball. It is not really a play area (perhaps why we have never had a problem.). there is a small fenced in area (24" landscaping type fence - purely decorative) with a sandbox which they are not allowed to play in (we have had tons of issues with the sand box and our neighbors which is why we moved it t out minuscule back yard) and other wise it is landscaping/garden and clothes line. there is literally no where to play. especially with bats and baseballs! I should point out there are three playgrounds within a 6 block radius. there are plenty of places to play freaking baseball. A neighborhood with stacked houses and no yards is not one of them.<br><br>
and then I finally got tired of him messing with our stuff so i sent J home and told the girls to come inside. then I reminded my children i didn't want them playing with those kids and right in the middle I saw a flash of green in our window so i peek outside HE IS STANDING BY OUR DOOR LISTENING IN. With his ear all pressed up against our screen door. I told him again to get off our porch and that he was not allowed up there. I feel like such a meanie. but at the same time I don't want my kids exposed to their potty mouth or misbehavior (the other day while playing with other friends they were talking about smoking dope and they were playing with matches. FIRST GRADERS!) Also with that whole threatening J. Thats just unacceptable. J obviously doesn't want to hang out with him and I am not going to let J feel unwelcome and unsafe in our yard. He has been our friend since him and Lily were a year old.<br><br>
there three year old is the biggest bully ever. She has done that my toy not yours things to Ava twice yesterday. poor Ava standing there with her lip quivering "but that is my ball" and what can I do besides tell her "I am sorry. I know this is your house and your yard and they are not supposed to be playing back here but if we leave our toys out kids will steel them. there mommy doesn't make them give them back".<br><br>
the landscaping in front of their house is trashed.<br><br>
is it rude to just be up front and say "I don't like your kids. they don't play nice. they may not play with my children." maybe I should ask - how rude is it. is there a way to cushion it at all. we have to live by them at least until Nov.
 

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I don't have any advice but it does sound like a tough situation to be in.
 

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I understand your feelings. Have you tried saying 'we don't play like that at our house, we play like this , if you want to play at our house you need to follow these rules or you need to go home" Same thing for the language and inappropriate talk. If they still can't play in a way that is acceptable then I would talk with the parents and simply say I need to tell you that I have told your children our house rules several times and they are unable to follow them so unfortunatly they won't be able to play at our home anymore.<br><br>
This would probably go over a little smoother<br><br>
Good luck
 

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I would try to talk to the parents. Tell them that their children have been playing at your house and with your children, but they have not been good about sharing. Tell them you need some of the items their children have taken returned to you. Then she'll at least know that they're not being given things, which might be what she thinks right now.<br><br>
Honestly, I wouldn't tell your daughter that if she leaves her toys out then it's okay for anyone to steal them. Adults don't get to steal cars, grills, chairs, or anything else you might leave outside, and kids don't get to steal balls, bikes, or toys. I would tell the child "That is Ava's ball. Taking it is stealing, and stealing is wrong. Return it to her please." If he doesn't, go tell his parents. They might injure themselves playing with your property and try to sue, so I'd worry about that too.<br><br>
Will the parents really not do anything if they know what's going on? At that level, someone higher up needs to get involved, I guess. Maybe the police? Surely there's a way to legally prevent unwanted children or adults from trespassing on your property?
 

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These are the children of your tenants, correct?<br><br>
Are they on a month-to-month, or a lease? If they are month to month, I would give them their 30 days notice and be done with it.
 

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I have kids like this where I live too. I pretty much just tell them to go away from my house and fortunately they usually leave. This summer, I got a patio cabinent to lock all of our summer toys up in because everything was stolen from us last year. I would go talk with the parents and see if you can get some insight from that.
 

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I think the gracious next step is to speak with the parents. I would focus 100% on property issues. Their children should not be on your property without an express invitation, period. I would not go into issues of behavior or language -- keep it very objective and very simple. Their children MUST stay off and away from other people's property, unless they are invited. Period.<br><br>
This conversation might go badly, or it might be innefectual. But it needs to happen before you take further steps. It it helps the situation, then great! Hurray! But if it doesn't help, then at least you have tried -- and you can feel free to take more drastic measures with a clean conscience.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I can't just send them away as we share common property (we live in a duplex) .<br><br>
The mom is just as bad as the kids - trampleing the landscaping, littering, leaving piles of crap everywhere, "borrowing" my stuff . . . she refuses to do anything not specifically spelled out in the lease. she won't even pay late fees since we have no legal proof rent was late.<br><br>
I would have just taken the ball away but then she would have sworn at my baby. I really didn't want to expose Ava to that. Besides the mother could have claimed the ball was theirs (and likely would have) and what proof would I have that it wasn't. It never occurred to me to put our name on it.<br><br>
these are not the first people with children who have lived next door. The last two were destructive and annoying but still extremely lovable. and if I were to go to their parents and said "hey your kids . . . " they would have been more than gracious and repaired any damages etc (although they usually came to us before we even noticed.). I understand kids pick flowers and break windows and empty sand from sand boxes but I expect parents to suck it up and take care of it. clean up the mess and pay for damages. And I know a lot of kids in this neighborhood are not being raised under the best circumstances and I am willing to put up with a lot so long as they are willing to follow our house rules.<br><br>
these kids are just mean though and say really horrible things even when they are being nice (talking about sex, drugs and swearing, talking about people they hate and want to hurt) . I just don't like them. and I feel bad and I feel like the bad guy but threatening violence. . . thats just over the top of what I am willing to deal with. also these are the first kids who just flat out refuse to follow the rules. other kids when I say things like "we don't talk like that at our house" or "you need to go home now so we can eat" or "why don't you come back when you can play more nicely" respond pretty well. but these kids just growl at me, swear at me and tell m where to go <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> nice.<br><br>
I really think that until one of us moves out it is just damage control. we are starting to get this place ready to sell. I think we are done renting property. There is just too much risk.
 

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Can you put up like a... cheap-o fence to divide your and their areas? That way you can say, this is OUR yard, please keep said rude kids out of it!<br><br>
I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
 

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True story...<br><br>
I was in the grocery store Sunday night, and a man walked up on a woman in the same isle. The woman said a polite "hello" to the man, the man was polite but distant, and tried to make a getaway. But, the woman said...<br><br>
W: "Jake says you wont let him come over to play with Caleb, and Caleb can't come to our house anymore either????"<br><br>
M: "Lady, your son is an A** hole. Nobody can stand him, haven't you noticed?"<br><br>
So, while that may sound appealing sometimes, I think it was the WRONG way to cut ties with a neigbor. I was amused, but shocked. Sadly, this is what my husband would do too. He spares no feelings.
 

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Since they really are the kind of kids that most of us would not like our own kids to be around, it is worth risking the hurt feelings.<br><br>
Tell them as politely as you can that while you support their lifestyle, you don't want your own kids exposed to it. Give them examples. Tell them that "We may be overprotective, but we made these choices based on what we have learned from various books, and experienses".<br><br>
Just tell them that you want their kids to stay off your property, and away from your kids, and you will promise to do the same, while still being the best neighbors you can be.<br><br>
Then every time you see them at your door, or in your yard, remind them as gently as possible that they need to stay off your property.<br><br>
Keep in mind that they are being taught this. They don't know that they are doing anything wrong. This is what is normal to them. So, be as loving as you can stand to be, so they see that you Do like them, but you just like them better at their own house.
 

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We have a similar situation. I just deal with the kids. I tell them "you aren't allowed to play at our house/with my dds because you don't follow my rules". That isn't mean. It is the truth. If you keep sending them home, eventually they will get bored with it and stay away.
 

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the bright side of this is that these brats are great teaching examples for your kids... talk about how they hurt other kids, how bad drugs, stealing, disrespect for self/others are, and how nobody wants to be around kids who act this way.<br><br>
sorry you're dealing with such a tough situation.<br><br>
eta: I apologize for using the term "brats" above. they are real kids, and it's not fair for me to label them. sorry.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>andiamomama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8140776"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">the bright side of this is that these brats are great teaching examples for your kids... talk about how they hurt other kids, how bad drugs, stealing, disrespect for self/others are, and how nobody wants to be around kids who act this way.<br><br>
sorry you're dealing with such a tough situation.</div>
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They probably aren't really brats. But, their parents have taught them that this is acceptable behavior. Kids only know what they are shown. They will hopefully pick up on more likeable behaviors as they meet more people. But, at this age, I think they just don't know any different.
 

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wow!<br><br>
My first though is that these kids have learned these things from... most likely their parents! (not that the parent is always the cause, but this is too much, so it is either from their parents, or lack of parent's attention...).. which is just messed up. You can just try to help the kids by setting a good example, as painful as that is...<br><br>
I would try to make a physical barrier to keep them out. I don't know what the rental laws are in your state, but can you ask for a walk through to see what the condition of the inside of the house is--and if it is totally trashed, have them move out?<br><br>
I've rented places as a parent, and am always really respectful of the place; I hope that folks don't think that all renters are like this!
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>nextcommercial</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8128977"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">True story...<br><br>
I was in the grocery store Sunday night, and a man walked up on a woman in the same isle. The woman said a polite "hello" to the man, the man was polite but distant, and tried to make a getaway. But, the woman said...<br><br>
W: "Jake says you wont let him come over to play with Caleb, and Caleb can't come to our house anymore either????"<br><br>
M: "Lady, your son is an A** hole. Nobody can stand him, haven't you noticed?"<br><br>
So, while that may sound appealing sometimes, I think it was the WRONG way to cut ties with a neigbor. I was amused, but shocked. Sadly, this is what my husband would do too. He spares no feelings.</div>
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ITs honest though. I probably would not have called a kid an a**hole but i'd be honest.
 
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