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277 Posts
A little background- DH has 2 kids from a previous marriage (12 and 14), they live with their mom and we all get along fine. DH and I have been together for 11.5 years, married for 10.5 so I have always been step mom. His son has MAJOR aggression issues (yelling, screaming, irrational behavior, physical violence) , his mom didn't do anything about it until last year, now he has all these DX- oppositional difiance disorder, ADHD, etc... on major meds etc. His step dad is a control freak and eggs him on as do his half siblings there. And BM (bio-mom) is often all talk no action. Their whole family is in counseling. Back in dec BM called and asked if he could come live with us in Jan. I was not very comfortable with the situation- new baby coming and all but, agreed as his Dh's son, my only stipulations were he be allowed to unschool with our family and we stop paying child support. The school part was OK, but DH got mad that I mentioned $- well we can't afford to add a 12 yo boy to our family and still pay her CS!. In addition, the reality of the situation is- *I* would be his primary caregiver as DH is here very little. Well of course, he never came b/c BM is all talk.
FF- tonight she called and asked if he could come live here after school is out. Normally both Sk's come for 4 weeks in the summer- she wants him here all summer- 8 weeks. Dh got all excited and started talking about all the summer camps and baseball we could sign him up for (never mind he was just squaking about $$ for odd's piano lessons) and I said it's fine if he lives here but since again *I* will be doing ALL the extra work, I am not interested in driving him all over town with 4 other kids, and I didn't want to talk about it until after the baby comes and then only if it was really going to happen.
DH got all irritated and said "fine I won't work all summer" or something equally stupid... and acted like I was being unreasonable, am I? I think I am being very open minded about letting a physically violent preteen in my hosue with a 3 little kids & new baby but maybe I am not?? I am overwhelmed with the thought of 4 kids- let alone adding another one who has problems...
Opinions?
FF- tonight she called and asked if he could come live here after school is out. Normally both Sk's come for 4 weeks in the summer- she wants him here all summer- 8 weeks. Dh got all excited and started talking about all the summer camps and baseball we could sign him up for (never mind he was just squaking about $$ for odd's piano lessons) and I said it's fine if he lives here but since again *I* will be doing ALL the extra work, I am not interested in driving him all over town with 4 other kids, and I didn't want to talk about it until after the baby comes and then only if it was really going to happen.
DH got all irritated and said "fine I won't work all summer" or something equally stupid... and acted like I was being unreasonable, am I? I think I am being very open minded about letting a physically violent preteen in my hosue with a 3 little kids & new baby but maybe I am not?? I am overwhelmed with the thought of 4 kids- let alone adding another one who has problems...
Opinions?