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Zipping in to give you a
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-- fussy 4yo at the moment. More thoughts about kids later....
Karen and baby Joe
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We didn't have to tell the girls anything. In fact the stress that they were dealing with from our unhappiness cascading over them was part of what forced my hand in finally calling it quits.... When Viper and I got together, it was so smooth and so natural {I tease him now wondering aloud if he's ever going to ask me out, etc} that it was just.... the way it was, I guess. They accepted it and even said how happy they were to see me happy...
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s
Hey there mama G
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My DS was only 18 mos when ex and I seperated so I didn't have to do much explaining. I agree with that the others have said, be honest with the DC. I'd treat it like a sex conversation: Keep it simple and just the facts, if they need to know more let them ask.
Wishing you all a gentle transition.
Wishing you all a gentle transition.
Oh Mama G!
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I agree, keep it simple and honest with the kiddo. Often, it's a huge relief for the DC initially (if there was a lot of fighting) and then a lot of mixed emotions. Just keep talking, keep talking, keep talking - and follow her lead about how much she wants to know and when.
You guys will be fine - and like Maya said, there are upsides to being single
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I agree, keep it simple and honest with the kiddo. Often, it's a huge relief for the DC initially (if there was a lot of fighting) and then a lot of mixed emotions. Just keep talking, keep talking, keep talking - and follow her lead about how much she wants to know and when.
You guys will be fine - and like Maya said, there are upsides to being single
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sending a
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i've got dd here poking me saying, come on come on come on...
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i've got dd here poking me saying, come on come on come on...
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mamag u sure said it best - horrifying and exhilerating. hope you are doing well as those two weeks will be teh LONGEST of your life.
my dd was 18 months old and since he wasnt around a lot she didnt really notice teh difference at all. but at 2 she realised it and was obsessing she wanted mommy AND daddy. i tried everything. books, my nontypical family friends... but not until she saw the barney song about different families did it make sense to her. she still wnats us to have fun togethre but has also figured out teh positives of having two households.
but i think what has helped her teh most is how we react in front of her. we have lost our head and had a shouting match in front of her. and she has begged us to stop. she has even told daddy a whole year ago - daddy that is not a nice thing to say to mommy. she is not -----. she is not well now so dont hurt her even more. many times i would wonder who teh adult was.
anyways we coparent but dont bad mouth each other (he does a wee bit - i dont AT ALL). we maintain a level of respect in front of her (and yell over teh phone). in my experience i find it so, so matters how the elders behave. i never, ever bad mouth her dad when she is around to my friends. even though our code word for the horrible ex is george w
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i still dont do it when she is within earshot. i learnt my lesson when younger she asked me are you talking about my dad. i guess my voice changes or it is a body language thing or a vibe thing because even though she has not been near me or heard anythiing she alwyas guessed right.
my life was a living hell with ex. when i was out i was lonely and alone and mad but man it was soooo exhilerating. the first night by myself i told myself no more tears and so far the only tears i have shed are over movies or when i have read someone elses pain. but i have NEVER, EVER cried over him again. 2 years of crying was enough.
looking forward to how you are doing and how things are going.
my dd was 18 months old and since he wasnt around a lot she didnt really notice teh difference at all. but at 2 she realised it and was obsessing she wanted mommy AND daddy. i tried everything. books, my nontypical family friends... but not until she saw the barney song about different families did it make sense to her. she still wnats us to have fun togethre but has also figured out teh positives of having two households.
but i think what has helped her teh most is how we react in front of her. we have lost our head and had a shouting match in front of her. and she has begged us to stop. she has even told daddy a whole year ago - daddy that is not a nice thing to say to mommy. she is not -----. she is not well now so dont hurt her even more. many times i would wonder who teh adult was.
anyways we coparent but dont bad mouth each other (he does a wee bit - i dont AT ALL). we maintain a level of respect in front of her (and yell over teh phone). in my experience i find it so, so matters how the elders behave. i never, ever bad mouth her dad when she is around to my friends. even though our code word for the horrible ex is george w
my life was a living hell with ex. when i was out i was lonely and alone and mad but man it was soooo exhilerating. the first night by myself i told myself no more tears and so far the only tears i have shed are over movies or when i have read someone elses pain. but i have NEVER, EVER cried over him again. 2 years of crying was enough.
looking forward to how you are doing and how things are going.
Hugs to you, mama G. I don't have any advice on what to tell children because I became single while still pregnant with my ds.
Just wanted to pop in and give ya a hug.
I can say this though... I do love not having another adult around to 'answer to'. I can decorate however I wish. I can make a mess and leave it if I want. I can hog the bathroom...Well, ds is usually in there too because he feels left out. rofl.
So, once you get settled emotionally, You will hopefully be able to enjoy YOUR space.
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But you still can't run with scissors.
Just wanted to pop in and give ya a hug.
I can say this though... I do love not having another adult around to 'answer to'. I can decorate however I wish. I can make a mess and leave it if I want. I can hog the bathroom...Well, ds is usually in there too because he feels left out. rofl.
So, once you get settled emotionally, You will hopefully be able to enjoy YOUR space.
Quote:
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Originally Posted by lizc But you still can't run with scissors. |
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Quote:
i'd like to second this and what Poppymama wrote...becoming a single mama has been the most challenging and rewarding part of my life...and life keeps getting better
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blessings~~
eta...dd's father has been in and out which has been rough on her especially when we moved w/him to where he is stationed (she turned 3 while there) and then we left, she had a rough time with that...I was honest with her and explained things simply. I felt some saddness having to have this conversation with my little honey but I didnt see any way around it
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a positive side is that dd and I have grown together thru this and so has our love
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Originally Posted by lizc I can say this though... I do love not having another adult around to 'answer to'. I can decorate however I wish. I can make a mess and leave it if I want. I can hog the bathroom...Well, ds is usually in there too because he feels left out. rofl. So, once you get settled emotionally, You will hopefully be able to enjoy YOUR space.
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eta...dd's father has been in and out which has been rough on her especially when we moved w/him to where he is stationed (she turned 3 while there) and then we left, she had a rough time with that...I was honest with her and explained things simply. I felt some saddness having to have this conversation with my little honey but I didnt see any way around it
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Actually, I wrote what you quoted.
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