[guestmama9972]

Help! I need your advice.

DD is 16 mo. and all of a sudden has started to refuse to fall asleep with me. We have been doing the same bedtime routine for months, there have been no major changes at home, she just has decided that mom is too interesting!

For the last several nights I have nursed, sang, rocked, patted, bounced, etc to no avail. DD will have droopy eyes and be all relaxed, but she will not sleep. I tried for 2 hours the other night and finally I put her down in our bed (where she sleeps) and lay next to her. She SCREAMED for a good 30 minutes until she just collapsed into sleep. I patted her, sang to her, and tried to comfort her. She was so mad that she was refusing to nurse and trying to hit me. This has happened twice since then, tonight included. The thing is, I know she is wiped out and needs sleep. If she didn't seem tired I'd keep her up by all means. Incidently, on the nights DH is home he puts her to bed and she falls asleep on Daddy's lap like a charm.

I feel terrible about her screaming. She seems so distressed, or angry, to the point where she doesn't want me near her. What am I doing wrong? What do I try for a tired toddler who just won't sleep?

 

[desertpenguin]

Perhaps you could try some homeopathic remedies or chamomile tea? No diet changes, no teething problems?

 

[eightyferrettoes]

I think it is neither CIO nor mean... but I'm sitting here with a SCREAMING baby on my lap. Doesn't want to nurse, rock, sling, snuggle, walk. His diaper is clean, he's got a fresh sleeper on. I give up. We're just going to sit here till he falls asleep... he's so exhausted I can smell it.

I have no suggestions. DS just started this, too, at 3 months. He's so furious, he's coughing phlegm

Sometimes I understand why people shake babies.

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ETA: He just fell asleep, mid-scream. Isn't that weird? Now he looks like a perfect little angel... how could I have been so danged frustrated? I prayed for this baby forever!

You're not alone. If that makes you feel better.

 

[mama24-7]

I have had multiple problems getting dd to sleep over her almost 3 years. What I found always made it worse was my getting upset and frustrated. Almost w/o fail, as soon as I would let go of her getting to sleep at a certain time or w/in a certain amount of time or whatever, the problem would go away.

It is very difficult when you know they are tired and refuse to sleep. BTDT. She has been having trouble taking naps the past few days (mostly due ot the fact that I've stopped nursing her to sleep for naps b/c she's going to get a sibling any day and I don't know how I'll nurse her to sleep w/ a new babe). But the less worked up I get about it all, the easier things go.

You are doing nothing wrong and being their w/ your child after you've tried everything and still being willing to try is in no way CIO. It feels terrible to have your child so upset, but you are still there for her.

And I agree w/ the PP: I now understand why people shake babies. I never could before becoming a mother, but I do understand it now. THis is the most difficult job in the world.

Try letting go of it, if possible and see what happens.
Sus

 

[paquerette]

Quote:

Originally Posted by eightyferrettoes I have no suggestions. DS just started this, too, at 3 months. He's so furious, he's coughing phlegm Sometimes I understand why people shake babies. : : : : : : ETA: He just fell asleep, mid-scream. Isn't that weird? Now he looks like a perfect little angel... how could I have been so danged frustrated? I prayed for this baby forever!

Wow, I could have written this.

I don't know yet how toddlers work, but with my baby I try to get her down earlier and more often, and sometimes that helps.

 

[j_thurm]

I found that too with my baby. She was getting overtired so I just started watching her sleep signs and kept laying her down earlier and earlier until it seemed we settled/or she settled on 7 pm for nighttime.

It is hard though!!!

 

[bamamom]

My dd did this at around 18 months, after always laying down and going to sleep on her own. Itis hard, and I had to watch the cues Getting her down by the third yawn is a good place to start. She has finally just passed this stage, and last night even said "Night night, see ya in the mornin' " much to our shock. So this too will pass.

And yes, she always falls asleep on daddy like a charm. Unfortunately, he works thirds, or he would always have bedtime duty! :LOL

 

[addiesmom]

No way is that CIO. You were there for your little one the whole time.

Maybe she is teething, or maybe she is working on a new skill that has her revved up. My DD is 2.5 yrs, and over time, I have come to realize that sometimes we just don't know what's going on in their little bodies - but it always seem to pass. I will be in the middle of pulling my hair out over a new behavior, and before I know it, I'm looking back saying, "well, that wasn't so long lived, what was I freaking out over". Try to have patience, and this too will pass.

 

[Jen123]

That is NOT cio.
Did you lay her down and walk away ? Did you close your ears to her screaming and say to yourself "she'll learn?" NO you did not.

You did exactly what you were supposed to do. Sometimes babies fight sleep. Sometimes we do all the right things and our babies STILL have to get it out of their system.

 

[CB73]

I agree that it is not CIO. You tried a bunch of helpful things that perhaps 'used to work', but she was telling you that she is shifting her needs & that something has changed or is going on for her. (teething? tummy ache? temperature too hot/cold? thirsty? Other?)

My son is now 21MO, and around 16MO, he went through a phase of shrieking at night, and it was awful. We were physically present for him, and made many attempts to comfort him, but we quickly learned that for him, he had changed his need to simply lying still, untouched, yet still in our bed...and he would fall asleep. He seemed to simply want to listen to his nighttime CD.

And yes, daddy does it better at our house too!

It is fascinating to watch as our children develop into their own beings, with their own clear differences between what we might expect and what they want.

Patience is the key here. Deep breath - you are not alone!

 

[~Megan~]

She may be working on molars.

 

[ctdoula]

Nope, not CIO nor mean. My dd is similar in that with me laying next to her it would take HOURS for her to fall asleep. By herself, it's very quick. I'm too stimulating for her or something. So if she doesn't fall asleep nursing asap, she 'reads' books to herself until she is ready to sleep. When she was smaller, there were phases like the one you're going through now. It WILL pass

 

[dido1]

My little guy (13 mos) is cutting molars and will not go to sleep until he is exhausted. Tonight we tried all the normal things, at the first sign of yawns but nothing worked. He was biting me, banging his head on me, yelling, fussing, etc. I took for a walk, wore him on my back, gave him to Dad, then finally just let him fuss back and forth between Dad and I. He finally nursed to sleep at 10 p.m.

It's so hard when their sleep needs change, but I agree with the PP who mentioned that the more worked up you get about them sleeping, the harder it can be. If I let go of my need for him to sleep, I can usually be more present for DS by creating a quiet environment for him to unwind in rather than sleep in, if that makes any sense.

 

[Ruthla]

It's not possible to stop ALL crying- we're just not that powerful!

You tried a bunch of things to soothe her, and nothing worked. You stayed with your child the whole time she screamed. How is that CIO??

Maybe she was just frustrated and needed to blow off some steam before she could settle down to sleep?

 

[lplkemc]

Wow! I know just how you feel!

Does this only happen when your DH is away? just a thought.

As far as a suggestion of how to fix it, I don't know. sorry.

 

[Trishy]

Maybe she is a little overtired? I know from ds1 that if I waited too long to try to get him down it was really hard. Once I started an earlier bedtime for him he went down much easier.

I would also try some homeopathic chammomila (30x should be good) or some chamomile tea. If you think she may be cutting teeth, or at least working on them you could give Hyland's Teething tablet, which also contain chammomila. There is another thread on this board about someone who is reporting success with Bach's Walnut, you might want to check that out too.

 

[katenyc]

I sure hope it's not CIO, because this happens to me (either before a nap or at night) at least 1x per day. I nurse dd, hug her, sing to her, pat her back, or (when I need to cool off) hand her to dh who does the same thing while she cries.

I've got no explanation--I've tried to structure her day in such a way that it's predictable; I never put her in her crib, which she hates, anymore (just on a blanket on the floor or in bed); I try to put her down before she is overtired, etc.

I did notice a pattern to her going to nap routine...after nursing, she'd be a little squirmy and hyper, then she'd get upset, then she'd settle down and be awake and calm, and eventually she'd drift off to sleep.

As someone suggested to me, I am just "loving her through it" and I know that someday a) she will put herself to bed and b) she will be able to express if something hurts or what she is feeling. For now it can be incredibly heart-wrenching to watch my happy baby dissolve into tears when she is tired and trying to go to sleep, but I simply hold her close and try to keep it together myself. Not easy!

 

[Flor]

Ds does this a couple of times a week. I have let go of my ideas of when children should go to bed. Last night it was 10:30, tonight 8, though we start the routine at 7:30. I had trouble falling asleep as a child, did you? I don't know why, I was a "night owl" till I was in college. I could lay in bed for hours and not sleep.

I have actually cut back on the routine because it was too frustrating for me to lay in a dark room for an hour or two of my "free time" with ds nursing, rolling, kicking me, etc. If I have a baby who will take an hour or two to go to sleep, then I am going to read or watch tv while he does it-- and I don't get mad that way. Maybe that keeps him awake a littl e longer, but I am relaxed and not watching the clock-- my little block of free time ticking away as it gets later and later. Let him nurse and kick his feet for an hour, we are cuddling and watching Sex and the City

: .

 

[tatermom]

My DS (3.5 mos) does the same thing when he gets overtired-- which has been happening a lot lately. Today he cried for over an hour before he finally fell asleep; I just kept trying different things to comfort him but nothing seemed to help until he wore himself out. I'm glad to find this thread because I was starting to feel really bad, that perhaps this was bordering on CIO (even though I was there with him the whole time). But now I think that he is aware even at this young age that I am there for him and trying to help even if I can't. It certainly is frustrating, though! I'm trying much harder to read his sleep cues so I can get him down before it gets to that point. Good luck!