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<p>Today, we buried our baby. It's been about a week since he passed from my body, and it was time to lay him in the ground. I was 12 weeks when I had the m/c, although u/s showed him measuring at 7.5 weeks. He was our second lost so soon. My pregnancy previous ended at 9.5 weeks, and I wasn't able to bury that one as they took him away for testing when I was too distraught to argue.</p>
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<p>It was beautiful though. The sun was shining, it was a crisp fall day, DH was there which was wonderful. We laid the baby to rest next to my grandmother and my stillborn brother, who was born at 7 months about 24 years ago. I've always felt that my 2 grandmothers and my brother took care of Michael for me, and now, they'll be able to care for August too. I only had a butter container to put the baby in, so I wrapped it in leaves and dried flowers. It came out quite nice, I think. I feel a lot of closure. I read my favorite poem that has always been dedicated to my little ones, "i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)" by e.e. cummings.</p>
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<p>The reason why I'm here posting this, is because I firmly believe that my loved ones past and the universe, or whatever, have always communicated to me through music. There have been so many instances in my life when songs which happened to be the exact words I needed came through my radio at the click of a button or the switch of a channel. Without fail, songs with powerful lyrics lending to my situation always seem to come at pivotal moments in my life.</p>
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<p>Well... today, I took a deep breath, got in the car, clutching my baby, turned on the radio and there it was. The song that was playing was "If I die young" by The Band Perry. It's a relatively new country song. The song is mostly about a young woman who died young, but many of the lyrics can be applied to other situations, such as the loss of a baby or pregnancy. The lyric which was playing when the radio came on was "The sharp knife of a short life, well I’ve had just enough time" which to me means that losing someone young (especially our child) feels like a sharp knife to our hearts, but for them... it may've been just enough time. That may be a hurtful concept for many parents in this situation, because it is not nearly enough time for us. However, it really brought me a lot of peace and comfort. I felt like my babies were reaching out to me through the airwaves letting me know that they were okay, that they had enough time to accomplish what they needed. What they needed to do, or why they were able to do it so quickly, I'll probably never know. But... I'm happy feeling/knowing that they are okay, that they are at peace with their decision to leave so soon, and I'm happy they let me know that. Well... I just thought it was special and wanted to share.  </p>
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<p>Here is the poem by e.e. cummings - This is incredibly comforting for me. It's about having someone close to you in your heart, and having your love and bond be so strong that you are one.</p>
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<p><span style="font-family:arial;color:#333333;font-size:14px;">i carry your heart with me(i carry it in<br>
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere<br>
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done<br>
by only me is your doing,my darling)</span></p>
<p><br><span style="font-family:arial;color:#333333;font-size:14px;">i fear<br>
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want<br>
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)<br>
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant<br>
and whatever a sun will always sing is you<br><br>
here is the deepest secret nobody knows<br>
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud<br>
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows<br>
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)<br>
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart<br><br>
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart) </span><br>
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<p>Here are the lyrics to the song. I do want to warn you that these lyrics are very powerful and are directly about death and the loss of a short life. Many of the lyrics only apply to a young woman but the first section is talks about the mother and how she is so young and still has to deal with the passing of her "baby",  so please be careful about choosing to read these lyrics and deciding if it will bring you comfort or more pain. I sincerely hope that it is the former because there are a lot of comforting lines in the song, at least there are for me. If you'd like to hear the song sung by the group, you can find it on youtube.</p>
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<p>If I die young bury me in satin<br>
Lay me down on a bed of roses<br>
Sink me in the river at dawn<br>
Send me away with the words of a love song<br>
oh oh oh oh<br><br>
Lord make me a rainbow, I’ll shine down on my mother<br>
She'll know I’m safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and<br>
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no<br>
ain't even grey, but she buries her baby<br><br>
The sharp knife of a short life, well<br>
I’ve had just enough time<br><br>
If I die young bury me in satin<br>
Lay me down on a bed of roses<br>
Sink me in the river at dawn<br>
Send me away with the words of a love song<br><br>
The sharp knife of a short life, well<br>
I’ve had just enough time<br><br>
And I’ll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom<br>
I’m as green as the ring on my little cold finger<br>
I’ve never known the lovin' of a man<br>
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand<br>
There’s a boy here in town says he’ll love me forever<br>
Who would have thought forever could be severed by<br><br>
The sharp knife of a short life, well<br>
I’ve had just enough time<br><br>
So put on your best boys and I’ll wear my pearls<br>
What I never did is done<br><br>
A penny for my thoughts, oh no I’ll sell them for a dollar<br>
They're worth so much more after I’m a gonner<br>
And maybe then you’ll hear the words I been singin’<br>
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin’<br><br>
If I die young bury me in satin<br>
Lay me down on a bed of roses<br>
Sink me in the river at dawn<br>
Send me away with the words of a love song<br>
oh oh<br><br>
The ballad of a dove<br>
Go with peace and love<br>
Gather up your tears, keep ‘em in your pocket<br>
Save them for a time when your really gonna need 'em oh<br><br>
The sharp knife of a short life, well<br>
I’ve had just enough time<br><br>
So put on your best boys and I’ll wear my pearls<br>
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<p>Peace and love to all of you Mamas. <br><br>
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<p>Thank you for sharing that, mama. I'm so glad that you were able to get peace and comfort on such a hard day <3</p>
 

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<p>Oh, mama, I am so sorry for your loss. I am 3 weeks out from losing my second at 9 weeks.  And the ee cummings poem was just the thing I needed - so thanks so much for sharing.  I will carry that poem with me always.</p>
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<p>much love to you :hug</p>
 
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