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Is this too harsh of a punishment?

11K views 203 replies 68 participants last post by  anonymamadaddy 
i would consider it quite harsh.

when we expect our over-tired toddlers to be on their best behavior, we're setting them up for failure. they really only have just so much control at that age...

if she threw her fit well-rested, that might be a different story. but i'd still just ignore it...
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by thismama View Post
Well, I think consequences are a good thing. The problem with no 'punishment', aka no consequences, is that what can end up happening is the parent is the only one dealing with the actual, real consequences. Our job is to shield our children, so when they freak out and run in the street, we chase them and grab them back from danger. When they colour all over the walls, we pay the damage deposit. They don't suffer the true consequences of their actions, as well they shouldn't.

But this fact has to be considered in dealing with children's behaviour, because otherwise a serious imbalance is established.

(btw, I edited my last post. could you edit to match? tx.)
no punishment does NOT equate to no consequences.

punishment is often arbitrary and tossed in for any action that a child does that is not acceptable to the parent...whether the child KNEW that it wasn't allowed, or not. consequences are what happens as a direct result of the child's actions...and they generally know exactly what will take place.

natural consequences are even better...as they need no implementing.
 
for the record, i don't just stand there and let my four-year-old beat on me, either...but i DO recognize that she can't control herself.

i'll restrain her arms, or leave the room if she's trying to hit me...and let her know that hitting is NEVER acceptable. she can beat her bed or the ground all day long.

knowing that something is natural and gonna happen...and riding through it...is not the same thing as just "accepting" being hit.

everything's a learning experience.
 
i don't necessarily think that a child "wants" to do the right thing...not at first.

a child craves approval and attention. if they aren't getting positive attention and approval...they'll learn to go after negative attention.

that's when you have a problem...
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by thismama View Post
I disagree. The children I know get *tons* of positive attention and approval. And still behave horribly. The parents are pushovers and ineffective.

When I watch these same children, they are better, although still fairly unpleasant. I take less crap.
then i would think that their parents, maybe unintentionally...are reinforcing their bad behavior.

if a child throws a fit, and mama gives them what they wants to shut them up...they've just reinforced the fit. that is, of course, a cut and dry example...many others are not so easy to see.

positive attention has to be met with discipline (please don't read punishment, i'm more for behavioral methods).
 
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