Mothering Forum banner

Is this normal?

656 Views 11 Replies 9 Participants Last post by  flyingspaghettimama
This is about parenting, but it's my issue and not my ds's. I hope this is in the right place mods.
Anyway, is it normal to worry about your child dying or something bad happening to him? Every time I see something on tv (the Adam Walsh kidnapping/murder story for instance) or a drowning or an accident involving a child his age, I start thinking what if it was ds etc.... and I get panicky.

Lately ds has been questioning his own mortality "what happens if I die, will I be gone forever" and seems aware of the danger of beign hurt. Maybe that's why I'm thinking about it too?
I have spoken to him in the past about not going near pools, in the road without mommy or daddy, or how it's important he stay near us in a public place. I try not to scare him too much, but I think at 4 he needs to be aware of these things. I try to give him the facts without seeming too fearful or anxious about it, and to assure him that I will do my utmost to keep him safe. I wonder if he's picking up my vibes though.

So do you think I need therapy?
See less See more
1 - 12 of 12 Posts
Well, I'm in therapy, and I worry like mad about stuff like that. LOL. The way my brain takes over and just runs amok with horrible scenarios is very annoying. Reading Gavin DeBecker's Protecting the Gift helped, it gave me more faith in my own intuition and trusting that my intuition would notify me if something is wrong.
I tend to think this way a lot. Drowning tends to be up there on my list as well. I try not to dwell too much and use those moments of misplaced terror as times to be grateful even at a very difficult age.
Reading Gavin DeBecker's Protecting the Gift helped, it gave me more faith in my own intuition and trusting that my intuition would notify me if something is wrong.
See less See more
Okay, I get the hint, I'll read it

The other day in the mall bathroom he told me that if anyone tried to take him that the space-blaster on his toy car would protect him.
They are so sweet and innocent still.
See less See more
I think it's normal to some extent, although I do it way too much and I think that's actually common too. The media is so sensational with fear, and then I tend to be anxiety prone and worry a lot and get a little ocd and repetitive with these concerns. A therapist I'm seeing calls them "intrusive thoughts." I try to catch them and realize that they're (usually) not a rational fear.

That book IS great. I should reread it, b/c obviously I've been worrying too much.
Kids at that age start to talk about death and killing (not all obviously but it is definitely an age appropriate behavior). He isn't necessarily doing it because you're concerned with it. My dd went through a brief phase where she talked about what is it like to die, what happens when you die, am I going to die, etc.

My advice about therapy is this: if you think you need it, get it. If you think this anxiety is a symptom of generalized anxiety then you should do what makes you most comfortable. I can tell you that while it is perfectly normal to visualize your own children when you hear about a tragedy involving another child, it is not perfectly normal to be fixated on it all day. I'm not saying that you are fixated on it all day, just saying that it would not be a good thing.

The book recommendation is a good one!
I'm definatley anxiety prone. I have chronic health issues which make the future uncertain (I know everyone's is uncertain,lol) so I think that has caused me to shift my worry onto ds for some reason.

Hazelnut, you described it exactly. I'm not crippled by it, but they are definatley intrusive thoughts.

Okay, so I need therapy, I am a very private person, I tried to go to therapy before but just couldn't open up. I didn't feel comfortable at all. I guess I should give it another try.
I think it's fairly normal to worry like that -- I do too. Trust me, I understand!

Two things that may help...
(1) Maybe stop watching TV or reading US news sources
Honestly, since we went TV free and I only get my news from international sources (like BBC online) you don't hear that day to day, sensational, out to catch an audience and scare the begeezes out of you stuff. No following court cases or missing kids or drownings to whatever. You hear the big global stuff, I think that help

(2) Also if I start to worry about "what if" with DS I try to take it SO far that I realize HOW silly it is to worry. Like "oh my, what if DS drowned? What if DS got cancer?" Then I go "What if we walked out the front door and a tree fell on our heads. What if we're sleeping in bed and lightening strikes and gets us? What if we're eating dinner and a drunk driver drives through our dining room and mows us all over?"
You get the idea, you realize that you can scare yourself out of doing ANYTHING - even eating, sleeping, and walking out of the house in the morning if you let yourself. But you still eat, sleep, and walk out of the house in the morning. So take a deep breath and keep going and enjoy the beautiful day to day you and your child share.
See less See more
OakBerry, therapy is a wonderful journey. Make certain that you choose a therapist that you feel comfortable with - if it's not the first one then try another.

Good luck to you.
See, Protecting the Gift didn't do so much for me personally, as there's a verrrry fine line for me between "intuition" and "highly unlikely scenario that COULD happen. Maybe. Possibly. Ok, Probably not." I'd like to think I have an extremely fine-tuned fight or flight response. Except it's not so socially acceptable to offer to fight the Starbuck's barista because you think he's getting frisky.

I like boatbaby's ideas. If you have intrusive thoughts (and I think most of my DDC talked about having worries like this shortly after our babes were born - it's probably an evolutionarily-wise neurosis), you might also consider the fact that you're bored in some way, combined with other stresses? I saw a therapist once who said she frequently saw this issue in imaginative people who didn't have a whole lot else occupying their mental space.

So you might start a website, write a book, get a hobby that requires you to learn a new skill.
1 - 12 of 12 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.