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Hey there,\<br>
Not sure if this is the right forum for this, but I'm sure the moderators will move it if needed.<br><br>
I left my husband in March, and my dd, who is 8, is still heartbroken and keeps asking if I'd consider going back to him. Which actually mystifies me, because things were NOT good, there was constant constant fighting and I was never home because I couldn't stand my ex. My son, 4, he seems fine with the situation, towards the end of our marriage, he would not let me sit with my ex without him on my lap and stroking my face to keep me calm. Anyway, I just don't know what to do to help my dd thru this. My ex doesn't help the situation, he's pathetic and has my dd feeling sorry for him. He's constantly telling her how much he loves me and would love for us to be a family again. I'm the bad guy you know? Now I know things will get better with time, I've already seen such a change in her, she used to cry every night, now it's about 3 times a week. I feel for her and just want to make her pain go away. Any suggestions?<br><br>
Thanks!!!<br><br>
Mamasoleil
 

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I don't think it is unusal for a child to still be upset in this manner. Nine months isn't a very long time to get over having your whole life turned upside down. Remember, she's young enough that the marriage and daddy being around is the only life she has to compare anything to. So this is a huge change for her.<br><br>
I guess my best piece of advice is that parents of divorce kids need to remember that their feelings are not their kids feelings.<br><br>
The horrible fights, tension and stress the grown-ups felt in the marriage are not always preceived by children in the the same way. Though it is certainly preferable not to be living in a house with a lot of conflict, often the conflict, stress and grief of the divorce is <b>worse</b> for the children than the bad marriage was.<br><br>
There is not a lot you can do to help her beyond being reassuring that things will change as time goes on, that it is normal and valid for her to feel sad in this situation, etc. You might consider a couple of therapy sessions if warranted. A CBT approach might give her some coping tools to use.<br><br>
Also be aware, kids often revisit life changing events whenever they go through a new developmental stage. They seem to reprocess things like deaths, divorces, losses, etc. with the more mature outlook. So often, you'll think your child has gotten over something only to have it crop up again 3-5 years later.<br><br><br><br>
Hang in there!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MamaSoleil</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9935081"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Thanks for the reply....what is a CBT approach?<br>
Mamasoleil</div>
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Cognitive Behavior Therapy<br><br>
HTH <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 
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