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I've been in denial since the birth of my daughter almost 2 years ago, but I cannot ignore facts any more -- I am simply not the "good" parent I was when I had my son 5 years ago. From the moment he was born, I was enchanted. I didn't WANT to go anywhere without him. Life was more fun when he was around, and we did the attachment parenting thing to the hilt.<br><br>
I feel terrible for my dd, but it seems now like I have used up my allotment of patience and good mommying and she's just out of luck. I swear that on most days my own son is a better parent to her than me! I have no patience any more to deal with all the conflict that comes hand in hand with raising kids, and while that bothers me, the worst part is that most times I feel myself wishing I could be anywhere but here with them. That breaks my heart. They're not on the unbearable side of the spectrum, but even the relatively few quibbles they have drive me crazy far faster than I feel they should.<br><br>
I have no tolerance any more for the fighting over "I had that first" or "I want to play with that even though you are" etc. Or when I ask her (or even him these days) to do something and they don't, I feel this horrible rage rising inside me. And I'm talking about htings as minor as brushing their teeth (she insists on having a turn before I take over, which is fine with me. but then she flings the toothbrush in the corner behind the toilet -- eiw! -- and I just lose it. My internal reaction is not pretty, and I would be such a bully if I carried it out. I used to be so good at negotiating, compromising, understanding. I just don't know what the heck happened.<br><br>
Essentially I've lost my mommy mojo and I don't know if Dr Evil stole it to take over the world or what, but if anyone sees it, coudl they send it back?
 

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No super-helpful advice here mama, mosty just wanted to send you a hug.<br><br>
Sounds like you need some "me" time and I don't mean just an hour or two after kids go to sleep (although sometimes even that is a luxury)<br><br>
Do you have some family or friends that can take care of kids for a few days so you can take a "vacation"? Or have a weekly day JUST for yourself (with help of family, friends, trusted babysitters)?<br><br>
You did not loose your mojo, you just in need of recharging it. You say "minor" things get to you. Several years of "minor" things amount to a big stress sometimes.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">
 

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Oh man, I could've written your post (with a few minor detail changes, ages and genders) <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
Maybe we do just need some time to recharge, <i>regularly</i>.<br>
I hear that alot, I think I should try to give it a shot someday.<br><br>
I dunno, I really do feel like I've just lost it.<br>
Compared to how I was 2 years ago, or even 18 months...such a big difference <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
I wish I knew what to say to help, but at least you know you're not alone <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>siouxbee</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Essentially I've lost my mommy mojo and I don't know if Dr Evil stole it to take over the world or what, but if anyone sees it, coudl they send it back?</div>
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well, i sure as heck don't have it!! LOL<br>
i wish i had some words of wisdom, but i've had more of those moments than i'd care to admit lately...since the birth of dd in december...i hope it gets better for both of us. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Have you considered that it may be your health that is suffering? I felt the same way with the rage and such. I started taking lots of B vitamins and I feel much better.
 

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Wow, I know just what you mean. Though some days I have it and some days it is gone!<br><br>
I know a lot of it has to do with sleep deprivation, my first was SUCH a little wonder sleeper, she slept like Ferber expects your kids to, w/out CIO, of course.<br><br>
And this one is awful at sleep. At least once a week he has these 2-3 hr episodes between 1-4 a.m. where he's just awake, can't get himself back to sleep, can't just play quietly, needs interaction, usually consisting of me standing and rocking him vigorously. The days after those I'm awful. I spend my whole day counting down the hours until the next nap.<br><br>
And this is the worst part, sometimes when I have a break, like 5-6 hours on the weekend, it's just harder when I come back.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>irinam</strong></div>
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You did not loose your mojo, you just in need of recharging it. You say "minor" things get to you. Several years of "minor" things amount to a big stress sometimes.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"></div>
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I agree 100% with this, I know in my mind how to handle things, but when the reality hits, I have no juice left to follow through. I lost it today in REI, from the car to back to the car took 8 minutes dd was spinning on one of the polls at the register and I nearly lost it, she's 2 it's fun, but all the little things add up and I can't take it.<br><br>
You aren't alone.
 

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I have also heard that B vitamins help improve your mood. I agree that if you can find some time to have a mini-vacation (for me right now that is even just taking a long shower!) that might be pretty helpful. Hope things turn around for you soon!
 
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