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Discussion Starter #1
For a child (9 years old) to address an adult with "What are you up to, missy?" or "What are you doing, missy?"
 

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I don't think it's rude, but I haven't heard a 9 year old call an adult "missy" either. Is she saying it in a polite way or.... some other way?
 

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In our house the 'missy' is added on when we know that the girls are doing something they shouldn't. Like, "Hey there, missy. Let's not toss the toothpaste in the toilet!"<br><br>
I don't know that I think it is rude, per say, but it does strike me as odd. Unless the adult was doing something rascally, like not so secretly hiding Easter eggs and gets caught.
 

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It sounds like she is just saying something that she's had said to her many times, and maybe isn't aware of how it sounds. I think it depends on the relationship between the adult and the child--it is too familiar for her to say to acquaintances, but if it was a relative I'd probably be OK with it.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>StephandOwen</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15428893"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I don't think it's rude, but I haven't heard a 9 year old call an adult "missy" either. Is she saying it in a polite way or.... some other way?</div>
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I guess the only times I've heard this, was when adults mildly scold children. I heard it said in a mischivious kind of way, implying that the child is into something forbidden.<br><br>
This was exactly the same way it was said to me, and it struck me as odd. But I haven't heard this expression used in any other way that what I said above. For the record, I was hula hooping in my yard : lol
 

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Discussion Starter #6
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>woodchick</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15428904"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">In our house the 'missy' is added on when we know that the girls are doing something they shouldn't. Like, "Hey there, missy. Let's not toss the toothpaste in the toilet!"</div>
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This is how I heard it too.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">I don't know that I think it is rude, per say, but it does strike me as odd. Unless the adult was doing something rascally, like not so secretly hiding Easter eggs and gets caught.</td>
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I don't know, would you say it to an adult? I've never heard this expression being used towards an adult, by another adult, unless they are very close friends and are teasing each other.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Viola</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15428915"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">It sounds like she is just saying something that she's had said to her many times, and maybe isn't aware of how it sounds. I think it depends on the relationship between the adult and the child--it is too familiar for her to say to acquaintances, but if it was a relative I'd probably be OK with it.</div>
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Definitely an acquintance. It just struck me as odd, the way it was said. But since English is not our family language we don't use this expression per se, so I wasn't sure.
 

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I don't think it's rude...I'd probably laugh.
 

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Maybe not rude, but inappropriate.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Viola</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15428915"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">It sounds like she is just saying something that she's had said to her many times, and maybe isn't aware of how it sounds. I think it depends on the relationship between the adult and the child--it is too familiar for her to say to acquaintances, but if it was a relative I'd probably be OK with it.</div>
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I agree with this totally.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Viola</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15428915"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">It sounds like she is just saying something that she's had said to her many times, and maybe isn't aware of how it sounds. I think it depends on the relationship between the adult and the child--it is too familiar for her to say to acquaintances, but if it was a relative I'd probably be OK with it.</div>
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I agree with this.<br><br>
I bet she hear it said to her and she doesn't feel it wrong to say to others.
 

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Honestly, I don't really like hearing that from anyone to anyone. It just sounds patronizing to me.
 

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Unless the person being addressed's name is Missy - it's at the very least odd. But honestly, she may have no idea that it might be considered rude. If she said it in a rude way (tone, inflection, etc.), then I'd consider it pretty rude, otherwise I'd just consider it odd/mildly rude.
 

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I use "missy" with dd sometimes, and she has said it to me, in a funny, light-hearted way ("Come on, missy, put down that newspaper and get me to dance class"). I never considered that she might have said it at some point to another adult, but now you have me wondering <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"> .....<br><br>
For us, it's just another diminutive, nickname, etc., like sweetie, buddy, petunia...Thinking about it, I realized we use a lot of them. We deliberately chose names for the children that couldn't be shortened to nicknames. I guess as a result, we use a lot of substitutes instead.
 

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Discussion Starter #15
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MusicianDad</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15429551"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Honestly, I don't really like hearing that from anyone to anyone. It just sounds patronizing to me.</div>
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K, i guess this is my problem! I also find it patronizing.<br><br>
But i'm glad it wasn't outright rude for the girl to address me this way!
 

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I don't really know about it coming from a 9yo, because my oldest is 6, but...it does sound a bit patronizing, but I don't think that the girl meant it that way. It was probably patronizing when it was said to her, and she is repeating without the understanding of patronization, or the appropriateness of addressing an adult that way. For what it's worth, I do occasionally say "missy" to DDs, and I don't think I'm being patronizing, as I don't use it to scold, just to check-in with what they're doing. I just as often call them "little Miss." I tend to think that most 9yo kids I know would know not to speak to an adult that way...either way it doesn't seem it was meant as an insult.
 

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Kids that age are, a lot of the time, coming into their own and experimenting with language. I think that it's normal for them to takelanguage that has previously been only receptive (like they've gotten it FROM others) and try it out in the expressive modalities.<br><br>
I don't know how many times I've had to pull students aside and have the, "Yes, I know you heard that word in your older sibling's rap music, but do you know what it means and should you really be shouting it gleefully during PE class?" conversation at around that age.<br><br>
I remember my own awkward fifth-grade attempts at using profanity. They were... less than effective <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">.<br><br>
So yeah, on an adult level, it'd probably be rude. In this case I'd probably call it slightly annoying pre-pubescent linguistic experimentation. If I knew the child well, I'd probably gently explain that that's not really how fellow adults refer to each other (which would give her the ego boost of being on your level, even if it's just for the sake of the conversation) and discuss other creative ways to address people. If it was someone I didn't know well, I'd let it go.
 

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I still remember hearing my 4 year old crooning to her newborn sister, "You'll just have to suffer, you'll just have to suffer." She was rubbing the baby's tummy trying to comfort her in the car after the crying had started. I was all, "oh no, why would you say that?" And she replied, "Daddy says that to me when I cry."
 
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