Mothering Forum banner

1 - 11 of 11 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
400 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
<p>on the heels of my previous post about being sick and ex taking his time to go to meditation class instead of coming to get the toddler so sick Mum could rest and sick toddler could have a healthy parent caring for her...</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I give you THIS:</p>
<p> </p>
<p>[ key pieces of information: Ryan is 8 yrs old, almost 9. Maturity of a 4 yr old most days and energy level through the fricking ROOF. I mean this kid is a spaz, always running around, noisy, always chasing the toddler and she falls down running away, always into things, always loud. YOU KNOW when Ryan has arrived in the driveway b/c you can HEAR him through the yard, through closed windows and doors as he slams open the door full speed. Dylan is my 10 yr old DS)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He has balls to seriously ask me this today:</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Text from Rob this AM:</p>
<p> </p>
<p><strong>Weird, it always seems to snow when I have kids   :/</strong></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Text from Rob just now:</p>
<p> </p>
<p><strong>How is Dylan? Is Ryan still ok to go over? He has been asking for a month... Actually six weeks. I need to know soon as I have to et Alice to the memorial service for Julie. Is over night for Ryan an option? Up to you</strong>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Andrea Response: (yay me for self restraint)</p>
<p> </p>
<p><strong>My whole house is cery sick.</strong></p>
<p><strong>Dylan still coughing and is pale.</strong></p>
<p><strong>Becca slept poorly last night, waking me frequently asking for water. Gave Tylenol 2x, threw up this morning from mucus.</strong></p>
<p><strong>Ted has already mentioned to Kerry I should probably not be here as I have no colour in my face and keep my door closed to drown coughing.  I am coughing so hard it is tripping my gag reflex. Denise will probably have it by tomorrow.</strong></p>
<p><strong>We will have to try another time.</strong></p>
<p><strong>Becca and I both running feveres over 102 off and on since last night.</strong></p>
<p><strong>Snow for entire weekend forecast and into Tuesday.</strong></p>
<p><strong>I will keep sick baby. She isn't sleeping well, waking frequently last night crying and asking for water and has head ouchies (headaches.).</strong></p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>OMFG. I am SICK and he couldn't take Boo last night and went to meditation class and now he wants me to take Ryan overnight for a playdate??? He KNOWS I am sick, I YELLED at him about being so sick I could barely move and how he chose to go to mediation class instead of coming to get our sick toddler for even just the evening so I could rest, get some sleep, have a cool shower. ANYTHING.<br><br>
WHAT THE FUCK????????????</p>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,475 Posts
<p>he is selfish. soon you will move and know not to count on him anymore.  I am sorry.</p>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,697 Posts
<p>Perhaps it would help if you just completely removed all expectation from his...man...as he is completely and FULLY self-centered and thoughtless. It won't change him or anything, but it would help you not be so shocked when he acts like this.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And FTR, go ahead and rip him a new one.</p>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
735 Posts
<p><span><img alt="yeahthat.gif" id="user_yui_3_4_1_2_1329517501919_161" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/yeahthat.gif"> what they said. Expect NOTHING, and then you can be pleasantly surprised <span style="text-decoration:line-through;">when</span> if he does something right, otherwise you will just be angry and frustrated all the time, which is unhealthy for you and absolutely meaningless for him.</span></p>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,345 Posts
<p>You might want to say an actual "no" to his request b/c if you don't, he might "accidentally" drop Ryan off and tell you "Oh, I thought you said you were sick meaning you are home, so it's okay. I thought he would be a big help with the other sick kids." Or something else insanely stupid and selfish, but in his mind him being benevolent.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This guy, Rob, is robbing you of your energy. Intentionally. I would stop feeding him info. Your life is not his business anymore, not even your health. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hope you feel better soon and move asap!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Do you know that song "I'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair"? I would be singing that every hour until I've moved away.</p>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
400 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
<p>Thanks guys. I am just... astounded. I am absolutely gobsmacked that he knows I am THIS SICK (as in blurry eyed, exhausted, pale, puffy face, cough, doped up on cold pills and cough syrup and Otravin and vitamins) and he would still think this is a good weekend for a playdate?</p>
<p><br>
Really?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I haven't heard a word from him since.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Apparently Becca is really clingy, no more vomitting, hot and wants warm apple juice (cut with water) and a lap and to watch Tarzan and Nemo over and over again.</p>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,405 Posts
<p>I will tell you the phrase that has made the biggest difference in my life "I don't explain myself"   No explanations of anything to XH if I can help it, it only gives him fodder for an argument (even when he actually agrees with me) and makes me feel defensive. Just answer the question "no, that doesn't work for me, we'll have to plan it for another time when we are not sick" It takes practice, especially when you used to be able to have detailed conversations with someone, but that time is over and now is the time for keeping all answers short and to the point.</p>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,186 Posts
<p>I am sorry you are all feeling so ill!</p>
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
6,309 Posts
You need to disengage. Seriously. Do not have these conversations with him.<br><br>
If he asks you to keep the baby during his time say no. Don't fix things for him anymore - if he has child care, great, otherwise he needs to find it. If he wants his older child to babysit, great - none of your business quite frankly. It's really hard to let go of control when your child is with their other parent but you have to. You will go mad trying to be everything to everyone otherwise.<br><br>
Disengage. Dodge the bullets, become passive aggressive. Anything but telling him the intimate details of your life - its none of his business anymore. Same with you - what he does with his time is none of your business. If what he does with his time bothers you, intentionally ignore him and cut him off anytime he starts telling you, "uh oh, dinners burning! Gotta go!! Bye!" or some variation.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,345 Posts
<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>The Harpy</strong> <a href="/community/t/1345539/it-just-keeps-getting-better-and-better#post_16881317"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br><p>Thanks guys. I am just... astounded. I am absolutely gobsmacked that he knows I am THIS SICK (as in blurry eyed, exhausted, pale, puffy face, cough, doped up on cold pills and cough syrup and Otravin and vitamins) and he would still think this is a good weekend for a playdate?</p>
<p><br>
Really?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I haven't heard a word from him since.</p>
</div>
</div>
<p><br>
Below is a pic of my ex tailgating before a football game with his college buddies while I was home absolutely bedridden with a broken back at 5 or 6 wks pregnant. He didn't even tell me he was going until he was walking out the door. No kiss goodbye, no offer to pack me a lunch (in fact he refused to since he didn't want to be late for TAILGATING!!!). He did offer me a hamburger when he got home and had leftovers that someone told him to take home for his poor bedridden wife. I had no one to help take care of me and he would leave me alone for days at a time. On the night before my surgery 2 mos later, he threw his wedding ring in the trash and left me all alone.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p><a class="H-lightbox-open" href="http://www.mothering.com/community/content/type/61/id/882800/width/600/height/375/flags/" target="_blank"><img alt="Picture 2.png" class="lightbox-enabled" data-id="237542" data-type="61" src="http://www.mothering.com/community/content/type/61/id/237542/width/600/height/375" style="; width: 600px; height: 375px"></a></p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>A year later my therapist was still trying to get me to realize that he really didn't care about me, my feelings, or what I thought of him. 6 mos later, I finally got it through my skull and quit expecting him to act like a decent human being. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Save yourself some time and money on a therapist. Your ex has a similar mindset to mine, and is totally narcissistic. I'm sorry he's such a jerk, but it's not your fault and there's nothing you could do to get him to treat you any better. He's not interested in being a nice guy. He's only hoping that other people will still think he is one. </p>
 
1 - 11 of 11 Posts
Top