A little history here:
X and I seperated last August but lived in the same house for financial reasons. It had been over for a long time before that. We agreed we'd sell the house and be out by May. I eventually decided to move back to Canada where all my family is.
I moved back this month and am now in a nice little townhouse with my kids.
It's tough. It's scary. My earning potential is a fraction of his. I'm not even sure what to do about working. I'm living on a false economy right now due to having made a little money from the sale of the house (but not blowing all the money). I'm hoping to stay at home as long as possible with the kiddies.
X is still being the difficult/strange/bi-polar/uncaring/nasty person he was before I left.
But the children.
Oh the children!
It's been so beautiful.
We had a honeymoon period for the first few days here where they were angels. Then they went back to "normal". And then we're finding out stride. There are these rays of sun, more and more now, where I see what we're striving for. Where we get to be exactly who we're supposed to be, without the dark cloud of X over us.
We're loving the magical moments of rolling down hills together, walking for popsicles, kicking balls with the neighbourhood kids, all the stuff that was missing before. The light heartedness!
Yes it's all up to me to do everything. But that's nothing new. And now I'm not weighted down with the resentment of having X in the house being nasty, making a mess of the place and being no help. I knew it sucked a lot of my energy, but now I really realise it. And yes I do feel overwhelmed at times, but then I regroup at night in my room. And even all that I believe will get better.
So now I just keep slogging through all the immigration, importation of goods, school, vehicle modifications, credit resestablishment, citizenship, health care, etc etc etc work. And eventually we'll be all settled in here. I'm making headway and that feels good too.
Now I just cross my fingers that my boyfriend gets through immigration and can join us here.
The children and I miss him a lot. Funny thing is, he asks after the children every time he calls - unlike X. He left the kitchen in the middle of lunch service today (he's an executive chef) just to call and chat with the children before nap time.
I know this is long ramble, but just wanted to add in my little success story. Because that's what I consider what is now my "fixed marriage". *g*
I often read in here but haven't posted for a long time. Thank you to all of you who do because I take so much from it all.
July 19 is liberation day.
