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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok, I have a friend with a DD who is the same age & they are both going through this...this...thing right now. I'm assuming it's a developmental thing since they're both doing it, but we both need advice on handling it.<br><br>
Here's the deal. DD is 2.5 & in the last 3 weeks has become totally oppositional to any kind of transitions. Examples:<br><br>
Whenever I start getting us ready to leave the house she insists that she wants to stay home. She runs around the house laughing so I can't get her dressed so we can go. I try giving her choices about what she wants to wear. I try making a game of getting dressed. I sing songs. I get silly. I get serious. Nothing works. Eventually, I tell her she can do it herself or I will do it for her, but she must get dressed. Sometimes she decides to do it herself. Other times I get into a wrestling match with her trying to get her clothes on. By the time we're ready, I want to stay home too.<br><br>
Once we leave she's happy, but then we have the reverse problem when we try to go home. We have similar problems at bedtime...to get teeth brushed....to get nighttime diaper on....to change into pajamas....to get into bed.<br><br>
We always warn her well in advance of what will be happening. We've been doing that for most of her life, and it's worked until now. We validate her feelings. And, like I said, we give choices & play games. We postpone things that don't need to be done.<br><br>
Am I missing something? Something I'm doing or not doing?<br><br>
Please tell me it's a stage & she'll stop eventually. I assume it has something to do with her developing autonomy and learning that she can assert more control over her environment.<br><br>
I don't know how clear I've been. I'll clarify later if necessary.
 

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It is a stage - just keep warning her that the transition is about to happen and really say over and over again what is going to happen next and when she makes the transition (even if she freaks out during it) Tell her what a great job she has done. Also.....leave lots of time before you leave so that you don't have to rush through the process or play her "games" If you don't leave enough time to get ready when she runs away laughing you will chase her with her clothes and that sounds fun enough to do again <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><br>
BJ<br>
Barney & Ben
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thanks for replying! I'm glad to know that we seem to be doing the right things. I'm working on my own ability to stay calm & be patient. Sometimes I just need to relax & not let it get to me. That helps.
 

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DD does this a my mom's when she doesn't want to leave her house. We do find it funny, give her a few more minutes and then i will take her and get her dress. Sometimes she will cry other times she is ok with it.
 

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Honestly, I have no advice but want to say, you aren't alone. Brett is like that and has been like that for a long time. He fusses and fights me on everything. Sometimes he thinks it's hillarious. Other times he's truly annoyed and fighting me. Every time he gets dressed, gets coat on, gets shoes on, getting ready to leave, etc. He fusses/whines about *Everything* I think it's just his personality. (oh joy!) It's very frustrating, yes but, honestly, I think your approach is the best you can do. We also try getting silly, giving choices (Brett's a bit younger but can make some choices), giving time warnings, following a routine, etc. And I usually end up with, "Ok, you chose to run around, not to get dressed, whatever so Mama is going to do it now." Cue wrestling match. I hate it but I can't see another way around it.
 

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My ds is also 2.5 and his favorite word is "No!"<br><br>
He also means what he says!!!!<br><br>
"Time for bed" = "No no"<br>
"Are you hungry now?" = "No no"<br>
" Do you want to see nanny today?" = "No no"<br>
"Can I change that poo yet?" = "No no"<br><br>
Infact, the only time he's not fighting me on everything is when I ask him if he wants a chocolate freddo frog!!! I'm not resorting to bribery so there is alot of CIO going on at my house, not to mention a few time outs here and there.<br><br>
Like the OP I respect his feelings and validate them, but sometimes he is si adamant that it turns into a tantrum and he starts to throw things ... then it's a time out! He must learn that some behaviour is not acceptable and he must accept that some of his requests are unreasonable.<br><br>
For eg. he brought me his toy car and asked me to open the doors for him. This toy car is molded and it's doors do not open. I tried to tell him this but he got hysterical. I reassured him that I knew he wanted the doors open but they were stuck and don't open and he snatched the car and threw it across the room. What do you do???<br><br>
Changing his nappy is met with a wrestling match ... and I've tried everything to avoid these. I just tell him I love him and how much better he will feel in a clean bum and change him kicking and screaming. I've waited 4 hours before he 'let' me change his poo - that is unacceptable to me so wrestling match it is.<br><br>
I am pretty sure the original poster was right on the mark with her assumption that this is a developmental thing, and they are learning to assert themselves. As loving parents we need lots of patience and wisdom - not to mention energy to win these all too necessary wrestling matches!<br><br>
Must say, we have been using time outs not so much for tantrums but for when tantrums go wrong (throwing, hitting etc). We have only been doing this for a month and we are getting really good results. Most mums are not comfortable with this method of discipline so it's definately not for everyone. It was a last resort in my house and for the first few time outs I actually sat in his room withhim so he didn't think this was an excercise in abandonment. Now, just the warning of an impending time out is enough to get him pulling himself together. At the start it was 3 -4 time outs a day! Now it's more like one a week and he understands what will and wont be accepted. His behaviour in the last month has improved dramatically and he is much more agreeable on most things which is great. Just my thoughts, I don't recommend time out's for those uncomfortable with the idea but it works for me and I'm ok with it.<br><br>
It's just an age - children need gentle guidance and lots of love. They will grow out of this phase I'm sure.<br><br>
starlite
 

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I just wanted to add, make sure you are consistent from incident to incident. Remember, toddlers are very big on testing their limits and they truly do thrive when they know and have clear boundaries.<br><br>
I think we can be firm, consistent and set and enforce very clear boundaries and still be gentle. Kids can't handle being in control of everything-that's what we are for. So I do think how you are handling the situation is good. At least we aren't yelling/screaming/hitting, etc.<br><br>
It makes me sad to think about what life would be like for my son if he had been born to a spanking/yelling, etc family. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> He's so spirited. It's not my favorite way of getting things done (the wrestling match) But I'm so proud of myself for not going another route.
 
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