[captain optimism]

My ds seems to be developing on a schedule that's well within what most folks would consider typical. Though he is not walking yet, he is cruising (furniture walking) and he does some idiosyncratic scooting. (he also crawled for awhile, but seems to have given that up!) Lately he has been more into trying to walk forward, holding our hands or pushing the stroller or a toy. He says some words, but mostly babbles. He's not passive physically, he moves around and explores and climbs stairs with agility.

At the park, other children who are younger are walking already. Sometimes the moms there make me feel bad about it. Today a mom asked me what our pediatrician said about the walking, as though it was really abnormal to be only working on it at this age. I think either they are being kind of mean, or they don't realize that ds is 16 months old. I mean, he's within the normal range for weight and height, but on the smallish side, so he could be younger. All of this is a usual pattern for my dh's family, my dh didn't walk until 16 months and he's a very fine physical specimen at 35.

My son is super beautiful, to the point where people rush across the street to give me compliments. (I don't want to post his photo on the internet--we live in an urban area. So please take my word for this part! He has a cleft chin and big green eyes with long lashes, and such a sweet smile and big rosy cheeks.) He has a very fine temperment, he smiles and flirts and coos at people to get their attention to smile and flirt some more. He has a sweet voice and he often cuddles up to me in public in the sweetest way. I am very lucky, but sometimes I feel bad about the walking thing. I am kind of a vulnerable person in some ways, a little too open to how other people see me.

Perhaps you would be willing to say some nice things to me to reassure me and help me cope with this awkward social situation.

 

[kaimama]

My ds is now 19 months, he started walking at 16 months. My 2nd dd didn't start walking until she was 17 months, my oldest dd walked at 12 months. They are all within the range of normal, why anyone would question you about that is beyond rude. I think I would just tell people that I am perfectly happy with child's development and if I'm not worried then they shouldn't be either. I was glad to have late walkers anyway.

BTW, my little guy has a cleft in his chin too, aren't they just too cute?

 

[juicylucy]

Your son sounds like a real cutie! Be glad that you still get to hold him loads. Gabe (another cutie, if I say so myself

) didn't walk until he was 18 months old. I was really concerned as well, but once he DID walk, and I had to CHASE him everywhere, I wondered why I had wished it was sooner!

Ignore the other mums; I hate it when people start comparing. Your DS sounds like he is doing wonderfully.

 

[mirthfulmum]

I don't know why some people feel a need to constantly compare children. It has always made me uncomfortable too when people want to get into the "who's kid is doing what now" chit-chat.

My son was an early walker, but I have several friends whose children didn't walk until well after they'd turned 1. Off the top of my head, one began walking at 14 months, another 16 months and a third has recently reached 19 months and he's still a bit wobbly on his feet.

So don't worry. You're son is exactly where he's supposed to be.

 

[mamangazelle]

I got that a lot with dd1. She was really early for lots of things, but she was so tall and looked so old (even before she got glasses at 14 months, she was often mistaken for a 2 or 3yo, so imagine after!) that people would ask the same kind of questions.

I didn't even bother tell them she was only "x" months old, because that was not the point. I just told them that it was perfectly normal to begin to walk between 9 and 18 months, that I started talking at 3 yo and was still excellent in school (especialy with langage, at least mine, french

), that they can't develop everything at once and at the same pace (gross motor skills, fine motor skills, langage, affective and social development,...).

And yes, some people are mean. Some mamas at the park want to have the most intelligent, most physical, most beautiful baby, and think that they'll prove they got it by showing that the others aren't as good/as fast/ or whatever... It gets even worst when grandmas talk about they grand children...

If it wasn't for the fact that your ds isn't walking yet, it would be for something else. my dd is 11 mo and not walking yet, but babbling LOUDLY, protesting and having a fit when not happy and taking toys out of peoples hands. Well she's aggressive already, according to some people

 

[saintmom]

People can be such jerks!

One of mine wasn't walking at 13 months,and I remember being at church and feeling really bad cause of peoples comments,when an older lady(mother of 5)said quite loudly "mine never walked until they were 15-18 months"After that nobody mentioned it again!i have to add ds is now 10 yrs old and hit his 6th homerun

 

[*Erin*]

i'm sorry those turds at the park are making you feel badly. your baby sounds like a peach. i love dimples

little boys tend to do things a little later than littler girls, are these moms of daughters? maybe you could mention that. or not. you don't have to "justify" your son's walking to some random women in the park. screw em. he's indeed well within the range of normal.

i know how you're feeling, but from the other direction-it's just as awkward when your kid does stuff really early. my dd is really verbal, (and also really lovely

) and other mamas have gotten really defensive and hateful toward me when they hear her talk or see how she plays. it sucks.

i dont know about you, but i've gotten to the point where i dread taking dd to the park. i usually take her when i know it'll likely be empty. or i take her to the beach, or the bookstore or something...

edited to add that yes, if it wasnt the walking, it'd be something else. some people are just nitpicky and hateful like that, and they have to find something to be negative about no matter what.

 

[feebeeglee]

Of my 3, one walked at 13mos and talked at 10mos
one walked at 11 mos and talked at 11mos
one walked at 10mos and is still preverbal at 15mos (says mama, signs 'more' and says 'a clue a clue!'

)

You needn't worry; he's no doubt proceeding as he should and is well within the range of normal

 

[crazy_eights]

My best friend in Israel has had 6 kids and five of them walked between 16 and 18 mos. They are all very bright, normal children. I can't remember if she or her husband also walked that late and a ped. told her that developmental milestones can be related to genetics. So be reassured by the fact that your dh also was a 'late' walker. BTW- my friend didn't quite know what to do when she got a daughter that walked at 9 mos!

Often, when children are on the slower end of the curve in one area, they are progressing nicely in other areas that might not be as readily visable to the ladies (tactless as they may be!) in the park. Perhaps he has PHENOMENAL fine motor coordination? But it is easier to wow 'em with climbing up the slide at age 16 mos than showing of that amazing pincer grasp

. He'll be fine, I'm sure.

 

[Katana]

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. People can be so ridiculous sometimes.

My dd didn't walk until she was 16 months. Her feet were so tiny. The doctor told me, her feet have to grow before she can walk, to support the rest of her weight. At a year, they were about a 2.5. When they became about 4.5, four months later, she walked.

You know these people are just jealous of his eyeslashes.

 

[Aura_Kitten]

OP ~

my son walked right after his first birthday.... but has always been quite large. when i'd take him to the park ~ before he started walking and well before he ever spoke in "real" words ~ i'd get all sorts of really mean and rude comments from the other kids, and even from the other parents. one kid actually came up to my son and parked his bike right next to him, and while my son was crawling around poking toward the tires and cooing at the kid, this a$$ said, "lady, is your kid retarded?"

"NO," i said, "he's still a BABY." you know what this little brat said in response? "well MY little brother is that big and HE walks AND talks. i think you need to take your kid to the doctor. he's pretty retarded." and then he rode his bike off!

even other parents used to ask me if my son had "problems." uh, NO he's just a BABY. he's NORMAL.

for some reason lots of people out there think it's perfectly ok to judge kids if they're smaller / larger / whatever than their idea of "normal."

s

 

[mamangazelle]

Quote:

Originally Posted by klothos OP ~ this a$$ said, "lady, is your kid retarded?" "NO," i said, "he's still a BABY." you know what this little brat said in response? "well MY little brother is that big and HE walks AND talks. i think you need to take your kid to the doctor. he's pretty retarded." and then he rode his bike off!

some people are just plain

 

[mamaley]

people are weird.

 

[chellemarie]

If I sensed you were uneasy about his walking, I would probably say something to open up conversation so you could talk about it. I might say something that would seem insensitive. Sometimes, I'm a dope.

However, I think he's completely normal and I'm sure he can do things my son can't or won't do.

I really think it's important to remember that he is indeed walking when he's holding onto furniture. He'll walk without the furniture eventually ("look ma, no hands!") and then the other mothers will compare in other ways just to make themselves feel better ...or worse.

We live in a very competitive society. I had a coworker get rather hostile with me this week because I suggested that my children could have a decent life without a college degree. She didn't get my argument because she sees it in a competitive way. "I'm better than you because..." "I'm more deserving than you because..." She's a very nice woman with a big heart, but she's a product of our increasingly competitive and decreasingly compassionate society.

I rambled a little off topic there, but I hope that helps. Talking about your child's later development in one area may make the other moms feel more secure about their own child's later development in another area. It doesn't make it right, though. Maybe next time someone asks you about that, you should ask that mama what her child doesn't do that other people bug her about. I'm sure she'll have something.

 

[thoesly]

I don't know if this will help you or not, but it's helped keep my own blood pressure down.

I have three kids with special needs, but they all look normal, so I have a lot of experience dealing with stares/comments/etc. What I usually do is assume that people really do mean well (they are concerned and want to help). (Unless there is obvious hostility involved, in which case they just need to be put down) It's the same principle I use when driving -- if someone cuts me off, I tell myself they are from out of town and got flustered driving on an unfamiliar road and didn't really mean to do it. Is this true? Most likely not, but it means that I don't dwell on it or get mad. I can just let it go.

People don't have the right to make comments or ask questions about your child's development, but that isn't going to stop them. You can't change them, but you can decide whether or not you're going to let it upset you. As someone just said, we live in a super-competitive society, and that is what usually fuels comments and comparisons. Pity the poor people who are so insecure in their own child's progress that they feel the need to say something to you.

All that said, I realize that my situation is very different from yours. One of the many blessings of having children with special needs is that we get to opt out of the craziness. I don't know whether or not my advice will help you at all, but I offer it in the spirit of trying to help make life better in and beyond a tough situation.

All the best,

Tara

 

[L.J.]

My oldest son has always been different. He was a tiny baby and is still very small, he walked late, talked late, etc. etc.

I struggled with it alot, especially the first couple years. I always got comments about something and it drove me crazy. Those early childhood years are filled with constant comparison. Everyone is so quick to make sure all kids are "the same." I had to embrace the fact that my child has his own unique way of doing things, he has always and probably will be different.....and now I think that's marvelous!

I think it's really peculiar that if you ask most parents if they want their child to be unique or special they all say definitely......but when we are faced with a child (another or our own) that is unique.....everyone freaks out about it. At what point are we then okay with people being different? We want our kids to be within the growth chart, eating, crawling, walking & talking at the "right" age, we want them to learn their alphabet and be able to write their name at the "right" age, etc. So at what point can we "expect" them to suddenly break out & become an individual?

I often wonder what they did 100 years ago without all the books, charts & comparisons....where they were just having babies & letting everyone develop at the pace they were at because, really, there was no other choice?!?

Celebrate your child & the uniqueness that is theirs.
(And you're right, by 35 no one will give a rip what age they walked!)

 

[Kiki Runs]

Hey! My DS sounds exactly like yours! I don't worry too much about people's comments, either. All they see is a snapshot of DS, whereas I get to see the whole movie. I'm not concerned at all about DS - he's happy, healthy, smart, and developing in his own time at his own pace. Smart as he is, he can't read a calendar yet, and hasn't sat down to peruse the child development books that tell him when he "should" do this or that. So he's doing his own thing, and I'm just enjoying the ride.

Just wanted to let you know you're certainly not alone.

Kinsey

 

[Goldiemom]

I would definately not take the insensitivity of strangers to heart. Both of my dc are adorable, and look perfectly normal. But, my ds is developing skills at a very delayed rate. He is autistic, but to look at him you can't tell that. It is only when he opens his mouth to talk that you can really tell. BUT, I would never tell a person that their child was anything but perfect unless they said something about being concerned. Then I would just ask if they had talked with their childs dr. Otherwise, it isn't my place to say anything. I am so sorry that you are dealing with idiots mamas. I have dealt with my fair share and I am sure we will all deal with more. *hugz* to you all!

 

[Dar]

Maybe those other moms are just jealous because he's so cute

IME and generally speaking, kids who walk later fall less and avoid many scraped-up noses and chins, too.

Dar

 

[pageta]

I often ask moms if their babies are walking yet. It's more of a "Are you dealing with them being into everything faster than they were when they were crawling?" than a question of their child's correct development. DS has been crawling since a week before 7 months, but at 11 months cruises sometimes but crawls basically everywhere he wants to go. He seems to be a lot like dh who could talk a lot before he actually crawled (around 15 months, I think) - he seemed to think crawling worked just fine so he didn't need to try and walk. DS sat, crawled and pulled up all within 2 weeks, but hasn't done anything major for 4 months now. He still hasn't said his first word either, which is actually what I'm looking forward to since he babbles a lot. When people ask me if he's walking yet, I just tell them he gets into enough trouble just crawling and pulling up - he can wait as long as he wants to walk, as far as I'm concerned.