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Discussion Starter #1
What it comes down to is this: my husband wants them in school, I want them at home. He has all kinds of reasons that don't answer to logic, so it doesn't matter how I argue it, really.<br><br>
So my actual question is, how do two grown-ups who love each other but have extremely opposing views on a subject come to a compromise.... when it seems to me that it's going to come down to either his way or my way?<br><br>
oh pleeeeease help.<br><br>
thank you...
 

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Some suggestions:<br><br>
1) An online charter school. You'll have to follow their requirements, but you'll also have freedom to go above and beyond. After a year, perhaps your DH will see that the world hasn't ended and your child hasn't self destructed and be okay with more independence.<br><br>
2) A strong homeschool co-op, where your child can go and take classes with other children, usually taught by a parent but sometimes also by a hired teacher. Co-ops come in all different shapes and forms and sizes, so it depends what's in your area.<br><br>
3) Some states mandate that schools allow homeschooled children be allowed to selectively enroll for specific classes. Even in states where this isn't mandated, some districts allow it. Almost all at least allow students to participate in after school sports.<br><br>
4) The specific "philosophy" you choose to homeschool by can be as strict or as relaxed as you allow. Some homeschoolers very much follow strict schedules and stay on grade level for their subjects, others don't. If you're more comfortable saying "okay, we'll send away for this English curriculum, and work on grammar and spelling every day from 8:30 to 9, followed by 1/2 an hour of sustained silent reading," that's fine.<br><br>
What exactly are some of his specific concerns, and why do you want to homeschool? If you give us some more info, we might be able to offer some more pertinent advice.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Thanks, those are all good suggestions. I don't really want to follow someone else's timeline, so the online thing wouldn't work for me. The other ideas are mostly things I've considered (except enrolling in select classes at school) but none of them are "school" in it's popular culture definition, and that's the sticking point. I don't think dh is concerned with the actual education aspect either way- he thinks it would be fine at school and i think he believes i could manage it at home. It's more the classic social argument. And then, the real kicker is that his mom is a 1st grade teacher. His dad is simply very very conventional. They both have expressed strong opinions on the subject (as has my mom, another teacher) and he just doesn't want to have to explain or defend or whatever. He's been very patient with all my home-birthing, extended-nursing, blah blah blahing for six years and is tired of being "outside of normal." And this is where he has chosen to draw the line. And I do think a large part of it is wanting his parents' approval. Very emotional, not arguable.<br>
???
 

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We use a cyber school and my sons are self-paced. They were fine with both of mine going through K4 in 3-4 months and we just move up a grade when the child is ready. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
If it's social stuff he's worried about, maybe there are local things your kids can be involved in fairly regularly?
 

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We did a year of public school (half day pre-K at the local public school) and then a year of homeschooling, and then made a longer term decision. It was good for both of us to see what, exactly, we were talking about in real terms with a real school, real teachers, classmates, real homeschool group, curriculum, and classes and our particular child.<br><br>
The school experience was not as bad as I feared, but the homeschool experience was not as difficult as DH feared. DD did academically great with both, but homeschooling allowed her a lot more experiences she was excited to share at the dinner table, and allowed more extended family visits, and a lot more attention to artistic interests.<br><br>
We have decided now to homeschool for at least the next 2 years, then we'll discuss again; we expect to move/finances to change around then, so it's a good discussion point. I'm sure we'll talk again at middle school age, and high school age.
 
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Discussion Starter #6
I agree that a trial year would be fair, except that I just don't think it would be fairly assessed by dh. We did kinder at home this year and in my opinion it was great, but dh truly just wants straight-up school, and I think if ds was in school for a trial then it would all be great to dh no matter what was going on. For instance: one reason I want to hs is that I think ds would be a classic can't-sit-still case. In dh's opinion, ds simply needs to learn to sit still. ie, the school isn't the trouble, ds is. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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It all depends on what you have available locally.<br><br>
I'd consider the program my DS is in to be a compromise between home and public school. He's in an independent study program run through the school district. I'm free to choose his curriculum and activities, and don't have to use what the school district provides, though that's an option. We're supposed to meet with his teacher for an hour once a week (this is pretty flexible) and submit a record of the work he's done, and there are optional academic workshops he can attend for up to 3 hours a week. The teacher provides as much support and guidance as we desire, from providing a list of assignments for families who want that level of involvement, to basically being totally hands-off except for occasional assessment.<br><br>
It's not perfect - it's a lot of paperwork, and is much more limiting than some of the other charter school resources available in my area. If we were living here next year, I'd be switching to something else. But it's helpful for people who want that level of support and accountability, especially while just starting out.
 

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What kind of things have you involved him in so far? My DD (6.5) is in class, practice or rehearsal so much it's hard to say she's home schooled with a straight face.
 

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"I don't think dh is concerned with the actual education aspect either way- he thinks it would be fine at school and i think he believes i could manage it at home. It's more the classic social argument. And then, the real kicker is that his mom is a 1st grade teacher. His dad is simply very very conventional. They both have expressed strong opinions on the subject (as has my mom, another teacher) and he just doesn't want to have to explain or defend or whatever. He's been very patient with all my home-birthing, extended-nursing, blah blah blahing for six years and is tired of being "outside of normal." And this is where he has chosen to draw the line. And I do think a large part of it is wanting his parents' approval. Very emotional, not arguable."<br><br>
So don't argue. State that you are homeschooling. If he needs to get his emotions out by ranting and railing, so be it. Don't register your son for school. Don't put him on the bus.<br><br>
It's great when parents can agree right from the start about homeschooling (or anything else). But when one spouse is operating in the logic-free zone and thinking about pleasing his Mommy, then it's really incumbent on the other spouse to draw THEIR line and say "no, our job as parents is to provide the best education possible, not to smooth things over with our relatives. If homeschooling doesn't work out as well as I think it will, we'll talk about public school for second grade." Period full stop end of story. If your husband is so dedicated to the notion of public school that he will wake your son every school morning, feed him breakfast, get him dressed and drive him to school before work - well, then, perhaps he feels so strongly about it that you should let him have his way on this one. But who are we kidding here? He's not looking to take ownership of the schooling job. He's looking to get you to go against your better judgment by voicing opposition to your plan. You don't need to play that game. Let him holler and do what you were going to do anyway.
 

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Yes, there are compromises. I have heard of certain private schools-- both where we used to live (in Texas) and here (in Arizona)....where you do homeschool part of the week and private school the other half. Seemed like a decent option-- it is just that I'm already in love with schooling at home!
 

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I think an online public school might be the best option. I am working on my dh to do this.He will see the curriculum,books,and testing.Then after a while it might dawn on him that,"Hey we can do all this on our own!" and agree to home school.<br><br>
Many online charters do not have strict schedules.I have read the strict schedules are for high school.<br><br>
As for the social aspect.My kids are in school and the friends they have there are strictly *school friends*,which means no contact with those kids outside of school.It is really not that much more fulfilling than just seeing kids weekly at a interest type class.<br><br>
Some public schools allow homeschoolers to attend part time.
 

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Some public schools have a "homeschool" solution. My dd did this the first year. She was technically a public school student. She went 1 day a week to this program. It included a block that had English/Science together and then she also had PE, Spanish, technology and art. They also offered field trips throughout the year, a resource library of curriculum materials, and a small budget to spend as we liked. In return, I filled out a report online of our monthly progress, and had learning plans in place for her subjects. It was ok, but gave my dh the security of knowing that we had help if needed. She also attended a gifted class once a week. The two were too much, and we felt like we were cramming regular stuff into the 3 remaining days.<br><br>
My dd now attends public school part time but is technically a homeschooler. She attends her gifted class one day a week.<br><br>
Amy
 

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Another vote for the online "virtual" schools. If you don't do it via your state's system, you have absolute control over the schedule -- otherwise, states typically want you do enter 'attendance' on weekdays; although the virtual school we do with dd1 is quite flexible with us (some days we just enter attendance and no assessments). They could care less what time of the day we're doing things, it's all up to us.<br><br>
Like you, we have family members who work in the public school system; my sister is a principal, and dh's step-mother is a middle school teacher. It IS an additional challenge to homeschool, IMO, when you've got family members who become defensive about it and assume that it's some judgment of them or how they do their job, rather than a judgment of the system at large (or simply a decision about what works better for YOUR family).<br><br>
That doesn't address your dh's 'socialization' argument, though, which I think is the crux of this. Have you suggested that he read Guterson's book about homeschooling? Have you read it?<br><br>
I think a huge truism in our culture today is that kids somehow ought to be spending time in cohorts of 20-40 (or more) kids of the very same age. Over our species' long history, that simply hasn't been the case, it's not necessary for people to grow up into functional adults - and it doesn't reflect the adult world, where we are interacting with people ranging from 18 to 78 on a regular basis. Can you help your husband rethink this (which I think is a big part of the 'socialization' argument)?<br><br>
My dd interacts well with kids of various ages, and is confident in her interactions with teens and adults. I credit this in part to the fact that she regularly interacts with people of all ages, not just with kids the same age she is.
 

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My parents are teachers. Recently, my mom invited my children to visit her classroom for a couple days. At the end of those days, she could understand why I'm homeschooling my son. She finally "got it". My son was in school for Kind, 1st and 2nd. He had kind, committed teachers who actually cared for and loved him but he was having many behavioral issues. The school considered him a problem to be fixed. However, after leaving school, those same behavioral issued have slowly dissappeared. It turns out school was so stressful for him, he wasn't functioning well. School was the problem to be fixed. At first my husband was very skeptical. He wrote an extensive list of concerns that he wanted me to address in our homeschooling, but he did trust me with making the final decision since I am the one who would be most affected. It also helps that on his side of the family all his nieces and nephews are older and homeschooled so we didn't have to set the precedent. One of his issues is the socialization issue. As it turns out, we have a much more active social life now than when he was in school. He takes classes, he is rested and relaxed in the afternoons and so can handle playdates (previously he just needed to wind down after school so we douldn't do anything else). We plugged into the homeschool community and his friends are from very diverse sources, not just his former classmates. He really is growing socially and emotionally in ways that wasn't happening in school. Maybe your husband doesn't have a vision of what a social life looks like when homeschooled. If he needs something familiar and reassuring, charter homeschool groups often have group social activities and networking opportunities. One local charter school meets once a week for classes while the rest of the time school is at home. Another local on-line school has clubs and dances and other social activities. At another local charter school you register for classes from their extensive catalogue and go to a main campus (kind of like in a community college but for homeschoolers). Some of the charter schools actually give you money for books and extra-curricular classes. These charter schools are technically public schools and they are desperately trying to get the homeschooler's tax dollars.<br><br>
Actually, over the last school year my husband has gone from skeptical to totally on board. However, I can only guess that if my ds had never gone to school, my dh would never have seen the difference and could easily try to explain some of my son's behaviors as resulting from our homeschooling.
 

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Is your husband willing to read any books or articles that you could print out?<br>
You could let him know that you have resources to share with him that show why you are pro-hs, and that you are willing to read anything he has that proves his side. He will probably have a hard time finding good pro-school stuff that he can really use as an argument, and it might help him see your point of view.
 

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There's a great piece about socialization in the Jan/Feb/Mar issue of Practical Homeschooling, I'm sure you can get it at your library. Reading it may change your husbands view on socialization. With my DH I can talk all I want and he rarely changes his opinions but if I give him something to read or watch it affects him a lot more than what I have to say.<br>
Good luck!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>elanorh</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15410310"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">That doesn't address your dh's 'socialization' argument, though, which I think is the crux of this. Have you suggested that he read Guterson's book about homeschooling? Have you read it?</div>
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One of the virtual schools here (CVA) sets up lots of activities for the kids to do together. If the virtual school you are looking at does the same, then I think it would help with the "socialization" thing.<br><br>
Amy
 

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Another "school socialization" compromise if you want to do that is to enroll him in the aftercare program at a private school. I know some of them around here will take outside kids into the aftercare.<br><br>
And/or in the summer where I live there are tons of half-day enrichment camps for the kids 9-1pm who don't need full time care but whose parents want to delegate care? education? during that time.
 
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