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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi, I hope this is in the right section. I am new to this. here's my question.<br><br>
I am a step dad to a 12yr boy<br>
My wife for 9yrs. I think is babying her 12 son. He lives in a split household<br>
2 days on and off. Ever night he is here. My wife lay's down with him at bed time. She isn't reading to him. they call it snuggle time.<br>
I can say the boy is very needy and very clingy with his mother.<br>
is this normal. I know his dad isn't snuggling with him til he falls asleep.<br>
I know when i was 12 all i wanted to snuggle with was girls my own age<br>
Any advise or suggestions.
 

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well, as long as they are both comfortable with it, then yes, I do think it is fine.<br><br>
ETA:<br>
I am curious though. What *is* it that makes this uncomfortable for you?
 

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Personally, I don't think its a big deal. I mean if he can't fall asleep without his mom then I think that is probably unusual but I dont have a 12 year old son. As for her spending time with her son, I dont see anything wrong with her having some quality time with her child...I think its' actually nice that she has a close relationship with him.
 

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I see nothing wrong with it. Even 12 yo boys need snuggle time with their mom sometimes. If they both enjoy it then there's really no reason to stop it.
 

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12 is a hard age. They look and act pretty mature in a lot of ways, but they're still kids. I'm 41 so most of my friends have kids older than mine, and it seems like all the kids of that general age have their own "babyish" things - some like to have lullabies sung to them at bedtime still, some like bedtime stories, some like "snuggle time" like that. I think it's normal.
 

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My son at 12 still loved snuggles, he outgrew it after turning 13. I would be more weirded out by a 12 yo who was already thinking about making out. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>becoming</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/13266658"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Honestly, it doesn't really sound entirely "normal" to me, but everyone's normal is different.</div>
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This says what I was thinking.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>becoming</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/13266658"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Honestly, it doesn't really sound entirely "normal" to me, but everyone's normal is different.</div>
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I agree!
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Well, thanks for your input<br><br>
Freefromitall: I just thought it was weird. He sleeps at his buddies house a couple times a month.Never any call for mom to go get him. unless his buddies mom is snuggling with him...lol J/k
 

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I still snuggled with my mom until I was about 13. I liked to cuddle at night before bed. Heck, I still do, only now I cuddle with my DS. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy">:<br><br>
I was a very attached little girl. I don't think what you describe is weird at all.<br><br>
I wasn't interested in snuggling with boys my own age until around 15. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll">: Everyone develops at their own rate. I'd be surprised if your step son is still getting his nightly snuggles in 10 years. Try not to give him a complex about it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Apple Girl</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/13267705"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I still snuggled with my mom until I was about 13. I liked to cuddle at night before bed. Heck, I still do, only now I cuddle with my DS. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy">:<br><br>
I was a very attached little girl. I don't think what you describe is weird at all.<br><br>
I wasn't interested in snuggling with boys my own age until around 15. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll">: Everyone develops at their own rate. I'd be surprised if your step son is still getting his nightly snuggles in 10 years. Try not to give him a complex about it.</div>
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who said, i even said anything to the boy. I'll re-read my post and get back to <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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Ya know, maybe he is on the cusp. He knows it isn't "cool" to snuggle with mom anymore, so he isn't going to tell his friends and call her up when he is over at their place, he is going to be a "man" and be a tough guy. On the other hand, he is still a child, and snuggling with mom gives him a bit of quality time where he can fall asleep in a calm, serene, accepting atmosphere. At some point in a few years or less, he is probably going to start being interested in girls, at which point he will push mom away a little bit, even if his heart aches for the "good old times." This age is a real tough one. I remember my friends son, at 12 he made a valentine card, and I asked whom it was for, and it was for the one he loved the most, his mom. Just a year later I asked his mom if she got a card and he said something, which now I can't remember, but the tone was ew, ick, why would he make his mom a valentines card?
 

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I snuggle every night with my son and will be very sad when it ends. But he is only 2. I am truly not sure how I feel about it. I keep wondering if all our gut reactions of support for her actions would be the same if we reversed the genders? If my husband was snuggling his 12 yr old daughters to sleep I would not be happy and if I came here wondering if it was normal, what kind of answers would I receive? I am NOT saying in anyway that she is crossing any lines--only looking at it from another angle<br><br>
If when my son is 12 and expresses that he needs snuggles I would not and could not say no--especially if it was a split home situation. Those are hard on all children. I don't think you can blame him for needing extra comfort. There might be things he does with his dad (maybe not cuddles) that give him the extra reassurance that he needs and he might not share those with his friends either.<br><br>
Ya this one is tough.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mamamirranda</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/13274617"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I keep wondering if all our gut reactions of support for her actions would be the same if we reversed the genders? If my husband was snuggling his 12 yr old daughters to sleep I would not be happy and if I came here wondering if it was normal, what kind of answers would I receive?</div>
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That wouldn't bother me, either. People like to be touched and held, and I don't think that goes away at puberty, yk?
 

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<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mamamirranda</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/13274617"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I keep wondering if all our gut reactions of support for her actions would be the same if we reversed the genders? If my husband was snuggling his 12 yr old daughters to sleep I would not be happy and if I came here wondering if it was normal, what kind of answers would I receive? I am NOT saying in anyway that she is crossing any lines--only looking at it from another angle</div>
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No problems with daddy/daughter snuggles here. They happen quite often.
 

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I think it's wonderful. I hope my boys still think I'm cool enough to snuggle with at that age. It's setting a loving, affectionate example of womanhood for him to compare future relationships with.
 

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<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Datura</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/13275043"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think it's wonderful. I hope my boys still think I'm cool enough to snuggle with at that age. It's setting a loving, affectionate example of womanhood for him to compare future relationships with.</div>
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Agreed.<br><br>
DS is 6 and still loves to snuggle, I <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> it<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> And I hope he will want to for many more years to come.<br><br>
My aunt & uncle had a family bed for many, many years. My cousins, both boys, 21 & 19 now, stayed in their bed untill about 12yo. They are the most well adjusted, sweet, & caring guys I know.
 
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