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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi everyone,<br><br>
I am a new mom to an 11 week old beautiful baby girl. I don't have any thoughts of hurting her, but over the past couple weeks I have become somewhat obsessed with a fear of my eventual death (and the death of everyone I love). I cannot cope with it. I had an emergency c-section after 30 hours of labor (I had planned a natural birth and was stunned that it turned out as it did). When I was told I had to have the section I freaked out and told the doctor I was certain that I would die during the surgery. I was so scared...I don't even have words for how scared I was. And as of a couple days ago, I feel that way all day, every day.<br><br>
Amazingly, I'm able to take care of my daughter, and even play with her..smile with her...breastfeed her.<br><br>
I think that there was so much going on after her birth that my brain just didn't have time to freak out. Now that things are becoming more stable, I feel like I'm losing my mind. I feel sick to my stomach. Last night I ran out of bed and ended up on the floor in a ball hyperventilating. I freaked out when my husband was leaving for work today. He stayed home b/c he was so worried. I feel bad that he had to miss work.<br><br>
The other night I looked at my daughter and thought, what has having this baby done to my life? I was never anxious like this. (I do have generalized anxiety disorder as well as major depression though, but I have had it under control for the most part for years). I remembered how normal I felt before...so much more safe. And now I'm just scared...every second of the day.<br><br>
So, my question is... is this just me realizing the circle of life (and freaking out about it) or is this postpartum illness that can be treated? Gosh, I pray it can be helped. Otherwise, I just feel like life is over for me. It's just over.<br><br>
Thanks,<br>
Stephanie
 

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I think that sounds like ppd. That was basically how my ppd started...with intrusive thoughts.<br><br>
I would make an appointment with a therapist or psychiatrist. There are plenty of medications that are totally safe to take while breastfeeding. Zoloft is one of the more popular ones....I'm taking generic Celexa and it has totally helped clear my mind of the intrusive thoughts.<br><br>
PPD is definitely a treatable illness. I hope your feeling better soon.<br><br>
If you feel you need to talk, feel free to pm me.
 

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It sounds to me like the anxiety form of PPD - it's scary, but it's treatable. Definitely call your doctor and see if you can do some counseling too.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
The scary thing is that I'm already on Zoloft and in counseling. But I did increase my therapy visits to weekly, starting next week. And I'm going to see the doc about adjusting the Zoloft.<br><br>
Thanks for your replies. I can't wait to feel normal again. It's just good to hear that it will pass!<br><br>
Stephanie
 

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And Zoloft may no longer be the right med for you. Adjust the dose, and go from there. You are absolutely right to think this may be PPD. Especially with your history of depression. Snuggle that baby girl. Try to only think of (not worry about) today, right now, this very minute. That you are (otherwise) healthy, and she is this beautiful little bundle of pink, who loves you more than anyone could ever express. Your husband clearly cares for your overall wellbeing, staying home from work to make sure you're ok.<br><br>
Being able to function is wonderful but you should not have to live with the intrusive thoughs surrounding death. It will just continue to drag you downward.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 
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