[Strockwife]

Hi! I'm new here. Haven't had a chance to really look at the posts and stuff, so forgive me!<br><br>
I have to vent. A family member chooses to "discipline" her 4 year-old by putting him in a cold shower, I believe with clothes on, and making him stand in it. She also has very strigent, involved rules for him that even I couldn't remember to follow if had to!!!<br><br>
Grrr... The irony is that she and another family member recently reported us for "abuse" because we're vegetarian and because I gave my pre-teen a tiny sip of alcohol. (Nothing came of it, by the way. The case manager made it known she was appalled that she had to waste her time on us when there were other places she could be. I understand, I'm actually going to do my field placement as a child protective services worker!!)<br><br>
Thanks for "listening!!"<br><br>
-C.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/winner.jpg" style="border:0px solid;" title="BFSymbol">

 

[*LoveBugMama*]

Wow. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
How incredibly sad. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> Yeah, I would say that that`s abusive. But, being a Norwegian living in Norway, I don`t know what is and is not considered abuse in your country.<br><br>
Regardless, I think that was a terrible thing to do to a child. My heart breaks thinking about that poor little guy.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">

 

[alexsam]

It would probably be considered abuse here in the US, but to get "action" on it, there would have to be a stronger case- more going on.<br><br><br>
I feel so sorry for the little guy.

 

[prettypixels]

Man, that is just... MEAN. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> Yes, I find it abusive too. I'm sure it's accompanied by yelling and all kinds of bad stuff too. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">

 

[UnschoolnMa]

It sure is abusive by my standards. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> Holy crap.<br><br>
In my state you might be able to make a case for that based on humiliation/emotional/mental abuse, but it just depends. I am unsure how it would go in your state. As far as I am concerned, it's abusive plain and simple.

 

[UUMom]

Pretty blatant abuse at that.

 

[gwynthfair]

That's so cruel. Can you elaborate on the rules he has to follow? That sounds strange too.

 

[umsami]

I think it's mean and just weird. Wonder what sort of issues the kid will have when he's older regarding water or showers?<br><br>
I believe the state I live in is pretty clear on what they'll consider abuse... and as this doesn't leave a mark, I don't think they'd consider it abusive. As it's a family member, I might try talking to them... or sharing a book with them. Another option would be to invite them to attend a GD parenting seminar with you.<br><br>
One thing I've noticed is that some people really don't know what rules a child is developmentally able to follow... and to what regard (with reminders or not). If the child is a boy, I would recommend giving the Mom any of Michael Gurian's books. I have the book "The Good Son" and what I love about it is he'll tell you what is normal behavior based on age... and what rules they can and cannot reasonably follow.

 

[Janelovesmax]

Oh My Gosh.<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">:

 

[ggs]

Sounds abusive to me. That is horrible. 4 years old?? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">:

 

[kkeris]

To a 4 yo child??? Yes, in my books that is abusive, horrible and incredibly unkind behaviour. I cannot imagine anyone doing that in the name of 'discipline'.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:

 

[Genesis]

That IS abusive, and disgusting. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:<br><br>
Poor baby. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">

 

[ChrisR]

I do consider that to be abusive. How sad.

 

[CaraNicole]

Reminds me of some books I read a few years ago... The series was "A child called it" That poor child, If you have seen this happen with your own eyes (it wasn't clear to me in your post) Please call the authorities.

 

[bigeyes]

Yes.<br><br>
I read somewhere about a religious cult doing that to members when they didn't do what they were told, but I don't recall which one.<br><br>
awful. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">

 

[elizawill]

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Ströckwife</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8897180"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Hi! I'm new here. Haven't had a chance to really look at the posts and stuff, so forgive me!<br><br>
I have to vent. A family member chooses to "discipline" her 4 year-old by putting him in a cold shower, I believe with clothes on, and making him stand in it. She also has very strigent, involved rules for him that even I couldn't remember to follow if had to!!!<br><br>
-C.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/winner.jpg" style="border:0px solid;" title="BFSymbol"></div>
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i've got to say....i read A LOT of posts here about what people think is abuse and come here to get insight, but this is hands down one of the most disturbing for me so far. it is SO wrong on so many levels imo. it's not just physical abuse, but it's SO controlling and extremely humiliating and shameful to a child.<br><br>
WHY WHY WHY WHY would anyone do such a terrible thing to a sweet God given gift????? i mean - it's a child! i can't fathom it. literally. i am so sad for that sweetie.

 

[firemommaof1]

<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">: I would never do that to my child! Poor thing.

 

[Music-mommy]

I think that is actually worse than spanking, because spanking is over quickly. It's often a an instictive reaction, and a reaction by a parent who doesn't have the tools to know what to do other than spank... Whereas doing this is kind of like pre-meditated abuse...really shows that you are unstable as a parent and this to me would be similar to physical torture, locking a kid in a room, tieing him up to his bed etc... I mean to put a kid in a shower and turn it on cold, you'd have to stand there and hold him in place correct? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:<br><br>
That is beyond "discipline" it is actually sick.<br><br>
Unfortunately I doubt that it would ever stand up as abuse in any court of law.<br><br>
In fact I have a friend whose children have been sexually abused by their dad, repeatedly..., and my friend was not able to keep him from having visitation or to bring him up on criminal charges, because there was no hard "proof" that he had abused them.

 

[elizawill]

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Music-mommy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8901575"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think that is actually worse than spanking, because spanking is over quickly. It's often a an instictive reaction, and a reaction by a parent who doesn't have the tools to know what to do other than spank... Whereas doing this is kind of like pre-meditated abuse...really shows that you are unstable as a parent and this to me would be similar to physical torture, locking a kid in a room, tieing him up to his bed etc... I mean to put a kid in a shower and turn it on cold, you'd have to stand there and hold him in place correct? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:<br></div>
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<br>
yes - that's how i feel about it too. it's so incredibly disturbing to me.

 

[AntoninBeGonin]

<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Music-mommy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8901575"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I mean to put a kid in a shower and turn it on cold, you'd have to stand there and hold him in place correct? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:<br></div>
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Probably only the first few times, until his little spirit is crushed <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bawling.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bawl">. That scenario is heartbreaking.<br><br>
I think definition of child abuse should be, "If I did this to another adult, would they hit me across the head while calling me a 'freaking maniac'?" If the answer is yes, then it's abuse.