[love being mama]

My 6 yr old is getting very opinionated and "defiant" and has the attitude of a 13 yr old sometimes complete wtih rolling eyes. She's all into pouting and stomping feet and yelling how she HATES this and HATES that. What happened to my very sweet and agreeable 5 yr old??

I'm wondering if this is just normal 6 yr old stuff, looking for greater independence or if there is something deeper that is makign her angry. Or maybe she's just not getting enough sleep with later summer nights (she does sleep in somewhat though).

Anyway, I have a bookshelf full of parenting books - but they are all baby ones, or birth to 3 or so. Any recommendations for books for school age parenting and also any ideas on how to encourage healthier expression? I'm all for expressing emotions, but I do think a 6 yr old whose never been prone to temper tantrums can exhibit a bit more self control to express things better. She always has before.... She's currently making herself miserable so this is not working.

 

[purplerose]

Here's my experience...I have 3 daughters and all 3 started this behavior right as they turned 6. My neice's mother talked to me one day also, saying when her daughter turned 6 it was like she turned into a teenager. Long ago, I picked this age as the hardest for me LOL I don't have any books or real advice for you, just commiseration Try to see all the good stuff and remain calm and understanding. And above all, don't laugh at them when their antics get funny because that really pisses them off and then you don't love them and you aren't fair.

 

[purplerose]

Also- having a 16 and 14 year old, the angst and outbursts of them at age 6 would be very comparable to their PMS behavior now. At least my 16 year old admits she "over-reacts" sometimes.

 

[slugmom]

my 6yo is very defiant, or as i prefer to think of it: she's individuating. she acts like a teenager, has started talking about boys, wants to wear makeup and get her ears pierced etc.

i think a big part of it is that she started kindergarten last year and has been seeing how the older children act. the one thing that has really bothered me is the exclusion among the girls at the playground. things are getting really clique-y and i'm trying to figure out how to handle it. on the one hand i think it's great that she's developing a circle of friends with whom she shares common interests and activities. on the other hand they can get pretty catty.

anyone else experiencing this? any tips?

thanks

 

[kayleesmom]

wow we are in for it.

 

[yentroc]

This book: http://www.amazon.com/Your-Six-Year-Old-Louise-Bates-Ames/dp/0440506743/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1313466796&sr=8-1

just saved my marbles. I was really losing it with my six year old. I had no idea six was going to be this rough! I'm almost done with the book and have soooo much more patience for my dd knowing developmentally what she's going through. Good luck!

 

[madskye]

Thanks for posting this. I was trying to post something in the GD thread, and I realized my question wasn't really about discipline, it's about what the heck is going on with her personality???!! A lot of the same things you are all posting--she wants to be more grown up than she is. She's very blase and negative about everything--even things I know that she likes. I'm having a really hard time staying positive. And I don't know how to respond. I feel like I need to make her understand that being so negative and pillish is not OK, but I can't really get through to her.

One thing I say, that I think does work, is :

"You choose how you behave. You choose to be mean or nice. You can choose to be happy."

It makes her mad, but she does seem to think about.

 

[gramma-mom]

Thanks all for writing your experiences. I'm raising my 6-year old granddaughter and her "teenagery" behavior has been very concerning and frustrating. I was thinking it has to do with our situation. I don't remember my daughter being like this at 6... definitely at 9.. I think the commenter who mentioned that they are new to school and older kids seems to be on the mark.

My granddaughter talks about the older kids and talks like them too. When she calm I talked to her about it and we have come up with some clues when the "nasties" start... sometimes it works sometimes it just seems it has to come out.

 

[Mylie]

My L just turned 5 and she is in Kindergarden and she is my granddaughter also that I am raising and she is trying this..And I am curbing it now..the eyerolling and defiant attitude got her sent to her room..I am all about communication and talking but I do not talk or look at her in this manner and I do not take it from her either..

Last night she was over tierd and I asked her to put her dolls away..She looked at me and stomped her foot and YELLED I don't want to...I walked right over got down on my knees and looked her right in her eyes..I told her in in a very low but super firm voice that I was the mom and she would not talk to me like that or she would go straight to her bed with no story or me lying down with her..I told her talking like that is just ugly and it would really hurt her feeling if I said that to her..And I always ask her if she has heard me..And she usually has backed down by then..And then she will say Yes Ma'm..And usually later when it is bedtime she will say she is sorry and we will talk again about being respectful ect...Just because we feel bad,tierd or even angry inside doesn't mean we can be ugly to others...

It happens once or twice a week..I figure like the OP that she is growing and being in school seeing other behaviors and trying out her "wings" if you will..But I figure if I am constant with what I expect we will be okay...At least for now

It is nice to another grandmother on here that is raising grandkids..Thought I was all alone....