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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My dd is having a party this weekend for all her classmates. (At least I hope she is...) I spoke to several parents to set a date that everyone had clear, and sent out invitations asking for an RSVP. I have not heard from a single parent; the invitations were sent out last week and the party is this Saturday.<br><br>
I have written a reminder that basically says- don't forget the Aloha 2nd grade party this weekend. Please RSVP by Thursday night at 9 p.m. so I can have an accurate headcount and make sure we have enough snacks for everyone.<br><br>
Do you think it's rude to send a reminder? Personally I think it's rude not to respond to the first invitation, but I really need to know how many kids are coming...
 

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Sending the reminder is fine. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"> It's rude not to RSVP.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>ps4624</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15372468"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Sending the reminder is fine. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"> It's rude not to RSVP.</div>
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yep
 

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I have never received a reminder for a birthday party. Although I did receive one for a baby shower for the first time not long ago. It would be unusual to me, but definitely not rude. That would just let me know that that person is serious about needing to know if we are coming are not.
 

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Did you give a respond-by date the first time... and was it Thursday? Then, yeah, I think it's rude to remind people before that date has come. If in the first invitation you said, "RSVP by Thursday" and you sent out a reminder on Tuesday, then I would say that was not appropriate. If you wanted to know by Tuesday, then you should have stated that the first time.<br><br>
If you didn't tell them the date you wanted their response, then they have until the day of the party to respond and any reminders would be rude. If it has RSVP and no date, then it's considered an open-house invitation and they would like to know before you come... but even if it's the day-of, it's still not rude to respond then. IF the RSVP date isn't specified.<br><br>
After Thursday, sure, I think that it's fine. But if I were having a party on Saturday, I wouldn't have asked to hear from everyone just two days before.<br><br>
Plus it's Mother's Day weekend. Some people are trying to iron out plans, especially when there is more than one "mom" involved.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>ps4624</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15372468"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Sending the reminder is fine. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"> It's rude not to RSVP.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>velochic</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15373274"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Did you give a respond-by date the first time... and was it Thursday? Then, yeah, I think it's rude to remind people before that date has come. If in the first invitation you said, "RSVP by Thursday" and you sent out a reminder on Tuesday, then I would say that was not appropriate. If you wanted to know by Tuesday, then you should have stated that the first time.<br><br>
If you didn't tell them the date you wanted their response, then they have until the day of the party to respond</div>
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On what planet? "Hi, I know you're busying getting ready for the party, but I figure you haven't actually gone shopping or done any cooking yet, so I thought I'd let you know we are(n't) coming." ?? Seriously?<br><br>
The time to RSVP is the day the invitation arrives in your mailbox. You have about 24 hours leeway to check your calendar and consult with your family. That's it.<br><br>
I break that rule all the time, but I know I'm being a mannerless boor.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Rude or not, I sent the reminders today, so we shall see if anyone responds this time. Or offers to bring food. Or offers to help in any other way.<br><br>
This has turned from a friendly let's get our kids together before school is out to a major pain in the butt that I somehow became 100% responsible for. Note to self- don't offer your pool anymore!!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>sapphire_chan</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15374032"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">On what planet? "Hi, I know you're busying getting ready for the party, but I figure you haven't actually gone shopping or done any cooking yet, so I thought I'd let you know we are(n't) coming." ?? Seriously?<br><br>
The time to RSVP is the day the invitation arrives in your mailbox. You have about 24 hours leeway to check your calendar and consult with your family. That's it.<br><br>
I break that rule all the time, but I know I'm being a mannerless boor.</div>
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Planet "Emily Post". <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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I think its rude to not rsvp.. takes only a minute.<br><br>
I would have sent it too.
 

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I would be really frustrated if I were you! I dont think it's rude at all, they probably just weren't taking the RSVP part seriously. I bet some of them were planning on showing up though, but yeah I would be freaking out. Go ahead and send it, they were the rude ones. Are you close enough with any of them that you can facebook them or call them and just ask if they can make it? Maybe invite some family members too so you can know she will still have people show up.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>velochic</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15374629"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Planet "Emily Post". <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"></div>
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<a href="http://www.emilypost.com/everyday/invitation_etiquette.htm" target="_blank">http://www.emilypost.com/everyday/in..._etiquette.htm</a><br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">Reply promptly, within a day or two of receiving an invitation.</td>
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If an invitation happens to have a "reply by X date" on it, you're getting extra time.
 

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It's sort of like how the fact that you can give a wedding gift up to a year after the wedding got twisted into people thinking the thank yous can wait that long.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>waterproofmascara</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15372440"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I have not heard from a single parent; the invitations were sent out last week and the party is this Saturday.<br><br>
I have written a reminder that basically says- don't forget the Aloha 2nd grade party this weekend. Please RSVP by Thursday night at 9 p.m. so I can have an accurate headcount and make sure we have enough snacks for everyone.<br><br>
Do you think it's rude to send a reminder?</div>
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Not rude, necessarily, but pushy to send a reminder prior to the RSVP date. If you can't wait until Thursday, you should have set the reply date to an earlier day.<br><br>
Believe me, I share your frustration with people who don't RSVP. I'm a planner; I don't fly by the seat of my pants. <b>Not knowing</b> drives me nuts. I'm the person who plans outings with friends a week ahead of time, not the day before or that day. I have friends who are very lackadaisical about communicating with me, and it stresses me out sometimes. Frequently, they are those who don't have a lot of commitments outside the home, and their attitude is "whatever" or "whenever." I have kids and work and school, and I NEED TO KNOW!
 

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When I was planning my wedding lo these many years ago, I read some tip somewhere that said, "Assume 60% of those invited to any given event will show up, whether they RSVP or not." I have made that assumption with every gathering I've ever had for the last 10 years and it has always been just about correct.
 

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Thing is, if <b>no one</b> responds, then you have to wonder if you put a major typo in the contact info. Or put the date down as the 18th instead of the 8th. Or didn't put enough postage on and you're going to get a bundle of undelivered invitations in your mailbox as soon as the post office sorts things out.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Thanks for commiserating! I do want to clarify- this is a party that several moms and I spoke about at field day at dd's school, not one that I necessarily planned. The mom's and I were talking about where and when we could have an end of the year party and I graciously offered the use of my pool. They all thought it was an excellent idea so I sent invitations to all the kids in the room so no one would be left out.<br><br>
Despite the fact that I sent the second invitations today, it is after 9 p.m. and I still have not heard from one. single. parent. The kids have been telling dd that they are all coming, but still no parental confirmation.<br><br>
And I was in no way prepared to buy and prepare food for all these kids; from our conversation at field day I thought it would be a potluck kinda thing.<br><br>
This sux all around!
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>sapphire_chan</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15375121"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><a href="http://www.emilypost.com/everyday/invitation_etiquette.htm" target="_blank">http://www.emilypost.com/everyday/in..._etiquette.htm</a><br><br><br><br>
If an invitation happens to have a "reply by X date" on it, you're getting extra time.</div>
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OK, that point I got wrong based on new rules. However, that is not how it is stated in the Emily Post book 14th edition I have on my bookshelf. In my book, it states that if there is no date specified, the host is asking for people to let them know regrets only, otherwise assume they're attending. It looks like today it's more polite to specify "regrets only" based on the internet link you gave. Good info.<br><br>
My book also states that if you give a reply by date, it's rude to bug people before that date. Of course my edition of the book was written before email, but it appears that that has not changed. It is still rude to start emailing people on a Tuesday if you didn't ask for a reply until Thursday.<br><br>
Thanks for taking the time to make sure my points were accurate. Times change. I'll have to buy a more recent edition.
 
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