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Was this a legitimate punishment, or abuse?

  • Legitimate punishment

    Votes: 36 24.0%
  • Emotional abuse

    Votes: 114 76.0%
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I think that there are better ways to teach your child a lesson. Resorting to humiliating your child is just plain mean. How is humiliation going to teach this child a lesson? IMO, all it accomplishes is hard feelings toward her mother. I think it will lead to future problems down the road.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by tayndrewsmama
I guess, being an AP community and all, we might a bit biased in our voting? I would like to think that humiliating one's child isn't seen as okay in mainstream parenting though.
I'd like to think that too. Unfortunately, I don't think that b/c I just know too many people who don't think twice about humiliating their children. In fact, many of them don't even think what they are doing is considered to be humiliating.
 

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The thing is, when you humiliate someone like that it's not really a punishment anymore. All that girl is doing is standing on a street corner, mad at her mother. She's not reflecting on what she's done wrong and why she needs to go to school and do well, she's just pissed off at her mom now. My mom was big on humiliation and it never worked, it just made me think she was a real jerk.

Or exactly what Jillian said
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Since the numbers are growing for those who think it's legitimate punishment, I'd like to know what the views are behind that. Maybe we aren't seeing something here.
You shouldn't be afraid to stand up for your views if you feel they are right.
 

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Personally I think it's deplorable. But I'm sort of freakish about GD and non-punitive discipline.

Public humiliation may change her behavior in the short term, but it would probably only contribute to feelings of shame, embarassment, worthlessness ... possibly the very feelings that were leading her to act out in the first place.

With all of the lively discussions in the GD forum about the harmfulness of punishments and the negative effects of shame, I'm surprised that 1/3 of MDC voters thought it was legitimate.
 

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I don't think it's emotional abuse at all. Sounds like this HIGH SCHOOL girl was asking for SOME punishment and received it! I WOULD like to revisit this girls' attitude in a year or less and see if she's made any positive changes or if this incident caused her more rebellion.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by edamommy
Sounds like this HIGH SCHOOL girl was asking for SOME punishment and received it!
asking for it...

Quote:

Originally Posted by edamommy
I WOULD like to revisit this girls' attitude in a year or less and see if she's made any positive changes or if this incident caused her more rebellion.
So would I. Could go either way.
 

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I think it is humiliating.

And, as a former rebellious teen this would have pushed me further away from my parents. Hell, I probably would have said F that and walked off. No way would I have stood there like that! I can't see how this would change behavior for the better. Unless your kid is the type who is shamed & scared into compliance, which makes it even worse IMO.

Bottom line, I think it's stupid. The parents should have looked a little deeper into the issues that may have been causing their daughter to have problems at school, rather than trying to get a quick fix from humiliating punishment.

Edited to add: Can I just say how shocked I am that there are people here who are supportive of this kind of thing? I realize that not everyone here is anti-punishment, but I thought part of "AP" was being connected to your children in a way where you want to meet their needs. I can't see how ignoring the real problem and just trying for a quick fix is acceptable when dealing with problems with our kids. Sounds like this girl needs something more than punishment.

Sad
 

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My first response was "how horrible" then my husband pointed out that this mother could be at her wit's end with the child. Maybe she's tried everything and nothing seems to work. Is it a legitimate punishment? I can't say. I guess it's legitimate if it achieves the results the mother wants without impacting the young lady negatively. It depends on the personality of the child and the dynamic of the relationship between mother and child. I know more than a few mothers and their teen children that this would be a joke between the two.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by edamommy
I don't think it's emotional abuse at all. Sounds like this HIGH SCHOOL girl was asking for SOME punishment and received it! I WOULD like to revisit this girls' attitude in a year or less and see if she's made any positive changes or if this incident caused her more rebellion.
So are you saying that if it was YOU standing on the street corner with that sigh that you wouldn't be humiliated? Or are you saying that humiliation is not abuse?
 

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I wouldn't do it. I don't think humiliation is ever a good answer, but I don't know that I'd call it abuse either- in the legal sense. So do I agree with it? No, but would I call the police? No. I think children who act out are usually asking for attention. Sticking her on a street corner isn't going to solve that problem. If I were the mom, I'd be more involved and that girl would spend every spare second with me. I discovered that works with ds because it allows me to monitor him and gives him the attention he craves.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by edamommy
I don't think it's emotional abuse at all. Sounds like this HIGH SCHOOL girl was asking for SOME punishment and received it! I WOULD like to revisit this girls' attitude in a year or less and see if she's made any positive changes or if this incident caused her more rebellion.
Is this a serious post? It's so filled with cliched words... "asking for it," "attitude," "rebellion."
 
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