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OMG,wth am I doing wrong here?? ds2,2.5 years old,is SO violent towards me! And mean! He took a soup ladle from the drawer,no biggie,I didn't see any harm in letting him play w/it. Next thing I know,he hits me so hard on my shin that there's a bump under the skin,on the bone,and I was limping for a few minutes from the pain.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: He then laughs as I am practically in tears from the pain!!<br><br>
I'm not over exaggerating when I say he's out of control. He purposely tries to hurt me. Yesterday at the library,he dug his fingers into my neck so hard! Then started trying to claw my face and went right for my glasses (second pair he has broken) when I moved his hands. I have tried showing no emotion,which is pretty darn hard when he hurts me badly enough to leave marks,scratches and bruises.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
He never listens,either,which is a whole other issue,and I think I could deal with that alot better if he wasn't so physically violent. WHY is he doing this? Why does he try to hurt me? He also tries to hurt his brother,too. He has scratched his brother so badly one time it looked like a cat got to him. And I was right there and couldn't even help him! He did it SO fast,I didn't even have time to intervene! They were playing together,and bam,he reached over and dug into his brothers chest.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
I think he has food allergies,but will that cause such extreme mean behaviour? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: Everytime I have tried to eliminate things that are most common to cause reactions in kids,he doesn't eat at all! The few things he will consistently eat are pretty much on the list. Ugh.<br><br>
So tell me,is this just "typical twos"? I can't imagine it is normal for him to be so,well,mean,cause ds1 was never like this. I dunno what to think,or do,for that matter!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>L&IsMama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7961325"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think he has food allergies,but will that cause such extreme mean behaviour?</div>
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Yes.<br><br>
My dd1 is allergic to wheat. It took a while to figure it out. It also took me a while to figure out that when she was "violent" it was because she was in physical pain and just couldn't stand how irritating everything was.<br><br>
What foods have you noticed he's sensitive to? I figured out it was wheat when I knew she was sensitive to citrus and google "citrus cross allergy." Wheat turned up over and over again. We eliminated it, things got better and the healing began.<br><br>
I want to say I'm so sorry you got hit with a metal kitchen tool. I know it really hurt.
 

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Some days, my kid acts out physically, too. Even as an infant, he would jerk and slam and crash himself around into me. I think he just has very intense emotions and struggles with them a lot. As calm as I can be seems to help a bit, and trying to have some regularity in his life. Now that he is pretty verbal, I can talk to him, vs. as a baby, there was no way to reach him at times. He doesn't always listen- I have found the Spirited Toddler book helpful on how to work with it when he finds it hard to hear me. I also find it helps to remember that he's still little in many ways, and at these times, he may just want holding, etc. (not that he's easy to hold, but walking, whatever). And he's often tired from leading such a busy life learning to be a 2 year old kid. Don't know if that helps- not sure if it is normal, but it's that way for us some, too.
 

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I second the thought it might be allergan related.<br><br>
DD is allergic to dairy proteins and used to be sensitive to a long list of foods through my breastmilk (beef, dairy, eggs, soy, etc.).<br><br>
We suspect she's sensitive to food colorings as well because when she eats processed foods with red and/or yellow dyes her sleep is awful and she can act more violent as well.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>chfriend</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7961418"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Yes.<br><br>
My dd1 is allergic to wheat. It took a while to figure it out. It also took me a while to figure out that when she was "violent" it was because she was in physical pain and just couldn't stand how irritating everything was.<br><br>
What foods have you noticed he's sensitive to? I figured out it was wheat when I knew she was sensitive to citrus and google "citrus cross allergy." Wheat turned up over and over again. We eliminated it, things got better and the healing began.</div>
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Honestly,I don't know specifically which ones. I really am almost positive he has dairy intolerances,as well as wheat. And artificial preservatives and dyes,too. It's just he is SUCH a picky eater,I'm just happy to get him to eat at all some days,so I let him eat maraschino cherries (red dye,corn syrup) or chocolate milk. Bad,bad,I know. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">: I just don't know where to start on eliminating everything! It's pretty overwhelming to find wheat is in practically everything!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: Especially almost everything in my pantry!
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>KariM</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7961616"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><br>
We suspect she's sensitive to food colorings as well because when she eats processed foods with red and/or yellow dyes her sleep is awful and she can act more violent as well.</div>
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<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/nod.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="nod"> And my ds's fav thing lately is maraschino cherries,soaked in red dye #40 and hfcs. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/bag.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Bag">: I'm throwing them away today,along with alot of other things. I can't keep dealing with this behaviour. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: I guess I just have to strip my pantry alomst bare and start from the beginning? It's overwhelming,but I don't see where there's any choice.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>L&IsMama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7961633"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I just don't know where to start on eliminating everything! It's pretty overwhelming to find wheat is in practically everything!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: Especially almost everything in my pantry!</div>
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Okay, start from scratch.<br><br>
We did this because we thought my son might have a gluten or casein allergy. Turned out he was just sensitive to additivfes and to sweeteners. But we wouldn't have known if we hadn't tried, and his behavior is so different now that we know what his best diet was.<br><br>
My son's favorite foods were bread, milk and pasta/noodles. We eliminated those the first day and you know what? He was fine. He had a few meltdowns, but a lot of that was the toxins (for him, sugar) leaving his system. Having a really picky eater is often a sign of an allergy. They will crave what is worst for him.<br><br>
BTW we discovered rice pasta. Yummy and nutritious, we still use it.<br><br>
You are the mama. Put your foot down when it comes to things like maraschino cherries. Do you know those contain formaldehyde as well as those other things? Yuck. Just say no. We don't even have stuff like that in the house (there is now no refined sugar in the house at all. Better for everyone that way.)<br><br>
Your picky eater will have a rough couple of days as he detoxes, but the harder it is for him, the more you know YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING. If it is easy for him to give up those foods, than they obviously are not the problems. People crave their problem foods. (Doesn't necessarily mean if you crave it it's a problem food though.)<br><br>
My son started trying new things. He's still kind of picky, but nowhere near as much as before. He is trying new things from time to time. Your son will too! You can do this. It's hard but it will be better for his brain development, his physical health, emotional health, and his future.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>L&IsMama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7961722"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/nod.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="nod"> And my ds's fav thing lately is maraschino cherries,soaked in red dye #40 and hfcs. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/bag.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Bag">: I'm throwing them away today,along with alot of other things. I can't keep dealing with this behaviour. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: I guess I just have to strip my pantry alomst bare and start from the beginning? It's overwhelming,but I don't see where there's any choice.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"></div>
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Yay!!!! Way to go!
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>LionTigerBear</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7961756"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Okay, start from scratch.<br><br>
We did this because we thought my son might have a gluten or casein allergy. Turned out he was just sensitive to additivfes and to sweeteners. But we wouldn't have known if we hadn't tried, and his behavior is so different now that we know what his best diet was.<br><br>
My son's favorite foods were bread, milk and pasta/noodles. We eliminated those the first day and you know what? He was fine. He had a few meltdowns, but a lot of that was the toxins (for him, sugar) leaving his system. Having a really picky eater is often a sign of an allergy. They will crave what is worst for him.<br><br>
BTW we discovered rice pasta. Yummy and nutritious, we still use it.<br><br>
You are the mama. Put your foot down when it comes to things like maraschino cherries. Do you know those contain formaldehyde as well as those other things? Yuck. Just say no. We don't even have stuff like that in the house (there is now no refined sugar in the house at all. Better for everyone that way.)<br><br>
Your picky eater will have a rough couple of days as he detoxes, but the harder it is for him, the more you know YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING. If it is easy for him to give up those foods, than they obviously are not the problems. People crave their problem foods. (Doesn't necessarily mean if you crave it it's a problem food though.)<br><br>
My son started trying new things. He's still kind of picky, but nowhere near as much as before. He is trying new things from time to time. Your son will too! You can do this. It's hard but it will be better for his brain development, his physical health, emotional health, and his future.</div>
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Thank you for your great reply! I'm going to show dh later as well,cause he's contributing to a big part of the problem by buying junk! And I did not know the cherries have formaldyhyde in them! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: Scary stuff! I got the book,The Rubbish on our Plates" and had dh read some of the worst parts of it,and he's finally starting to see the light. I told him,either we make the changes,or we ALL suffer the consequences!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>L&IsMama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7961900"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Thank you for your great reply! I'm going to show dh later as well,cause he's contributing to a big part of the problem by buying junk! And I did not know the cherries have formaldyhyde in them! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: Scary stuff! I got the book,The Rubbish on our Plates" and had dh read some of the worst parts of it,and he's finally starting to see the light. I told him,either we make the changes,or we ALL suffer the consequences!</div>
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Good for him too! It can be hard to accept that what you're usd to eating is mostly-- erm, not real food. Ya know? But hopefully your dh can find some new favorite foods and really start enjoying the change!
 

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Yes I do think it's normal toddler behavior.<br><br>
By normal, I mean that it is age appropriate for a 2 year old to use their body instead of their words to convey aggression. Hitting, biting, kicking etc. are all normal with 2 year olds, and yes, even hitting that really hurts!<br><br>
From what you are saying he is a mostly happy 2 year old AND he displays sudden aggression and is hurtful physically. That is completely normal.<br><br>
If there were something "wrong" here, as in a serious physiological underlying issue, he would also be acting like a child in pain--all day non stop crying and screaming jags, unresponsive to normal situations, looking generally fatigued and exhausted, extremely unhappy almost all of the time, unable to enjoy or engage in life around him etc.<br><br>
Food allergies are very real and can cause irritability which would look like aggression in a 2 year old. That may be his issue, and it sounds like you suspect it, so definitely look into that asap.<br><br>
However, it might be his age. There is a reason for the phrase "terrible 2's" and this is part of it. My ds was exactly as you describe yours, and he did simply outgrow the aggressive phase.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>heartmama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7963346"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Yes I do think it's normal toddler behavior.<br><br>
By normal, I mean that it is age appropriate for a 2 year old to use their body instead of their words to convey aggression. Hitting, biting, kicking etc. are all normal with 2 year olds, and yes, even hitting that really hurts!<br><br>
From what you are saying he is a mostly happy 2 year old AND he displays sudden aggression and is hurtful physically. That is completely normal.<br><br>
If there were something "wrong" here, as in a serious physiological underlying issue, he would also be acting like a child in pain--all day non stop crying and screaming jags, unresponsive to normal situations, looking generally fatigued and exhausted, extremely unhappy almost all of the time, unable to enjoy or engage in life around him etc.<br><br>
Food allergies are very real and can cause irritability which would look like aggression in a 2 year old. That may be his issue, and it sounds like you suspect it, so definitely look into that asap.<br><br>
However, it might be his age. There is a reason for the phrase "terrible 2's" and this is part of it. My ds was exactly as you describe yours, and he did simply outgrow the aggressive phase.</div>
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I hope he outgrows it! I definately suspect food allergies,so we are going to look further into that. He IS a happy boy,but less and less lately. It seems everything is a big dramatic thing for him. He literally screams and freaks over every little thing. He is very active,however,and doesn't "seem" to be in pain from what I can see. He has signs of allergies,though,the circles under eyes,the behaviour I posted about,and a persistent rash,dry skin,etc.<br><br>
So,I am thinking it is a bit of both,the age,and food sensitivities/allergies.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>LionTigerBear</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7963242"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Good for him too! It can be hard to accept that what you're usd to eating is mostly-- erm, not real food. Ya know? But hopefully your dh can find some new favorite foods and really start enjoying the change!</div>
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My dh does like healthy foods,loves veggies,and loves when I make home cooked dinners. His biggest thing is drinking Gatorade ,which is just vile in so many ways. And store bought iced tea. And he drinks tons of Mt Dew,but I am not going to stress over that,since he drinks it while at work,doesn't bring any home so I try to not stress so much over it. He's an adult,yk? I told him as long as he keeps his soda,gatorade,and other nasty iced "tea" drinks out of the house I will be happy.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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I don't know anything about food allergies. Responding to the behaviour though, I have heard other mamas talk about showing no emotion, and honestly that makes NO sense to me. I think they need to know that if they do something like that, it freaking hurts. Mama is human, not indestructible, and yes they have the power to cause pain.<br><br>
My child has not ever been very physically aggressive, but she did go thru a phase where she would hit me, kick me, pull my hair. I was very firm in my tone and said, "No! No hitting mama!" Or sometimes, "You do NOT hit your mother."<br><br>
It is important to me that she know that I am the mother and I am somebody she needs to respect. She needs to respect everyone obviously, but hitting mama is taboo in this house. We got real clear on that quickly, and it has not been an issue since.<br><br>
Sometimes I wonder if children are doing these things looking for firm boundaries, and upon not finding them (as in the pretending it doesn't hurt), they keep up the behaviour in search of some limit.
 

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Yup. Wheat is everywhere. dd1 can eat all the processed junk in the world and be fine. Wheat makes her sick.<br><br>
Honestly, I've never had the experience of a kid wanting what is bad for them. dd1 misses cookies, but other than that, not much. dd2 had a soy sensitivity and hates tofu.<br><br>
I'd get some rice pasta 'cause it tastes really similar. Just follow the directions on the box. DeBoles Mac and Cheese is our favorite.<br><br>
ETA: My kids have never done that "boundary seeking" stuff people talk about. But my dd1 did hit and kick me before we figured out what was up. I don't believe in "showing no emotion" either. Sometimes I cried because it hurt. Sometimes I felt mad and helpless. I yelled at her sometimes. But it wasn't her fault. And she couldn't help it. She was very little and in pain. I'm glad the emotion I showed her was love. The most important thing for us during this long and very hard time was that she knew I was on her side and that we would figure it out.
 

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I should probably have been more clear on the showing no emotion thing. I do show emotion when he hurts me. I try not to show any emotion when he is freaking out while I am holding him to prevent him from hurting me. Does that make sense? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> Example,the other day we were at the store and ds kept wanting to walk on his own. I told him he either could ride in the cart or I could hold him. He didn't like that,so he ripped my glasses off my face,flung them down,and started tryi ng to claw my face! I told him "Do NOT scratch me. It is NOT okay to scratch me and break my glasses. I know you're mad right now,but you can NOT hurt me just cause you are mad". THEN,I stopped talking to him,and tried to remain as calm as possible.<br><br>
But when he hurts me,like today,when he hit me with a kitchen utensil,I showed alot of emotion! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> I personally,try to repress my emotion as much as possible when he hurts me,cause if I keep on with him I will just start yelling and yelling <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/bag.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Bag">:,and I'd rather not say anything to him than start losing my temper at him. Hope that makes sense. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>L&IsMama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7964458"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">and I'd rather not say anything to him than start losing my temper at him. Hope that makes sense. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"></div>
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Okay. What I would imagine is that you have a lot of pent up anger toward him for all the violent behaviours he has done that you have under-responded to. Could that be correct? Could you find a way to tell him how you are feeling, including showing anger?<br><br>
And IMO I wouldn't feel too badly about a raised voice in the face of physical violence from my toddler. Although yelling and yelling is not good obviously, but a bit of a raised voice, firm angry tone is fine IMO. I woudl think if you addressed each incident instead of suppressing the feelings you might feel less compelled to lose your temper.<br><br>
I think so often we don't want to hurt our children, so we are super extra careful. But I think underresponding can be not good, in that it teaches him really that he can do what he wants because mama won't feel it, or if she does, well she won't stop him. Kwim?<br><br>
I am super firm with my kid about stuff like that. It is NOT allowed. That gets communicated loud and clear. If she does hurt me physically I show SHOCK, some anger, and a sense of a firm "Oh no this does not happen in our house."<br><br>
Would something like that be a new strategy to try?
 

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My DS was going through something like that... I was feeling really hurt by it (altho I know I shouldn't take it personally) but all of a sudden he's soooo affectionate, more than he's ever been, for the last week or so. Maybe he's making some developmental leap or he's just going through something. I'm realizing two is not an easy age for kids (or mommies), cuz they are just trying to deal with so much.
 

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I would mix it up and see what response works. Every toddler is so different. I ran the gamut from calmly showing 'gentle hands' in the first months of hitting and then graduating to honest angry crying and loud "You hurt mommy!" statements--all this EVER did was prompt ds to begin screaming hysterically and throw himself at me slapping wildly in total panic. It was a very frustrating age.
 
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