Thank you all so much, it means a lot to me to have such caring replies. I've been up and down a lot in the past two days. I've had a couple talks with my dh, and he's going to take the kids for at least a few hours this Tuesday (only has one day off this week
). I'm fantasizing about what I will do!
ILuvMyBaby, do you know why it seems to happen around ovulation? Which hormones are the cause? I'll be looking for PMS escape. We have a small natural-foods store here, and a Fred Meyer. Hopefully one of them will have it. Do you know of any other supplements I could try?
Quaniliaz, I'm in Juneau, Alaska. I know of one other MDC mama here, but she is pregnant (with morning sickness!) and has no earthside children yet. We've gotten together, but since my kids still don't have any other kids to play with it's not as relaxing as it would be if they had playmates, kwim? I've been making a few friends, but it's slow going, and I try not to seem too desperate. If we move (which is about 85% going to happen), it will be to the Caribbean...I keep intending to post in the Tribal area, but as of yet no one has ever posted there...well, one person who used to live in Puerto Rico, but the island we'll be going to is Dominica (different from the Dominican Republic), which is pretty far from PR. I'm completely clueless as to what it is really like there, all I've found are tourist-based sites. All I know is that it's breathtakingly beautiful and the people "love children". It's adding to my stress, because I'm excited but scared and don't really know what to expect.
CarrieMF, it's definitely low blood sugar for my dd. She has excellent focus, and has a difficult time breaking away from things for something she considers unimportant...like eating. Even if I bring her a snack, set it right next to her, touch her and tell her it is there, she still ignores it. It can get frustrating. I just try and work through it, reminding her of the connection between the hunger and her mood. Sometimes I just want to whack her on the head with her sippy cup, though. sigh. There are some other moms in the building, but they all work during the day. I left my Maya Wrap in storage, but my ds is STUBBORN...um, he gets it from me. He refuses to be held when he doesn't want to be held, and he will bite and kick and scream for a very long time. I think it will get better when he learns to talk a bit more; I'm already telling him to say that he's angry instead of hurting me. He's always been more interested in the physical rather than the verbal. I haven't tried any relaxation techniques (other than using Rescue Remedy, which seems to help me some but not the kids). Can you recommend some?
EllasMama, thanks for the hugs. You know, when you said this: "My assessment of my situation I that I fought and fought and held it together...followed by an even bigger crash than if I'd fallen apart earlier on, ironically." it really struck a chord with me. I never even considered that it might be PPD, but once I thought about it, I realized I have been feeling really worn out and sad since he was born, just kept attributing it to other things. It was a lightbulb moment. And honestly, I have been considering weaning him for a while. I feel terrible saying it, but this time nursing has not been the wonderful experience it was the first time. He is just so active and rough. I feel sad about it, but ready to be done. I think he would be okay with it. Did you read anything to help you figure out how to go about it? I read LLL's "Weaning Gradually With Love", but it was ages ago, and it seemed to focus on how important it was to let them wean themselves.
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Which I wholeheartedly believed in before ds! (dd self-weaned at 3 1/2)
Earlier this morning I had checked in on MDC to see if there were any responses, and I left the window open when I went to a different site. Dh was going to shut down the computer a bit later and saw my post and read it! I was nervous when he told me, but he was so sweet and we talked even more about what is going on. I feel so much better that he knows how I'm really feeling. I have a tendency to hold back because I don't want to burden people.
I've also had the idea of looking into going to visit my parents for a week or so. Since dh is a pilot we can get low priced tickets and maybe my mom can pay for them. Just to break the summer up a bit. And I even thought dd might be able to go to camp there (she's going to go to Girl Scout camp here, but it's not until Aug 17!).
Thank you all again for listening, and I'll try and keep you updated.
love to all of you again.
