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Let me start by saying I know this is petty and ridiculous - but I have got to get it out, and where else can I complain about something like this?!

Well, DH is wonderful, helpful, yada, yada, yada - but he is really a creature of habit - and unfortunately his habits do not mesh w/mine! If I ask him to pick up dog food, it will take a week to get done because he has to make an "unusual" stop on his drive. He is really great about playing w/dd and finding things to do w/her, but hasn't gotten into the habit of including ds (1year!) yet - so I am left w/one kid.
I have started leaving my car keys in the car (when the car is in the locked garage) so that I can find them in the morning and get on the road. When DH drives my car, he locks it - even in the garage. So, of course, my keys got locked in the car. OK, so this really isn't a "blame" situation - but when dd asked why we couldn't go to the library, I said I left the keys in the car and Dad locked the doors so we couldn't get the key. I explained that I was upset about not being able to go to the library and to my meeting, but we could go the next day (trying to model feeling angry but not acting out). Well, dh thinks I am making the kids mad at him. TBH, it was a long day, and by the end (he was late coming home) I was saying "where is daddy! I hope he gets home soon!" but I really try not to say anything that is "bad" - I try to explain differences or "quirks" as just that - not good or bad, just different.
He says the keys were locked in the car, no need to talk about how that happened or blame him for my tough day. I disagree! I "blame" him for locking my car and I "blame" myself for leaving the spare key in the diaper bag in the car. It wasn't intentional, but still - I didn't lock the car! My key was inside! So he may not have meant to do it, but still . . . .
I guess the real problem is that I feel like he is just not invested in the family like I, a SAHM, am. He comes in for dinner, he hangs around on the weekend - but he doesn't take any initiative to get involved in chores or activities. If I tell him something needs to be done, it usually just sits until I get around to it. OR never, as I feel more and more overwhelmed by what there is to do. We have many big decisions to make in the near future and I just feel like I am on my own.
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Being a mom is like having 3 full-time jobs and if you're lucky, you get to sleep (sometimes) for part of one of the jobs. ANYTHING DH does is going to pale in comparison to this, and, if you are like me, resentment really builds up. Every little thing he does or fails to do is so frickin annoying and the lack of equality is so unfair.

Vent all you need to - you totally have my sympathy!
 

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DH has the same issue with not doing "anything unusual". The only "unusual" stop he seems able to make without being reminded a bazillion times is if he's out of cigarettes.
: The only solution I've come up with is having him call before he leaves school and reminding him what we need to have picked up. Even then (after the 5 minute drive from school to grocery) it is hit or miss (we often end up with stuff we don't need and the one thing we REALLY need is missing).

DH also isn't one to take initiative at home often times (to his credit, he will surprise me by unloading and loading the dishes, folding the clean laundry or sweeping the floor without me even mentioning it). I will mention things to do and it can be weeks before it gets done unless I remind him daily. And with me home and him in school, I do try to not ask him to do a lot. Generally things that I just can't do (like moving extremely heavy items, things requiring ladders and "handyman" type jobs). He doesn't seem to notice general housekeeping stuff, (unless the laundry gets behind and he's out of jeans or something
) like he tracked mud from the front door to the back or that the litter boxes are foul.

I've chalked it up to that he has different priorities and things that he notices than I do (plus I think it's a subconcious rebelling thing, as growing up, he and his siblings were required to clean the entire house top to bottom every Sat to their mothers standards, which can never be reached, while she chainsmoked, yelled and read a book). I've just taken to reminding him (in a nice, casual way, like "Hey honey, the litter boxes are really starting to smell, could you change them soon?") a couple times a day until it gets done and this has worked for me pretty well. Though I will start to get a little impatient and not so nice about the litterboxes when he puts them off too long (with 4 cats, it gets foul FAST)!!!
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