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So Elle has been having a crabby week and I am really tired and I just don't know what to do anymore to make her happy. Do you think my dh could help out a little? NOPE!!! Last night she was having her extreamly crabby time around 1 am and so my dh says "I'm going to bed" Ok fine, he worked all day whatever. So about an hour later (Elle still awake and miserable) I notice dh still has the bedroom light on. So we go over to the door and there he is laying in bed, reading his book, EATING A CHOCOLATE BAR <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hopmad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hopping mad"> He then asks me "what's wrong with her" Well if I knew what was wrong dosen't he think I would fix it? I was just sooo annoyed with the whole situation. It must be nice to leave your job for the day and then come home and DO NOTHING!!! Don't get me wrong I can handle Elle in all her crabby glory <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"> but his blatent refusal to help me out is disgusting. If he was not tired enough to go to sleep then he could have been up with me. Then this morning Elle woke up around 7:30 (after going to sleep at 2:30 :yawning: ) and she stayed up until 9:30. Well when dh woke up he made all kinds of noise and woke us up <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry"> He then comes to the bedroom door and says "I'll be back later" Today is his day off and where is he going? OUT WITH HIS FRIENDS!!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/rant.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rant">: So I tell him I need him to pay our car payment at the office (because it will be late otherwise) and he says "OMG that is not by where I am going!!!! WELL DON'T COUNT ON ME BEING BACK ANY TIME SOON" The office is about 20 minuets from where he is going (an hour away) but now he is going to stay out all friggen day to punnish me? I HATE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!<br>
Amy
 

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Ahh, women's work is never done...<br><br>
Doesn't it sometimes seem that men's lives don't change when babies arrive? I mean, I had to give up my job, I can't take a trip to the store without it being a big event, I can't even sleep 2 hours in a row while dh sleeps a whole night!<br><br>
Maybe you could explain that you're far too tired now for housework, cooking and/or sex.
 

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i hear ya. sometimes when ds gets fussy dh will look up from his video game and say "what's wrong wih him?" uhhhh, i dunno - i've been a parent exactly as long as you have. i still haven't delivered the instruction manual yet.<br><br>
though, i'll admit, now that dh is deployed i'd love to have him here to ask me that.
 

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hmph...Sounds like he needs to grow up, Amy.<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">
 

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Since it's so nice to be him, may I suggest that if there's any way in which you expend energy solely to make his life easier, you quit?<br><br>
People don't get motivated to change until it becomes uncomfortable to continue with the status quo.<br><br>
Good luck.
 

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Mine is the same way! I will say that he is always working, though. Recently w/ me being PG w/ #2, I have been too tired to do alot. It just goes undone <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> I don't have any advice, and just not doing anything only seems to make the mess worse <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug"> I have tried numerous ways to get thru to him, writing him a letter, talking calmly, yelling <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> It seems I have to become a super b*tch to get anything accomplished. Later I tell him I don't like acting like that, but I don't seem to have a choice. I really think he knows that he is like this, but he does not have the ability to come into the house and see what needs done. It seems best if I give him very clear, simple instructions (and yes, he does grumble). Something like "Take DD to the basement for 20 minutes so I can start supper and the dishes. If you don't, I'm not cooking." Good Luck! I know most of this is just a vent, and I hope your day is getting better. Having a cranky baby is no fun <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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I am just baffled that on his day off he would go out ALL DAY with his friends, just out of the blue.<br><br>
Dh occasionally has these LAN parties for 4-6 hours, but I always know about them far in advance. He is always telling me to get out of the house by myself, and it's a standing rule that I get to grocery shop alone.<br><br>
Man, if I were you, there'd be steam coming out of my ears!
 

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I think our DP are related.....I'm not even going to get started....I just wrote out a long reply to greasball's thread and my computer shut off...grrrr<br><br>
here is my theory-it should be 100/100 not 100/10 which is the way I've been feeling lately!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

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Man. How disrespectful.<br><br>
You should definitely go on strike. Take care of yourself and the baby, not him. No laundry. No cooking. No nothing.<br><br>
Also, if you feel comfortable with it, next time the baby is fussy and he's resting his happy @ss in bed with a book and a chocolate bar, go in, put her on his lap, say "I need a break... it's your turn," and go take a hot bath. Heck, take the chocolate bar with you.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:
 

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I don't think my dh would have found that chocolate bar to begin with <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Dragonfly</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Also, if you feel comfortable with it, next time the baby is fussy and he's resting his happy @ss in bed with a book and a chocolate bar, go in, put her on his lap, say "I need a break... it's your turn," and go take a hot bath. Heck, take the chocolate bar with you.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:</div>
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This is what I would do. Your dh is a parent as well...
 

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after that comment there is no way that man would have made it out the door had he been my DH - he would have been buried in a pile of laundy ( preferably dirty diapers) - and that's my nicest response, It must be nice to not think of anyone but your damn self -sorry you have to go through that. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">
 

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No offense, but your dh sounds like a jerk. I've seen a few posts from you lately and you seem really frustrated. How old is he? Would he go to a counselor? If not, i would suggest you go alone. Is he having a hard time adjusting to fatherhood?<br><br>
sorry so short/choppy- nak'ing
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>shelbean91</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">No offense, but your dh sounds like a jerk. I've seen a few posts from you lately and you seem really frustrated. How old is he? Would he go to a counselor? If not, i would suggest you go alone. Is he having a hard time adjusting to fatherhood?<br><br>
sorry so short/choppy- nak'ing</div>
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I agree with shelbean91 ~ I too have noticed an increase in your posts about how inconsiderate your husband's been lately, and I'm sorry he had let you down yet again. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
Please know that you are not alone in this regards ~ my husband is similar in his lack of sharing parenting tasks, but is usually more apologetic about it, and acknowledges the fact that I do more than he does.<br><br>
Sorry to say this, but it may be time to examine your marriageand decide if this is how you want to live. If you're already taking the full responsibilty for the care of your daughter, going it alone wouldn't be much different, except for the fact that you would no longer be responsible for cooking and cleaning up after <i>him</i>, just you and your little one. I'm not trying to tell you what you should do, but I just feel bad that in most of your posts about him, you're getting crapped on, so to speak.<br><br>
I feel for you, mama. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
China
 

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When I was in college and one of my girlfriends told me her boyfriend was being a jerk, I would, without hesitation, tell her to dump him.<br><br>
Why is it so very different when we are married? Our Darling Husbands can treat us and our kids horribly, and we take it. We might even half accept other's suggestions that we seek counseling.<br><br>
Because 25% of the time he is such a sweet father? 10% of the time he loves me, compliments me, and makes me feel like a woman?<br><br>
I hate to tell you, but it isnt going to get any better unless you make big changes now.<br>
4 years down the road and I am still making excuses for our family. For my husband.<br>
You've got to speak up NOW.<br>
Make changes now.<br>
Empower yourself now.<br>
Emotional abuse will eat you away- slowly Take it from me.<br><br><br><br>
Sorry to be so negative.!<br><br>
Opening the lines of communication right now will give you half a chance. Dont let it go any longer.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I'm sorry you are going through this <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> have you asked him why he is not taking on a more active parenting role?
 

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Well I was curious so I read your other posts, and I also think he sounds like a jerk...<br><br>
But divorce is difficult. No, I wouldn't put up with that from a boyfriend or someone I didn't have children with, but if my dh became a jerk like that I probably would stick around for a long time because the reality is, like many of us, I have nowhere else to go. Divorce is especially hard for SAHMs, even more so for those with no immediate employment prospects. That's why women keep returning to abusive husbands, even those that may seriously endanger them - there is just nowhere else to go sometimes. (Yes, I know of DV shelters; I volunteer in one and it's always full. We get about 10 calls a day from women that we have to turn away.)<br><br>
The best thing to do may be to take one jerk-issue at a time and deal with that. For the cleaning: go on strike (for everything but child care); if he thinks you contribute nothing, maybe he will change his mind (somewhat) after you <i>really</i> do nothing!<br><br>
That's one idea, but it's probably been suggested a hundred times already.
 

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I personally don't think going on strike is going to help the situation. your DH is an adult. lay it out for him if he needs you too (concerning household and baby duties). you shouldn't have to play games in a marriage to get your needs met.
 

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BTDT, I soo feel you. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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I haven't read all of you other posts so this maybe moot but I thought I'd throw it out there anyway...<br>
Have you discussed your expectations of him with him?<br>
Many men were raised with the attitude that women take care of the babies and the home and the men pay for it. That's it. Mom does everything with an occasional spanking from Dad and Dad makes sure there is enough money to buy groceries and pay for the house.<br>
My dh was raised this way. Not that his dad is a jerk or anything, just oblivious and likely raised the same way. But once I talked to dh, walked him through my "job" he became very understanding. Now he parents and cleans at least as much as I do and often more. I almost always sleep in on the weekends while he takes care of the kids and house. It's not a problem for me to leave him with all the kids while I go to the store etc. Sometimes though I do need to say "the baby is crabbing and I could really use your help. Could you try walking around with him" My dh was the only one that could calm #4 when he got fussy.<br><br>
I'm sorry your dh is being a jerk <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 
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