[Amylcd]

Today is my daughters 2nd birthday!

Unfortunately, I am still unable to look at her birth pictures. My poor grandmother actually has PTSD from being there at the birth, and is unable to talk about it without crying and going into a panic. I was (luckily?) drugged during the first few hours and did not realize how close my baby was to death.

She is here now, happy and mostly healthy... but I can't stop thinking about the "what if's". I want birth pictures of her, where she is NOT blue, on oxygen and full of wires. I desperately wanted those first few hours with her to bond.

I just want to move on. I want my daughters birthday to be a happy day, instead of bringing up horrible memories for everyone.

 

[Neera]

it's been 2 yrs for me too. looks like we had a similar birth experience. i haven't got over it yet, but dh has and often will say I shud move on. well, at least i know i'm not alone.

 

[Jilian]

I'm sorry mama. Honestly, I went through and deleted many of DS2's pictures off my computer because they were too painful to look at (he was blue and looked horrible) and I couldn't stop looking at them. Sometimes I feel sad that I no longer have these pictures but it helps me to focus on the present and not think of all of the what-ifs surrounding his birth. He was born at home and appeared pretty healthy until we learned he had a CHD @ 2 weeks old then he went in for a quad bypass. So looking at the pictures from his first 2 weeks and assessing his color was just too hard for me.

 

[Treece]