[Mama2Bug]

A little background:

My husband works third shift, twelve hours a day, five or six days a week. I am awake and asleep when he is in order to maximize our time as a family. Our DD is also on this time clock and it is not a problem for us. She gets lots of afternoon sunlight, time with extended family, etc. Don't worry- we're not raising a bat.

The problem is, when my DH is at work, DD and I have a natural "routine" that is based on her needs and what I need to get done. I don't make things happen at a certain time, but often things fall that way on their own. For instance, if I am cooking dinner at 10 pm, she is usually playing on a blanket on the floor during that time for basically the same amount of time each night. When DH is home on his days off, things happen much differently. We may go shopping, or dinner may happen at another time, etc.

We have noticed that DD gets fussier and crankier on the nights that he is home, and we think it may be because her usual routine is disrupted. DH suggested that I make a note of what we do and when, so that we can try to stick to the "schedule" as well as we can when he is home. I have written down our activities (feedings, diaper changes, storytimes) so that I can see what sort of natural patterns we have, but I am afraid that having a more set routine is like putting her on a "schedule."

I want her to feel stable and secure, but I don't want to "ezzo" my baby! I know it isn't exactly the same thing, but I don't want to even get near that method of childrearing, you know? On the other hand, I do want us to be able to enjoy our evenings as a family, rather than have her all fussy and off-kilter.

What do you wise mamas think?

 

[nikirj]

If you were putting baby on a schedule ala Ezzo, then it would be all about *your* needs. As far as I can tell, that isn't what this idea is about.

Figuring out what makes your baby happy and life smooth for everyone is just smart parenting, plain and simple. I think writing down what you've done in a day and how your DD seemed to handle it could be quite valuable. I can also see your DH's point - maybe if you minimize the differences from normal while he is around, she'd be more comfortable with what things you couldn't keep the same.

On the other hand, I've found that having a wildly different routine when DH is around has become a bit of a treat for the kids. They really like it when he has an evening off and can bathe them and read to them - he does it very differently from how I do it.

 

[Shaunam]

We are kind of having the same problem. My DH works 2nd shift (3pm-1am) and DS is adjusted to our late schedule. He is usually asleep by the time DH gets home. On DH's days off, he has a really hard time going to sleep for the night. I think it might be because he doesn't spend as much time with DH as he spends with me, so he gets overexcited.

I try hard to stick to our usual routine and hope for the best. I don't worry too much about a schedule, I just try not to let DS get overtired.

I don't really know what to tell you, but I thought I would let you know that you're not alone.

 

[Mama2Bug]

Thanks for your replies! When she gets older, DD might enjoy the fun "craziness" of having Daddy home for the night, but I think it just messes her up for now. She spends lots of time with him right before he goes to work and when he comes home for lunch, so it isn't that his being there gets her all worked up. It's more that when he is home, we tend to try to cram a whole lot in and it throws off her normal routine. We're a one car family, so all the shopping, running around and visiting gets done on those days.

I think my DH is figuring that a sense of normalcy squished in with all the chaos would help her to feel more secure.

I'm sure he is on the right track. I just wanted to make sure it wouldn't be too rigid. I like a "freestyle" sort of schedule, myself.

: Babies need more structure though, from what I've read.

Thanks for your input!