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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I wonder if she's thinking of me today like I'm thinking of her.<br><br>
Do you guys think of your kids' birth parents, on their birthday?<br><br>
For some strange reason, I'm feeling very sad this year.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Tigerchild</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11602310"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I wonder if she's thinking of me today like I'm thinking of her.<br><br>
Do you guys think of your kids' birth parents, on their birthday?<br><br>
For some strange reason, I'm feeling very sad this year.</div>
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<span><span style="font-size:300%;">H</span></span><span style="color:#FF0000;"><span style="font-size:300%;">A</span></span><span style="color:#008080;"><span style="font-size:300%;">P</span></span><span style="color:#0000FF;"><span style="font-size:300%;">P</span></span><span><span style="font-size:300%;">Y</span></span> <span><span style="font-size:300%;">B</span></span><span><span style="font-size:300%;">I</span></span><span><span style="font-size:300%;">R</span></span><span><span style="font-size:300%;">T</span></span><span style="color:#FFFF00;"><span style="font-size:300%;">H</span></span><span><span style="font-size:300%;">D</span></span><span><span style="font-size:300%;">A</span></span><span><span style="font-size:300%;">Y</span></span>
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Tigerchild</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11602310"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I wonder if she's thinking of me today like I'm thinking of her.<br><br>
Do you guys think of your kids' birth parents, on their birthday?<br><br>
For some strange reason, I'm feeling very sad this year.</div>
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Happy Birthday! I think of my kid's birth parents almost every day and most especially on their birthdays. I am sure she is thinking of you. If she only knew what a helpful and guiding voice you have been for those of us adoptive parents trying to be the best parents we can be. I bet she would be proud.<br><br>
I am so sorry this birthday is hard for you.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I wish there was something I could say.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Happy birthday, Kitty. I'm sorry you're feeling sad.<br><br>
I think it would be impossible not to think of E's mom on her birthday, but I don't know yet. It's such a momentous day, so full of loss and still the joy of a new life...how could one mentally skip over all that, you know? And to know what E's mom must be feeling on that day, when we're the ones with E and able to be with her...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> I don't think it will ever be a completely happy or light day, the way a birthday "should" be.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Sadness included, I celebrate this day for you. I'm glad you're here, and you mean a lot to me, and your birth day was/is a wonderful occasion for the lives of many.
 

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Happy Birthday Kitty...<br><br>
Birthdays are the HARDEST part about being/having been in a reunion that didn't work out, imo.<br><br>
When I first was contacted by my bmom, she told me she thought about me every day and especially on my birthday. Which made me feel pretty good, of course.<br><br>
Fast forward 3 or 4 years where our relationship gets progressively stranger, imo, and ends all together when we adopt M. From the time we connected until last year, she sent me flowers and a nice card and letter on my birthday. So did her two daughters. I knew even though there were times where we clearly weren't communicating that I could count on that. But last year it stopped - with no explanation at all.<br><br>
Which really bothered me. And still does and my birthday is coming up again so I know I will be thinking about it.<br><br>
I would bet ANYTHING that she is thinking of me though - and I would bet that same amount that your biomom is thinking about you too, Kitty. Really, I am positive that if you ever reunite with her, she will tell you that right away.<br><br>
And yes, I think of C on M's birthday. I think about all of us, since we were there - but mostly, I think of how beautiful C looked, holding M in the hospital and they were both sleeping. It makes me tear up even now, just thinking about it.<br><br>
Try and have a great day, Kitty. I think your biomom would be very very proud of you. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">
 

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Happy birthday.<br><br>
I'm adopted too, and every year I think about my mother and wonder about her and how she is. This year was the first birthday I had after having a child myself and I am so sure now that she thinks of me.<br>
i'm sure they think of us more often then on birthdays.
 

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Happy Birthday! I'm sure she is thinking of you, not just today but at other times throughout the year(s). I know it's hard not to feel the sadness but try to enjoy your day and celebrate YOU!
 

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Happy Birthday Kitty. I'm absolutely certain she's thinking of you. And, yes, I thought about Grace's bmom all day the other day. It was a very strangely bittersweet day. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">
 

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Now that I'm posting at a more rational time of day, I'll answer the question that you ACTUALLY asked.<br><br>
I think about Chris's birthmother a lot. Especially now that she's parenting a new baby. I hope that she'll be able to parent her newest daughter but I'm still sad for the parenting relationship she isn't able to have with her three older children.<br><br>
I've only met P's birthmother briefly but I think about her a lot. The baby was placed in care at 8 months and now she's twice that. I think about all the "firsts" and the day-to-day stuff she's missing. I can only try to imagine the pain she's feeling.
 

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Yes, we think of our daughter's birth/first mom on her birthday (and lots of other days too!) I always try to acknowledge that birthdays aren't just a happy time - our culture is so over the top about birthdays - and give my daughter space for however she's feeling.<br><br>
PS Happy Birthday!
 

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I am sure she is thinking of you hun <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy">: Happy Birthday Kitty!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy">:<br><br><br>
you're an amazing woman, and I'm sorry you're feeling sad today. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Happy Birthday!!! I always think of Olivia's first family, sometimes more than others like on her Birthday or her mothers Birthday, holidays... I think its only natural. I'm sure she is thinking of you.
 

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I cried my eyes out on Anna's birthday thinking of her birth mother as I rocked my daughter to sleep. I also lite a candle on her birth mother's birthday which is 2 days before my own mother's.<br><br>
Happy Birthday! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy">:
 

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How are you doing, Kitty?
 

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Happy birthday! If it helps, I am a birthmother and i think of my kids on their birthdays and every day in between. i dont know your specific situation but i have a feeling your birthmom is having a hard day today too, and is likely to be thinking about you. hang in there...hugs!
 

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Sorry I am late coming in. I think of the boys' birth mothers a lot, but especially in the days leading up to and on their birthdays. In Korea, people eat seaweed soup (as new mothers do in the pp period) on their birthdays to honor and remember their mother's efforts. With the trip to pick up Isaac this year, I am behind for Connor, but have them do this on their birthdays as a special way to remember their birth mothers.<br><br>
Sorry it was such a hard day for you <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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i think of marvel's birth mother all the time. she has only had one birthday and her birthmother and birth sister were able to come over to our place for a little family party. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy">:
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Thanks ladies,<br><br>
I am doing okay. I don't know why I was feeling so melancholy about it this year. It's going to be an upcoming year of transitions (my boys start K in the fall, which means I'll now be in the phase with all school age kids), so maybe that's it. My parents are definitely getting older. It's strange to think that somewhere out there I may have siblings, my birthmom is pretty young...51 or 52.<br><br>
I recently had a stranger come up to me and ask me if I was eurasian (she said hapa, which I take is the new it word). This surprised me, because I don't think I look very asian, esp. since I've gotten fatter. But she's about the same 'mix' as I am, and had the exact same hair color (it's an auburn that's really common with eurasian folks, from the actual color to highlights). She told me a little bit about her family. It was kind of awkward to tell her I know virtually nothing about mine.<br><br>
Then I was flilpping through my old old search notebook (I haven't really cracked it open since I was 22, I've been going through my junk boxes and found it). Even though there was an adoption plan in place before I was born, my birthmom didn't surrender me for a little over a week. Supposedly, she actually took me home for awhile, so that the extended family and her mom and brothers and sisters could spend time with me (her dad had recently died). There's actually a few stipulations in the contract from the agency saying that my parents couldn't take me on base because they didn't want anyone recognizing me (my birthmom's family was military, or was until her dad died, but they still had commissary priveledges and such).<br><br>
So I don't know. I've been going through a lot of the 'what if's lately with a lot of things. (what if I'd spaced out my kids better, would I be this stressed? What if I'd picked X in school instead of Y? That kind of thing.) So then I started thinking about what ifs and whys surrounding my relinquishment. Would it have been 'better'? Eh, maybe. Probably not. I think travelling the world and even (quite frankly) growing up in the home environment I did has given me a pretty interesting life.<br><br>
I just feel this inexplicable loss in knowing that there are some paths that will always remain closed. I won't ever truly be a part of all of my cultural heritage (though I realize that there are plenty of other eurasian folks that live with their biofamilies that don't feel they have that either)...but I don't even feel fully entitled to claim in most of the time.<br><br>
Maybe that stupid 'check which race' box on the boys' kindergarten registration form is still bothering me as well (I chose to not check anything).<br><br>
So yeah...I'm okay. Rambly as usual, though. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
You do have a lot of transitions going. That can't help but unsettle a person. Do you feel like maybe something inside you is close to wanting to search for your birth family, and that's making you nervous? I always get extremely unsettled in the months before I know I have to take a new direction. My gut knows it's coming, but my mind wants to keep its eyes closed for a while and pretend it isn't happening.<br><br>
I hope once the kids start school (oh, and btw, who spaces twins "better"?!...twins just throw you for a loop no matter where they're spaced <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue">) everything settles down and you have more time to sort out your thoughts and plans. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 
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