[jenmk]

My 2 1/2 year old son has been hitting for over a year now . . . and nothing is working to make the behavior go away. Most of the time, he is hitting for no reason, just for fun. He's not appearing frustrated or upset or tired. He's just doing it because he can. I can deal with teaching him not to hit when he gets mad or frustrated. But just hitting for fun??

We talk to him gently, saying "No hitting. It hurts when you hit me." We gently, but firmly hold his arms so he cannot hit while we try to talk to him. We step out of reach while he continues to swing. We've put him in timeouts in his room--which has not slowed the behavior at all. He doesn't mind the timeouts at all, and eventually comes out to tell us he's "all done." (The rule is he can come out anytime he chooses when he's all done hitting . . . we check in periodically to see if he's all done so it's not very long he's in there, but it often takes a loooooooooong time for him to decide he's all done. He'll just keep saying "no" when we ask him if he's done.) The timeout stops the behavior for a little while, but there are some days where he's hitting all day long. We're always asking him to be gentle, showing him how to be gentle. When I see him coming at me about to hit, I'll scoop him into my arms quickly and say "You want a hug? We do hugs, not hitting." Just a couple of days ago I added another mantra "Hitting is not playing. Hitting is not fun." That appeared to be helping just slightly. But then we have another day of hitting all day long . . . I'm at my wit's end. I just cannot take the hitting any longer and have not found anything effective at curbing the behavior.

What can I do? We are a very loving and gentle family, but both DH and I want to strangle the little guy sometimes after repeated hitting, hitting, hitting. He's such a sweet and good little guy when not hitting and driving me insane. I need help. What worked for you?

Thanks, mamas.

jen

 

[Mommiska]

Hitting is sooo not fun. I feel for you.

If you do a search in this forum on 'hitting' or 'hit', there have been several threads recently which address this question (which may be why there aren't any replies yet!).

It sounds to me as if you guys are doing a great job dealing with your ds's hitting. My dd2 was a hitter, and we basically did a lot of what you guys are doing.

It took a looooooong time before she outgrew the hitting. I'd say some time between 3 and 4 until it pretty much went away (apart from the odd swing here and there! But it's pretty rare now).

It really does go away eventually when you keep using the distraction tactics you are using now - I promise! But it can take awhile.

Hang in there - and definitely do a search for the threads about hitting - there are maybe a few other ideas in those you could try...

 

[IncaMama]

i'm sort of in that boat...DS is getting *slightly* better on some days, but on other days he's a hitting machine. he seems to do it for the same reasons as your son (i.e., no reason at all) but also when he's frustrated by something (if i don't let him do something/have something). when it's the frustrating reason i am much more verbal about his emotions...i'll say something like " i know you really want that, it's hard when we can't have what we want"...if it's just the fun/random kind i'm less verbal and just say something like "we use gentle hands/touch" and then show him how to be just as energetic but in a non-hitting way.

of course then i have those moments when he's been hitting forever and i just say "stop it!".

we all get frustrated at times...hang in there...it'll get better! at least i hope so!! LOL

 

[chfriend]

My dd1 had a very brief problem with this in toddlerhood and it drove me nuts. Strangely, what worked for us was a Waldorf idea somebody posted here. Taking a silk and rubbing her hands after she hit saying "Hands are for loving."

Seemed to work at the time.

 

[FreeRangeMama]

My 4 yo went through a hitting out of frustration phase, but nothing like my 21 month old. He hits out of frustration or anger, he hits because he is happy, he hits for fun, he hits out of boredom, you get the idea. After much effort and frustration on my part I have finally come to the conclusion that he is just a very physical boy and this is one of the (physical) ways he expresses himself. A while back I made an "angry pillow" (a pillow with a big angry face on it) to help my 4 yo with emotions. I find that when ds2 feels like hitting, banging his head, or grabbing I give him the "angry pillow" to beat the heck out of. He thinks this is great fun and it seems to meet his need for physical release and curb the agressive behavior for a while. It doesn't make the hitting stop, but hopefully it will work to redirect him until he grows out of it.

HTH

 

[jenmk]

Thanks for the ideas. I like the Waldorf one. I'll give that a shot.

I've found that having him hit a pillow instead just doesn't work. I think he's too young to be able to discern the difference between animate and inanimate objects. So if I'm telling him he can hit a pillow, he doesn't see why he can't hit me, dh, or his little brother. At this age everything is black or white, all or nothing.

Thanks,
jen

 

[kavamamakava]

My 4 yr old hits. After 4 days at pre-school, they are thinking that I'll need to withdraw him if this doesn't stop. I don't know how to make it magically stop. I've been working with him for years now, doing pretty much what you seem to be doing, and am at my wit's end. *sigh*